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Chapter 53c: Slacking Remotely, Distance Drinking, and a Very Sacred Pub Christmas Part III

1/25/2021

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After a very brief discussion on the existence of multiple KeV manifestations on Halfway Island, Baby Dragon Ninka encouraged all present to keep their questions to a minimum...so as not to spoil KeV's special Christmas video presentation he had made for them. All present agreed, though some were away relieving themselves or loading up on more Cowboy Beans and Corn Pudding. Olga the bartender fairy had by now filled some  bowls with a candy she called "Snowballs," and some present began loading up on those as well (they were basically kernels of popcorn dipped in white chocolate...and were super delicious!). Eventually, all present were settled back into their respective air mattresses (or papasan built for two, as the case may be), and cuddling with their plushies, it was finally time to resume KeV's holiday presentation on the big screen. Baby Dragon Ninka tapped the remote...

"Hey guys! This is KeV coming to you live from the magic castle on Halfway Island in the Vaun."

A few plushies were squeezed far too tightly, fer sure--and complaints were heard much too loudly from air mattresses and papasans built for two--once all present realized that Baby Dragon Ninka had started the video over from the beginning by mistake. "Geez, guys, relax! It's not like we're on a schedule!" Ninka halfway shouted, and added, "They didn't design this remote for mighty dragon talons, you know! I'll fix it!" And baby dragon did, and found the exact spot where they had left off the video presentation before all the distractions began. And so, finally, they resumed...

"...This is all very exciting, and I have so much to report from Halfway Island. I'll try not to bore you with too many details since it's Christmas and all, but let's just say my time in the Vaun has been more productive than I ever could have imagined. And if I'm being productive somehow, you know it's some kind of miracle, haha! Anyhoo, in a word, I've learned how to manifest myself. You heard right! Yes, I've learned how to manifest other KeVs. And one of the KeVs I manifested already learned how to do this too, and has manifested his own miniature KeV whom we all have named 'After.' We chose the name 'After' because he was manifested by V-4, which is the 4th KeV that I manifested myself, and it sounded funny to us to refer to them as V-4 and After since they are always together. All KeVs, you see, of course, share a genuine love for our clever wordplay, haha. I digress. So what I'm hoping to do in this presentation is to..." {Just then, a banging sound is heard in the video, and the picture turns to static for a second, and suddenly only the ceiling of the magic castle is in  view. KeV, not in picture, of course, can be heard shouting, "What is the duck doing in here?! I'm trying to make my video!" Indistinct murmurs are heard in the background, to which KeV replies, "Well, I don't know...it should be in the kitchen cabinet somewhere." More indistinct murmuring is heard, then KeV, again, "We live in a magic castle filled with treasures, for crying out loud! I'm pretty sure there's more than one bottle of tequila. Why do you keep giving the poor duck tequila anyway?!" By then, the camera had apparently been returned to its upright position on the tripod, and KeVaunVaun is seen in her dress, waving a broom, and chasing the duck across the jade fireplace. The camera follows their movements until V-4 and After come into view, busy working on some sort of anti-gravity experiment. KeV appears in the camera's view once again, as he's questioning whether the family room is the best place for V-4 and After to be working on an anti-gravity experiment. Especially when he's trying to make his special Christmas presentation video.}


Just then, Baby Dragon Ninka tapped the remote and paused the presentation again. All present groaned and complained, explaining emphatically (some more emphatically than others) that they were just finally starting to enjoy the presentation. Dear Caesar Emeritus, the Baloo-eyed Akita politely reminded Ninka that no one had asked her to pause it. To which Ninka replied to all present, "Umm...somebody in here has apparently had a little too many Cowboy Beans...so if you could knock it off, that'd be great, k? Thanks."

Cousin Eddie laughed and coughed the name "Calliope!" Princess Calliope then punched Cousin Eddie in the wing from the comfort of their air mattress, poured a flagon of Minute Mead over his raven head, then yanked his plushie worm from his wings and tossed it across the room. Cousin Eddie leapt up from the air mattress and shouted "Hey!" All present laughed heartily.

Princess Calliope re-fluffed and arranged her pillows once more, then rested her head gently upon them as she spoke softly, "Dearest Eddie...since you're up anyway, I could use another flagon of Minute Mead. Pretty please? And thank you." Then she blew the raven a kiss and smiled. Cousin Eddie, of course, got the Princess another flagon of Minute Mead...once he had located his plushie worm in the darkness on the other side of the room. The presentation finally resumed...

"Sorry for the interruptions, guys. As you can see, since you can see me again, KeVaun fixed the camera, but he's now outside chopping wood for the jade fireplace. He's sorta the father figure around here...he fixes stuff and keeps us in line for the most part. But in a gentle, fatherly way. He's the first KeV I manifested here on Halfway Island, and I had only intended to manifest the one...but KeVaun would get lonely and bored when I was off on my adventures in the Vaun, so I decided to manifest KeVaunVaun to keep him company. Then I had to manifest another KeV because KeVaun and KeVaunVaun hit it off so well that I became bored and lonely  when I would return home to the magic castle from my Vaun adventures. So that's how TiKeV got manifested...he's the 3rd KeV and the rock star of the KeVs. All was well with me and TiKeV until he wandered off to Hope and Sunrise (nearby towns across the inlet) and met an odd duck named Ben. Ben is the crazy, tequila-drinking duck that knocked over the camera while I was trying to make this presentation earlier. By the way, Ben only eats garlic fries, for whatever reason. Anyway, TiKeV and Ben became inseparable, so I decided to make one more KeV just for myself...that's V-4. V-4 is the super genius of the KeVs and is just as adept at discussing the mysteries of all existence as he is performing anti-gravity experiments in the family room. V-4 and I became very close and spent many hours discussing aforementioned mysteries of existence. He manifested too smart, however, and took it upon himself to make his very own KeV just for himself. That is the mini-KeV we call After, of course. After is approximately 3 inches tall, by the way. I had intended to have you guys meet all the KeVs one by one in the video presentation, but they're all off doing their things now. Which is good, I guess, so that I can finish this presentation with peace and quiet. TiKeV finally found another bottle of tequila, so Ben the duck calmed down. By now, I suspect he and Ben are floating in the pool, polishing off the tequila and listening to TiKeV's latest demo. KeVaun and KeVaunVaun are likely in bed by now, reading magazines and possibly watching TV. V-4 would be searching other dimensions by now, trying to figure out which one he accidentally sent After into during the anti-gravity experiment. Our only other Halfway Island resident, Baby Dragon Ninka, is there with you guys now delivering this Christmas presentation, I suppose. She is the one I would normally be hanging out with, if she were here. But I'm glad she got to meet you guys. She literally just fell down from the sky, and happened to land on Halfway Island. So I'm not manifesting any more KeVs...I don't think...and V-4 has promised to not manifest anymore KeVs either.

As to why you, Dear Caesar Emeritus, were asked to not select a present from the present bag: I have a very special gift for you--and for whomever you'd like to share it with. You know the shelf high up in the Library Tree? The one with the books that haven't yet been written? There is a new one there now. It is my record of my time in the Vaun, and you'll know it when you see it."

With that, dear Caesar Emeritus, the Baloo-eyed Akita, squeezed his plushie kitten from the comfort of his air mattress, and a beautiful tear formed in the corner of his eye.

Many soft snores could be heard from inside the Sacred Pub by now, as KeV's presentation finally concluded...

"So with that, my dear fabulousnesses, I wish you once more a very merry Christmas from the magic castle on Halfway Island. I believe I'll roast some chestnuts now, and reminisce for a bit. I love you. Goodnight."

Above all the air mattresses and papasans built for two, there was the most special of guests, resting unnoticed in the rafters. Edwin the Bee smiled upon His sleeping children that Christmas Night, both in the Vaun and the NeVaun, and He was very glad He made them all just exactly the way He did...perfectly imperfect. He did, however, before falling back into His meditation, consider briefly that Cowboy Beans were not the best of humankind's inventions.

Life is beautiful beautiful.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.
I love you.

KeV
XX



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Chapter 53b: Slacking Remotely, Distance Drinking, and a Very Sacred Pub Christmas Part II

1/9/2021

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"Hello, Mister," Cousin Eddie greeted Darbett Otterman, as the fine otter finally arrived, and placed his Cowboy Beans and Corn Pudding upon a table that had been set up next to the jukebox.

"Hey there, Eddie," the river otter politely replied, and he removed a most mesmerizing object from his satchel as he approached the bar proper. With all the innocent pride of a child who'd just been presented with any sort of award, Darbett Otterman placed the mesmerizing object upon the bar proper, and flipped on the switch so that it glowed. "Ladies and gents, I present to you the lava lamp of Christmas trees." This was no exaggeration, of course. The liquid inside it began to swirl, then silver glitter began to rise and swirl along with it. Lights of many hues reflected randomly upon the flecks of silver glitter, and all present in the Sacred Pub gathered round to savor its magic. Since we don't keep time in our beloved Xanadu Forest, it's difficult to say just how long they were all mesmerized by its light, but it was certainly long enough for poor Cousin Eddie to serve several more flagons of Minute Mead, and shots of Midnight Shimmer. Even a couple for himself, finally.

Now Ninka the baby dragon, of course, had no desire for adult beverages, and wondered whether they had something more suitable for her tastes. Cousin Eddie offered her a Second Soda, to which dear Ninka replied, "But I haven't even had my FIRST soda yet!" All present had a lovely chuckle at that fer sure, and the mesmerizing finally came to an end. The lava-lamp-of-Christmas-trees crew dispersed and began filling their plates with Cowboy Beans and Corn Pudding. Some more than others, of course. Olga the bartender fairy herded them all into an imperfect circle in front of the stage and led them in prayer before anyone took their first bite. Darbett Otterman's Cowboy Beans and Corn Pudding were joyously enjoyed by all, and many holiday pleasantries were exchanged between bites.

Once all their bellies were full, it was time for presents. Everyone gathered around baby dragon Dear Ninka, who had by now sat down at a tall round table, with a large velvet sack in each talon. "Now here's the rules:" baby dragon began, "Each person is to grab one item from each of the velvet sacks. No feeling around for a good one...you just reach in and grab one without looking. You get what you get, and you don't throw a fit! Got it?" All present acknowledged affirmatively, so baby dragon Ninka went on, "The sack in my left talon is presents from KeV, and the sack in my right talon are presents from me. Spoiler alert, all the presents from me are plushies. It's kinda my thing, you know. But you just get what you get and don't throw a fit, right? No feeling around for a good one." Everyone nodded sort of patronizingly, then began selecting their presents from the velvet sacks. When Dear Caesar Emeritus, the baloo-eyed Akita approached her, baby dragon Ninka stopped him. "No offense, dear Caesar, but KeV gave me very specific instructions that you were not to select a present from KeV's velvet sack. He has a very nice reason for it, trust me. But you can still pick out a plushie from MY velvet sack." Dear Caesar Emeritus, of course, was quite fine with this, and graciously retrieved a purple kitten plushie from Ninka's velvet sack. ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee888888888888b444444444444444444444r [My cat Kaylee added that nonsense part while I left my desk to go pee. I was going to delete it, but then decided maybe I should leave her contribution to the stories, since she doesn't get many chances to contribute]

Once everyone had received their presents from KeV and Ninka, Olga the bartender fairy, Eivanqua the lion cub, and Princess Calliope disappeared to a secret secret room to retrieve air mattresses that would soon be inflated and placed round the stage for the presentation. There were four of them. Davidicus Raz and Shelellabee had brought their own papasan chair built for two, since they were now happily and officially betrothed. Everyone was pleased with the presents they had received from the velvet sacks. Cousin Eddie the Raven began to complain a little bit about the plushie worm he got from Ninka's sack, but baby dragon Ninka gave a look, and he simply thanked her. And gave said plushie worm a sarcastic hug and kiss. And wandered off to pour himself another flagon of Minute Mead. And one for the Princess.

Olga the bartender fairy gathered everyone's attention once again, now that all the air mattresses were inflated, and spoke, "Everyone partner up and fluff up your blankets and pillows. And have Cousin Eddie get you any drinks you might need. It's time for tonight's feature presentation." Princess Calliope pulled down the projection screen so that it covered the stage. Everyone else did as Olga instructed: air mattresses were chosen, all soft things were fluffed, and the fog of peaceful enthusiasm filled the Sacred Pub air. Princess Calliope, of course, fell playfully onto the air mattress with Cousin Eddie the Raven. Like children, they were, fer sure, as they all got cozy and nestled with their respective plushies.

Baby dragon Ninka retrieved the remote, the projector's light projected upon the screen, and baby dragon sat down at her tall round table behind the imperfect semicircle of air mattresses and papasans built for two. "I know some of you were hoping for the new Disney movie, and I know some of you wanted the new Wonder Woman movie. We might get to them later, but right now we have a special Christmas presentation from KeV. Now, I haven't seen this presentation, I wasn't there when KeV made it. But I've gotten to know KeV pretty well, and I'm sure it's going to be a most absurd but entertaining disaster. But also very confusing to you guys. He's had a lot of adventures in the Vaun, especially on Halfway Island. So just let me know if you need me to pause or rewind or whatever, and I'll try to explain stuff the best I can since I'm the only one here that's spent time with KeV inside the magic castle of Halfway Island. And before you ask...yes, KeV specifically instructed me to give you this disclaimer before starting the presentation. You guys ready?" All present were much more than ready fer sure.

The presentation begins...

"Hey guys! This is KeV coming to you live from the magic castle on Halfway Island in the Vaun."

'"Pause!" Darbett Otterman shouted from his air mattress, and squeezed his rainbow trout plushie.

"Yes, Darbett?" Ninka acknowledged, and paused the presentation.

"It's not actually live. He recorded this earlier," the river otter politely replied.

"You don't keep time in the Xanadu Forest," Ninka semi-snipped back. "But your objection is noted. Can we please just try to enjoy?" A sheepish "Sorry," was heard from the air mattress on the far left, and the presentation resumed.

"...Since I'm going to be working remotely and--"

"Pardon me, my dear Ninka, but pause!" Dear Caesar Emeritus, the baloo-eyed Akita spoke from his air mattress next to Davidicus Raz and Shelellabee's papasan built for two.

"Yes, Dear Caesar?" baby dragon Ninka sighed. And she paused the presentation.

"Well," Dear Caesar explained, "I've gotten to know KeV very well, too, and I must say that it's quite impossible for him to be working remotely since he never actually works. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I felt it was important to--"

"Objection noted," dear Ninka replied, and continued, "That's actually a great point, dear Caesar. I'm going to suggest we just pretend that he says 'SLACKING remotely,' if that works for you guys? And if he happens to say something about 'distance learning,' we'll take it as 'distance DRINKING?'" All present agreed in their own ways from upon their soft places, and squeezed their plushies. "Also, if it's okay with you guys, let me just say: This is KeV...we all know him pretty well here. He's going to be saying things we could correct for the record in every sentence, knowing him. If we keep pausing the presentation to correct him, we're never going to get to the movies we actually want to see. Okay?" The agreement was unanimous. And so the presentation continued...

"...distance learning for both the foreseeable and UNforeseeable future, I thought it best to send you this special Christmas presentation via Dear Ninka, the baby dragon...whom I'm guessing you've met by now. Otherwise you won't be seeing this, haha! But I totally trust her to deliver you this special holiday message. [KeV steps out of the screen briefly, and the camera turns to focus on a wonderful fire burning inside a fireplace built of pure jade] KeV returns to the camera's view and continues, "So, Merry Christmas, fabulousnesses! I hope you all like your presents from the Vaun. Anyhoo, a lot has happened since I found myselves on Halfway Island--and I DO mean myselVES. This is all very exciting, and I have so much to--"

"Pause!" Cousin Eddie the Raven shouted from the comfort of the second air mattress from the right.

Baby dragon Ninka paused the presentation, of course. "Yes, Cousin Eddie?" She asked. "And, by the way, I'll take my second Second Soda now, if you don't mind?"

"Of course, Ninka!" the Raven sarcastically replied, tossed his blanket aside, jumped up--plushie worm in wing--saluted, and made his way behind the bar proper. As he poured dear Ninka her second flagon of Second Soda, he spoke, "Rewind a little bit, Ninka. I thought I saw a KeV in a dress and oven mitts carrying a casserole...walking behind KeV as he was speaking."

"Good eye, Cousin Eddie!" baby dragon replied to the Raven, and thanked him for the second Second Soda. She rewinded the presentation a couple more times and paused it again to make sure everyone spotted the mysterious KeV behind the presenting KeV. "That is KeVaunVaun," baby dragon explained. "It's the second KeV that KeV manifested of himself. She's actually become my favorite KeV."

"SHE?!!" the Sacred Pub Christmas patrons gasped in unison.

Ninka explained further, "Well, it's KeV you know, so of course he's a HE...but for whatever reason, KeVaunVaun likes to wear dresses and is quite the nurturer and homemaker. I just sorta think of KeVaunVaun as a HER. KeV, of course, could care less either way."

Chapter 53c, Part III coming soon. Thank you for joining me on this crazy journey.

I love you,
KeV
XX











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    KeV Atomic was Xanadu Dead and is now both of them. 

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