Kev will speak in Purple
My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, the Albino Peacock (Peahen) will speak in White
Kev with a turtle on his shoulder will speak in Orange
Dee-Dee the Turtle (upon Kev's shoulder) will speak in Blue
Both Cousin Eddie's will speak in Red
Olga the bartender fairy will speak in Yellow
Edwin the Bee will speak in the same Green as the general story-telling segments
So as the two Me's and the not-yet-drunk Cousin Eddie approached the Sacred Pub, we discussed much strategy...for Olga the bartender fairy is a powerful spirit, and easily perturbed. And, of course, we already had the disadvantage of Olga being already perturbed even before our arrival...due to the other Cousin Eddie--the drunk Cousin Eddie--already being well-inebriated and causing much trouble in Olga's Sacred Pub. We weren't sure we should show Olga right off as we entered that there were two Me's and two Cousin Eddie's. We would ease her into it. Yes. That was our objective. So ultimately we decided to enter the Sacred Pub single file with Me, with the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee upon my shoulder, in front. And the other Me, without the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee upon my shoulder, would sort of hide behind me. And the non-drunk Cousin Eddie would sort of hide behind the Me without Dee-Dee upon my shoulder. Then Dee-Dee and I would head straight to the bar and greet Olga the bartender fairy most kindly and order a couple Minute Meads...as a distraction. As we did that, the other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie would nonchalantly--but sort of quickly-make a quick right to the billiards and darts, where we knew, of course, the drunk Cousin Eddie would be found causing mischief. Timing would be critical here, but it was a fairly busy moon greeting at the Sacred Pub, so that was in our favor. It seemed a good plan, with a high chance for success.
As I approached the bar, I maintained a careful pace, keeping a subtle eye on the other Me's and Cousin Eddie's approach toward the dart board...where the drunk Cousin Eddie was spotted plucking darts from the fur of a few fat squirrels from Walnut St.--and dabbing their foreheads lovingly with slices of pumpernickel. Oh boy. Not a good sign. The other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie were approaching the drunk Cousin Eddie quickly now, so I upped my pace instantly, and shouted a hearty and loving "Hello!" to Olga even while I remained a good distance from the bar. It seemed to work. She didn't seem to notice the other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie. *whew*
Well, well! So lovely to see you, Mr. Kev! And who's your fabulous friend?
Oh, this is Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle. We met just past the border into Flatlandia, and we decided to find our purposes together. Which means, for the moment, could we please have two pints of Minute Mead for us, and two pints of After Ale for the momentarily problematic Cousin Eddie? And I assure you we'll get him out of here shortly. I'm so sorry for the trouble, sweet Olga.
Welcome to my Sacred Pub, gorgeous and intelligent Dee-Dee. Enjoy. And, by the way, Mr. Kev, which one?
Ahh, just the perfect amount of foam as always, sweet Olga. Thank you! Wait...what which one?
Which Cousin Eddie, of course, you fool! I may not be the youngest fairy in the forest, but my eyes still work just fine! I called you here to get mischief out of my Sacred Pub, and instead you bring me more mischief. Have you been playing with your Dragon's Eye again?
No! I mean, yes, of course...I use my Dragon's Eye all the time. But no, it's nothing like that. Whatever do you mean?
Thankfully, my other Me, the one without a gorgeous and intelligent Turtle on my shoulder, also being Me, was onto our cover being blown...and he had the sense to hide beneath one of the pool tables. That bought me another sentence or two with Olga. But unfortunately, the drunk Cousin Eddie, once he'd finished apologizing to (paying off the fat squirrels of Walnut St.), for no apparent reason, decided to drag the other Me out from under the pool table. The game was lost at that point. There was nothing left at that point but to rely upon Olga's mercy. The other Me and both Cousin Eddie's made their way toward the bar sheepishly. Drunk Cousin Eddie hopped up onto the bar and chugged down a pint of After Ale.
I have two Kev's...one for each of you!
Foolishness of foolishnesses! There's only ONE of me, you mischievous bird! Keep your beak shut...after you drink that other After Ale! And you can have your jeep back the next sun-greeting...or whenever you wake up--whichever comes first. Which I hope is much, much longer! And I expect this sort of thing from Cousin Eddie, but you, Kev, I'm very disappointed in you. What did I tell you about bringing sorcery into my Sacred Pub?
It's not like that, sweet Olga. Look. I brought this notebook, see? None of us have any idea why there are two Me's and two Cousin Eddie's...we actually came here hoping to find some answers. We're as disturbed by this as you...if not more. We didn't do this, I swear.
There's nothing here but a good and bad column--and you haven't even written down anything under the bad column. Unlike you, I'm no fool. You're enjoying this aren't you, you adorable fool?! How do you expect to solve this problem if you're just busy enjoying your own company?
Hey, umm, other Me, can you stay here with Dee-Dee and the non-drunk Cousin Eddie, and the notebook? I need to take drunk Cousin Eddie back to the Sacred Garden.
Sure, no problem at all. We're in this together, right, Me? As long as you admit to me that YOU are the other Me--not me.
Fine. I'm the other Me. Whatever. I'll see you guys shortly. Please try and find some answers while you're here? Thank you.
That finally settled, I patted Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle on the head gently, and placed her on the other Me's shoulder (please don't tell Me that I referred to him as the other me). Then I placed the drunk Cousin Eddie on my shoulder and we left the Sacred Pub for my Sacred Garden. Edwin the Bee seemed to be sound asleep upon his Lotus flower as we approached the garden gate, so I entered the gate quietly, and placed the now snoozing Cousin Eddie in his little garage made out of beer cans. He was so adorable like this. My lovely little soulmate. So precious. I kissed two of my fingers and tapped them on his little beak, then approached Achilles' Last Stand to talk to my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine.
Well, at least you've got one of the drunk Cousin Eddie's home now. I can't imagine it will be long before Olga messages me about another drunk Cousin Eddie. Did you figure anything out while you were at the Sacred Pub?
Umm, no, not really, Madeleine. But I sort of wanted to talk to you about this...while we're alone, I mean. I'm the Kev with the turtle on his shoulder, by the way, but Dee-Dee stayed behind at the Sacred Pub.
You sound so somber, Kev. What gives?
Well...I know I haven't been taking this whole, um...situation very seriously. And trust me, I know it's a big deal--a serious problem we have to figure out. And I guess I just sort of want to apologize to you. I know when I get like this it frustrates you. I know I'm a pain in the ass, I really do. And I know I don't admit it very often, but I know. Tuning it out is, uhh...sort of my coping mechanism. And, of course, you know I never lack for confidence--
No, Kev, you never lack for confidence...and you never will, haha. I'm sure of that. Honestly, though, that's a great quality you have in that. And yes, it annoys the hell out of me sometimes, but mostly I admire it, in all sincerity. And now it's MY turn to tell YOU something I don't say often enough: you, Mr. Kev, are the one that taught me that kind of unshakable confidence...the very kind of confidence that allows me to be a proper gatekeeper for you. Though I rarely speak of it, I always think of it. And I'm always grateful for it. Grateful to be here in your Sacred Garden. Grateful for all of it. YOU are the one who showed me to be strong. I thought I was strong before, but I wasn't. I was only pretending. You showed me how to actually BE strong, instead of just pretending.
Aww, beautiful gatekeeper, please don't make me cry, lol. I don't want to cry right now. *sniff, sniff* And you are truly a perfect and beautiful gatekeeper for me. And thank you. I am grateful too...for all of it. I'm happy and truly honored to have you here in my Sacred Garden. As to the two Me's...and the two Cousin Eddie's, I just wanted to say that if I'm being completely honest--with myself AND with you--and I truly am right now--that as much as I recognize this is a big problem, there's also a big part of me that...that, umm...
Say no more, Mr. Kev. I understand, I really do. Look, I know well how so many that were seemingly your everythings all ended up going away. You've had to let them all go against your will. You've had to find a way to keep on living without them...and not only living, but living a happy and content life. I know those moments when you've had to battle loneliness...sometimes even something very close to despair. But guess what?! You've allowed your heart to bend and crack a bit, but you've never let it break all the way. You actually did it, you adorable pain in the ass! You've always found a way; you've always overcome. And now suddenly--out of nowhere--your TRUE everything magically comes into your life...YOU! Have you finally met your match?...pun intended, of course, lol. Are you strong enough to let YOU go? How could you possibly send your very self away? And if you did, would that finally do you in? Would that be the thing that finally, truly breaks your heart?
*Sniff, sniff* I asked you to not make me cry....lol. *sniff sniff* Thank you, Madeleine, my beautiful beautiful gatekeeper. I honestly never knew you understood me so well. I think you might understand me even better than me. Thank you again. We'll fix this mess, I assure you. We will. I don't know how yet, but we'll do it...and we'll do it together. And no hearts are going to break in my Sacred Garden, I assure you of that too. It's MY Sacred Garden, and I won't let that happen here. No.
Well, well, look who finally decided to finally join us! Welcome, imbeciles--one and ALL! Except you, Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle--YOU are no imbecile! Please, make yourselves at home. But please don't wake up Edwin the Bee? He's already had enough laughs for today.
After some semi-meaningless small talk, we all parted ways in my Sacred Garden, and the two Me's headed off to the Persian rug for some much-needed rest. The non-snoozing Cousin Eddie scurried off into the bushes somewhere. I had no idea where he was headed or what he was going to do. When the two Me's finally arrived at the Persian rug, we finally found our first item to write down under the bad column in the notebook: that we had to divide my fluffy pillows among the two of us. See, both Me's like to sleep with ALL our fluffy pillows--not some of them. The gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, Dee-Dee, lie down between the two Me's, and bid us a lovely moon-greeting before easing her head back into her shell. I bid happy moon-greeting to my cousins, the Stars, and was just about to drift off into peaceful slumber. Then, suddenly, and softly, my other me, propped up his head and began whispering to me:
I have a little secret to share with you, Me. Are you ready for this?
Of course I'm ready. We're always ready. I mean, you're Me, after all.
Just then, an intense purple mist surrounded the other Me, and completely cloaked him. Then the mist evaporated, and there! Andrew of Olympus lie next to me just like that.
"Andrew!" I shouted, though using my whispering voice. And I continued, "You totally punked me, dude! But it's so great to see you. I've missed you."
"I've missed you too, Kev...in a way. I mean I'm always with you in some form or another. I'm around far more than you realize. And I'll have you know, it took me a lot of time to practice being you before I could pull this off. That's a tremendous honor to you, you know!"
"It is indeed," I replied, and added, "but Cousin Eddie...and the Dragon's Eye? There's only one Dragon's Eye. And who else knew about this prank?"
"So many questions, my fabulous and fabulous friend," Andrew answered, and continued, "The Dragon's Eye was a complete fake--looked so real though, huh? Love Rock baby, haha! The Casio communicator watch was real though...I charmed Yana into giving me one while we were at the Fabupalooza show. I think I'm gonna hang on to that for a while. It's an awesome watch! As to who knew about the prank, basically everyone was in on it except for you and Madeleine. Yes, Olga too, lol. As to the other Cousin Eddie, you can figure that one out if you really want to, I'm sure."
Yes, of course!" I exclaimed, "Casey the Cardinal--or, more accurately--Mr. Feathers hahaha! You guys are so sneaky. That sucks that I missed the Fabupalooza show, though. I was really looking forward to seeing that with Yana...especially The Fab Fabs. You know how much I adore Crazy Fab...and Betta Fab too!"
Andrew answered, "It's alright. If you really want to see it, you still can. Dragon's Eye, you know. Just cuz Olga doesn't like sorcery in her Sacred Pub doesn't mean you can't use it everywhere else. If you do decide to go, by the way, make other plans for when Chenelle plays...they sucked ass. Glittallica was good though. Shane Sweetfield is finally in a good place again, and Starz Ultra's drumming has never been better. And Robbie Bonito, of course, is always fabulous on bass. Ohh! And Blush was really good too! I'm really warming up to their singer, Lavender Frostdale. He definitely has some Love Rock in him. And, of course, your fabulous and favorite Fab Fabs were the highlight of the concert. Major Love Rock in them! You've got good taste, dude."
"Nice," I replied, pensively. Then I went on, "I'll have to think about that. That could open up a new can of worms with Yana. She was in on your prank too, no?"
Andrew answered, "No, actually she knew nothing about it. She thinks it was you that went to the concert with her. I told her I had misplaced my Casio communicator watch, so she hooked me up with another one. She's awesome, by the way. Total Heartshine! And the coolest black bear I've ever known. Don't worry, dude...I did you well. She had a great time and suspected nothing. I did only as you would do while I was with her, so you'll have no surprises to answer for. But I really think we should get some rest now, my fabulous Love Child."
"You're not leaving?" I asked.
"No, not yet," Andrew answered, and added, "It's a nice place you have here. I think I'll hang for a bit, if you and Madeleine don't mind. And, by the way, I just want you to know that this prank had a purpose. Your lovely sister the River will explain more once you fall asleep. And you handled it so well, you should know. I'm really proud of you, dude."
"Thank you, Andrew," I replied. "I feel the purpose now. Goodnight, fabulousness. I love you."
"I love you too, Kev," Andrew whispered softly. And we both drifted off into wonderful slumber upon the Persian rug.
Life is so beautiful beautiful!
Thank you all for joining me on this crazy journey.
So grateful grateful!
I love you.