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Chapter 36c: I Have Two Kev's...One For Each Of You Part III

12/28/2017

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We're going to handle character dialogue in this chapter the same as we did in Parts I and II of Chapter 36, which is to say their words will be color coded rather than using quotation marks...again, so that we don't have to deal with the "he said," and "then she replied..." stuff. I'm copying and pasting the color chart now from part I so you don't have to remember or leave the page. Remember if you're reading this on a mobile device, you can scroll all the way to the bottom of the page and switch to "WEB" instead of the default "MOBILE" to see the text in their respective colors (the text will all be black with a white background if you don't change this setting).

Kev will speak in Purple
My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, the Albino Peacock (Peahen) will speak in White
Kev with a turtle on his shoulder will speak in Orange
Dee-Dee the Turtle (upon Kev's shoulder) will speak in Blue
Both Cousin Eddie's will speak in Red
Olga the bartender fairy will speak in Yellow
Edwin the Bee will speak in the same Green as the general story-telling segments

So as the two Me's and the not-yet-drunk Cousin Eddie approached the Sacred Pub, we discussed much strategy...for Olga the bartender fairy is a powerful spirit, and easily perturbed. And, of course, we already had the disadvantage of Olga being already perturbed even before our arrival...due to the other Cousin Eddie--the drunk Cousin Eddie--already being well-inebriated and causing much trouble in Olga's Sacred Pub. We weren't sure we should show Olga right off as we entered that there were two Me's and two Cousin Eddie's. We would ease her into it. Yes. That was our objective. So ultimately we decided to enter the Sacred Pub single file with Me, with the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee upon my shoulder, in front. And the other Me, without the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee upon my shoulder, would sort of hide behind me. And the non-drunk Cousin Eddie would sort of hide behind the Me without Dee-Dee upon my shoulder. Then Dee-Dee and I would head straight to the bar and greet Olga the bartender fairy most kindly and order a couple Minute Meads...as a distraction. As we did that, the other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie would nonchalantly--but sort of quickly-make a quick right to the billiards and darts, where we knew, of course, the drunk Cousin Eddie would be found causing mischief. Timing would be critical here, but it was a fairly busy moon greeting at the Sacred Pub, so that was in our favor. It seemed a good plan, with a high chance for success. 

As I approached the bar, I maintained a careful pace, keeping a subtle eye on the other Me's and Cousin Eddie's approach toward the dart board...where the drunk Cousin Eddie was spotted plucking darts from the fur of a few fat squirrels from Walnut St.--and dabbing their foreheads lovingly with slices of pumpernickel. Oh boy. Not a good sign. The other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie were approaching the drunk Cousin Eddie quickly now, so I upped my pace instantly, and shouted a hearty and loving "Hello!" to Olga even while I remained a good distance from the bar. It seemed to work. She didn't seem to notice the other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie. *whew* 

Well, well! So lovely to see you, Mr. Kev! And who's your fabulous friend?

Oh, this is Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle. We met just past the border into Flatlandia, and we decided to find our purposes together. Which means, for the moment, could we please have two pints of Minute Mead for us, and two pints of After Ale for the momentarily problematic Cousin Eddie? And I assure you we'll get him out of here shortly. I'm so sorry for the trouble, sweet Olga. 

Welcome to my Sacred Pub, gorgeous and intelligent Dee-Dee. Enjoy. And, by the way, Mr. Kev, which one?

Ahh, just the perfect amount of foam as always, sweet Olga. Thank you! Wait...what which one? 

Which Cousin Eddie, of course, you fool! I may not be the youngest fairy in the forest, but my eyes still work just fine! I called you here to get mischief out of my Sacred Pub, and instead you bring me more mischief. Have you been playing with your Dragon's Eye again? 

No! I mean, yes, of course...I use my Dragon's Eye all the time. But no, it's nothing like that. Whatever do you mean?

Thankfully, my other Me, the one without a gorgeous and intelligent Turtle on my shoulder, also being Me, was onto our cover being blown...and he had the sense to hide beneath one of the pool tables. That bought me another sentence or two with Olga. But unfortunately, the drunk Cousin Eddie, once he'd finished apologizing to (paying off the fat squirrels of Walnut St.), for no apparent reason, decided to drag the other Me out from under the pool table. The game was lost at that point. There was nothing left at that point but to rely upon Olga's mercy. The other Me and both Cousin Eddie's made their way toward the bar sheepishly. Drunk Cousin Eddie hopped up onto the bar and chugged down a pint of After Ale. 

I have two Kev's...one for each of you!

Foolishness of foolishnesses! There's only ONE of me, you mischievous bird! Keep your beak shut...after you drink that other After Ale! And you can have your jeep back the next sun-greeting...or whenever you wake up--whichever comes first. Which I hope is much, much longer! And I expect this sort of thing from Cousin Eddie, but you, Kev, I'm very disappointed in you. What did I tell you about bringing sorcery into my Sacred Pub?

It's not like that, sweet Olga. Look. I brought this notebook, see? None of us have any idea why there are two Me's and two Cousin Eddie's...we actually came here hoping to find some answers. We're as disturbed by this as you...if not more. We didn't do this, I swear.

There's nothing here but a good and bad column--and you haven't even written down anything under the bad column. Unlike you, I'm no fool. You're enjoying this aren't you, you adorable fool?! How do you expect to solve this problem if you're just busy enjoying your own company?

Hey, umm, other Me, can you stay here with Dee-Dee and the non-drunk Cousin Eddie, and the notebook? I need to take drunk Cousin Eddie back to the Sacred Garden. 

Sure, no problem at all. We're in this together, right, Me? As long as you admit to me that YOU are the other Me--not me. 

Fine. I'm the other Me. Whatever. I'll see you guys shortly. Please try and find some answers while you're here? Thank you. 

That finally settled, I patted Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle on the head gently, and placed her on the other Me's shoulder (please don't tell Me that I referred to him as the other me). Then I placed the drunk Cousin Eddie on my shoulder and we left the Sacred Pub for my Sacred Garden. Edwin the Bee seemed to be sound asleep upon his Lotus flower as we approached the garden gate, so I entered the gate quietly, and placed the now snoozing Cousin Eddie in his little garage made out of beer cans. He was so adorable like this. My lovely little soulmate. So precious. I kissed two of my fingers and tapped them on his little beak, then approached Achilles' Last Stand to talk to my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine. 

Well, at least you've got one of the drunk Cousin Eddie's home now. I can't imagine it will be long before Olga messages me about another drunk Cousin Eddie. Did you figure anything out while you were at the Sacred Pub?

Umm, no, not really, Madeleine. But I sort of wanted to talk to you about this...while we're alone, I mean. I'm the Kev with the turtle on his shoulder, by the way, but Dee-Dee stayed behind at the Sacred Pub. 

You sound so somber, Kev. What gives?

Well...I know I haven't been taking this whole, um...situation very seriously. And trust me, I know it's a big deal--a serious problem we have to figure out. And I guess I just sort of want to apologize to you. I know when I get like this it frustrates you. I know I'm a pain in the ass, I really do. And I know I don't admit it very often, but I know. Tuning it out is, uhh...sort of my coping mechanism. And, of course, you know I never lack for confidence--

No, Kev, you never lack for confidence...and you never will, haha. I'm sure of that. Honestly, though, that's a great quality you have in that. And yes, it annoys the hell out of me sometimes, but mostly I admire it, in all sincerity. And now it's MY turn to tell YOU something I don't say often enough: you, Mr. Kev, are the one that taught me that kind of unshakable confidence...the very kind of confidence that allows me to be a proper gatekeeper for you. Though I rarely speak of it, I always think of it. And I'm always grateful for it. Grateful to be here in your Sacred Garden. Grateful for all of it. YOU are the one who showed me to be strong. I thought I was strong before, but I wasn't. I was only pretending. You showed me how to actually BE strong, instead of just pretending. 

Aww, beautiful gatekeeper, please don't make me cry, lol. I don't want to cry right now. *sniff, sniff* And you are truly a perfect and beautiful gatekeeper for me. And thank you. I am grateful too...for all of it. I'm happy and truly honored to have you here in my Sacred Garden. As to the two Me's...and the two Cousin Eddie's, I just wanted to say that if I'm being completely honest--with myself AND with you--and I truly am right now--that as much as I recognize this is a big problem, there's also a big part of me that...that, umm...

Say no more, Mr. Kev. I understand, I really do. Look, I know well how so many that were seemingly your everythings all ended up going away. You've had to let them all go against your will. You've had to find a way to keep on living without them...and not only living, but living a happy and content life. I know those moments when you've had to battle loneliness...sometimes even something very close to despair. But guess what?! You've allowed your heart to bend and crack a bit, but you've never let it break all the way. You actually did it, you adorable pain in the ass! You've always found a way; you've always overcome. And now suddenly--out of nowhere--your TRUE everything magically comes into your life...YOU! Have you finally met your match?...pun intended, of course, lol. Are you strong enough to let YOU go? How could you possibly send your very self away? And if you did, would that finally do you in? Would that be the thing that finally, truly breaks your heart? 

*Sniff, sniff* I asked you to not make me cry....lol. *sniff sniff* Thank you, Madeleine, my beautiful beautiful gatekeeper. I honestly never knew you understood me so well. I think you might understand me even better than me. Thank you again. We'll fix this mess, I assure you. We will. I don't know how yet, but we'll do it...and we'll do it together. And no hearts are going to break in my Sacred Garden, I assure you of that too. It's MY Sacred Garden, and I won't let that happen here. No. 

Well, well, look who finally decided to finally join us! Welcome, imbeciles--one and ALL! Except you, Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle--YOU are no imbecile! Please, make yourselves at home. But please don't wake up Edwin the Bee? He's already had enough laughs for today. 

After some semi-meaningless small talk, we all parted ways in my Sacred Garden, and the two Me's headed off to the Persian rug for some much-needed rest. The non-snoozing Cousin Eddie scurried off into the bushes somewhere. I had no idea where he was headed or what he was going to do. When the two Me's finally arrived at the Persian rug, we finally found our first item to write down under the bad column in the notebook: that we had to divide my fluffy pillows among the two of us. See, both Me's like to sleep with ALL our fluffy pillows--not some of them. The gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, Dee-Dee, lie down between the two Me's, and bid us a lovely moon-greeting before easing her head back into her shell. I bid happy moon-greeting to my cousins, the Stars, and was just about to drift off into peaceful slumber. Then, suddenly, and softly, my other me, propped up his head and began whispering to me:

I have a little secret to share with you, Me. Are you ready for this?

Of course I'm ready. We're always ready. I mean, you're Me, after all.

Just then, an intense purple mist surrounded the other Me, and completely cloaked him. Then the mist evaporated, and there! Andrew of Olympus lie next to me just like that. 

"Andrew!" I shouted, though using my whispering voice. And I continued, "You totally punked me, dude! But it's so great to see you. I've missed you." 

"I've missed you too, Kev...in a way. I mean I'm always with you in some form or another. I'm around far more than you realize. And I'll have you know, it took me a lot of time to practice being you before I could pull this off. That's a tremendous honor to you, you know!"

"It is indeed," I replied, and added, "but Cousin Eddie...and the Dragon's Eye? There's only one Dragon's Eye. And who else knew about this prank?"

"So many questions, my fabulous and fabulous friend," Andrew answered, and continued, "The Dragon's Eye was a complete fake--looked so real though, huh? Love Rock baby, haha! The Casio communicator watch was real though...I charmed Yana into giving me one while we were at the Fabupalooza show. I think I'm gonna hang on to that for a while. It's an awesome watch! As to who knew about the prank, basically everyone was in on it except for you and Madeleine. Yes, Olga too, lol. As to the other Cousin Eddie, you can figure that one out if you really want to, I'm sure."

Yes, of course!" I exclaimed, "Casey the Cardinal--or, more accurately--Mr. Feathers hahaha! You guys are so sneaky. That sucks that I missed the Fabupalooza show, though. I was really looking forward to seeing that with Yana...especially The Fab Fabs. You know how much I adore Crazy Fab...and Betta Fab too!"

Andrew answered, "It's alright. If you really want to see it, you still can. Dragon's Eye, you know. Just cuz Olga doesn't like sorcery in her Sacred Pub doesn't mean you can't use it everywhere else. If you do decide to go, by the way, make other plans for when Chenelle plays...they sucked ass. Glittallica was good though. Shane Sweetfield is finally in a good place again, and Starz Ultra's drumming has never been better. And Robbie Bonito, of course, is always fabulous on bass. Ohh! And Blush was really good too! I'm really warming up to their singer, Lavender Frostdale. He definitely has some Love Rock in him. And, of course, your fabulous and favorite Fab Fabs were the highlight of the concert. Major Love Rock in them! You've got good taste, dude."

"Nice," I replied, pensively. Then I went on, "I'll have to think about that. That could open up a new can of worms with Yana. She was in on your prank too, no?"

Andrew answered, "No, actually she knew nothing about it. She thinks it was you that went to the concert with her. I told her I had misplaced my Casio communicator watch, so she hooked me up with another one. She's awesome, by the way. Total Heartshine! And the coolest black bear I've ever known. Don't worry, dude...I did you well. She had a great time and suspected nothing. I did only as you would do while I was with her, so you'll have no surprises to answer for. But I really think we should get some rest now, my fabulous Love Child."

"You're not leaving?" I asked.

"No, not yet," Andrew answered, and added, "It's a nice place you have here. I think I'll hang for a bit, if you and Madeleine don't mind. And, by the way, I just want you to know that this prank had a purpose. Your lovely sister the River will explain more once you fall asleep. And you handled it so well, you should know. I'm really proud of you, dude."

"Thank you, Andrew," I replied. "I feel the purpose now. Goodnight, fabulousness. I love you."

"I love you too, Kev," Andrew whispered softly. And we both drifted off into wonderful slumber upon the Persian rug. 


Life is so beautiful beautiful! 
Thank you all for joining me on this crazy journey.
So grateful grateful!
I love you.
XX
​Kev



​
​



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Chapter 36b: I Have Two Kev's...One For Each of You Part II

12/19/2017

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Something many of you might not know about these chapters that I write--even the silliest, most absurd ones--often contain a secret and important (and sometimes deep) underlying message...sometimes for myself, and sometimes for others. This is one of those chapters for sure, except that I'm actually telling you the underlying message...so it's not a secret one. Not most of it, anyway. I will do my best to write it in a way so the reader isn't forced to delve into the deeper message if they don't want to. So it can just be weird and silly if you want it to be, and very little deep thought will be required to hopefully enjoy it. 

The underlying message in this chapter, of course, involves one's relationship with one's own self. I'm not going to get into all of the philosophical and/or religious aspects of this concept...though I have my personal beliefs on such things, as I imagine most anyone that reads this also does. The spiritual concepts of our dual nature of being have been explored and explained by much brighter people than I over the millennia already, so there's no need for me to do it again. No, I'm attempting to take the very scientific position that we each have our own unique perspective on things based upon countless factors...and that it's very difficult (if not impossible) for us to be objective when it comes to describing ourselves to others. As humans, we have a tendency either to under or overestimate ourselves in many respects. It's just what we do, it seems to me. Remember how weird it sounded when you heard an audio recording of your own voice for the first time? Or how weird you looked the first time you saw video footage of yourself? Even looking in the mirror can be awkward at times. And that's nothing more than a reflection! But even looking in the mirror or watching a video isn't the same as actually being in the same room with another physical being that also happens to be YOU. From an empathic standpoint, is looking deep into your own eyes in a mirror's reflection the same as it would be actually looking into a separate being's eyes who happened to be YOU? Honestly, I don't know. And that's something I'm wondering if I can figure out as I write this chapter...but only for fun...not for scientific reasons. If nothing else, the reader will get a good look at how I see myself...for better or for worse, whether the same or different from how others see me. 

We're going to handle character dialogue in this chapter the same as we did in Part I of Chapter 36, which is to say their words will be color coded rather than using quotation marks...again, so that we don't have to deal with the "he said," and then she replied..." stuff. I'm copying and pasting the color chart now from part I so you don't have to remember or leave the page. Remember if you're reading this on a mobile device, you can scroll all the way to the bottom of the page and switch to "WEB" instead of the default "MOBILE" to see the text in their respective colors (the text will all be black with a white background if you don't change this setting).


Kev will speak in Purple
My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, the Albino Peacock (Peahen) will speak in White
Kev with a turtle on his shoulder will speak in Orange
Dee-Dee the Turtle (upon Kev's shoulder) will speak in Blue
Both Cousin Eddie's will speak in Red
Olga the bartender fairy will speak in Yellow
Edwin the Bee will speak in the same Green as the general story-telling segments

And so now, on with the conclusion to Chapter 36:

So we have good news and bad news, my beautiful gatekeeper.

But mostly good news, Madeleine!

Ahh, yes, I see! But I'm not sure which part you're considering the bad news yet. I'm assuming you've both decided that having two of you around is good news? And you didn't explode, so that's good news too, right?

Yes! See, you know me so well, beautiful gatekeeper!

And me too, Madeleine, yes! You know me so well too!

And so the bad news would be that neither of you have any clue as to why there are now two Kev's in the Sacred Garden?

Exactly.

Yep. Right again. You're so clever, Madeleine. 

I was going to say that too!

I know, haha! But I beat you too it! *High five*

Oy vey...this is going to be a complete disaster. I can feel it already. Hopefully Mitzy will be here with our shipment soon. I'm going to need extra wine to get through this fiasco. I can feel that too! In the meantime, do you two have a plan yet as to how to figure out why this happened so that we can work out a solution? 

Well, not really no, Madeleine. But we have a pretty good idea I think to get us started.

Yes, yes, beautiful gatekeeper, it's not like we're not doing anything. We've already worked out a way to begin working on it. 

We have? I mean, yes...we have. 

Ohh I can't wait to hear this...I'm sure it's some sort of brilliant way to pretend you're doing something while actually doing nothing. Oh how you excel at that!

We'll report back to your shortly, beautiful gatekeeper. 

Yes, we're going to the Persian rug to get my notebook. Then we can show you our plan.

Yes, exactly. Our plan that I already mentioned to you. 

It was actually quite pleasant walking with myself through my Sacred Garden. En route to the Persian rug, the two me's discussed our lack of a plan...but also took time to admire one another, of course. We considered holding hands for a moment, but ultimately decided against it. Turns out there are some things that are too strange and awkward even for ME. We did manage to confirm, however, that we both had Casio communicator watches on our left wrists--and Dragon's Eyes in our pockets. This was indeed a most mysterious mystery...one that would not easily be solved. Dee-Dee, the gorgeous Turtle upon my shoulder was taking a nap, we went ahead and assumed, since she was inside her shell and had made no sounds at all since we were at Madeleine's desk, Achilles' Last Stand. 

The two me's found Cousin Eddie thumbing through our record collection when we arrived at the Persian rug. Cousin Eddie, ever being Cousin Eddie, didn't seem concerned or even surprised to see that there were now two Kev's. He only greeted us politely, and tossed us each a can of beer. We all three toasted and chugged down our beers. Then the other me retrieved my notebook. 


You're not surprised that there's two of me, Cousin Eddie?

Not in the least, Mr. Kev. We live in a strange and magical place. Things like this happen sometimes, you know. It's no big deal. Besides, I ran into another ME, too. No explosions, no drama. It was actually pretty cool. Two Cousin Eddie's means twice as many beer can creations built in half the time! 

Wait a minute! So we have two Kev's AND two Cousin Eddie's running around in the Sacred Garden?! 

Generally, yes. But at the moment, no. My other me is at the Sacred Pub, enjoying some well-earned leisure. And I know you're going to ask, so the answer is no...we decided not to tell Madeleine. We're enjoying myself, and we figured there was no reason to get her going. I open cans of beer, not cans of worms, lol. And speaking of cans of beer...here...catch! A toast: To all the Kev's and all of the Cousin Eddie's here and everywhere! 

Here, here!

And hear, hear! 

Uh-oh, dudes...Madeleine just messaged me on my Casio communicator watch. She seems upset. 
She says we need to get...


Our trouble-making asses to Achilles' Last Stand right away...yes, I got the message too. So what are we going to tell her our plan is? Just mark things down under the good and bad columns in the notebook, and tally them up as we watch carefully for clues to an actual solution? 

Yep, I think it's our best angle for now. We both know she's not going to like it, but at least it's something, right? 

Good luck, Kev's.

Oh, no, Cousin Eddie, you're coming with us! We're gonna need my soulmate for this!

Fine, fine, Mr. Kev.

It was a slow, slow march back to Achilles' Last Stand. We stalled as long as we could, without it looking as though we were stalling. Believing in our own foolish way, as we do, that Madeleine might not be on to us...but knowing full well in our hearts that she's always a few steps ahead of us. That's what makes her such a great gatekeeper, you know. And a pain in our trouble-making asses...albeit a beautiful pain. Once we arrived at Madeleine's desk, it went about as both of me imagined it would:

Oh, so nice to see you again, Kev...and Kev...and one of the Cousin Eddies! Yes, I know ALL about the other Cousin Eddie! You fools...all of you! Olga just messaged me to let me know Cousin Eddie has had far too many Minute Meads, and someone needs to come and walk him home from the Sacred Pub. Isn't that just lovely?! Shall I just send over the other Cousin Eddie to do it? I'm sure that will work out so fabulously. 

Actually, beautiful gatekeeper, it's funny you should mention the Sacred Pub...seems like perfect timing. See, we've got my notebook, and we were going to take it to the Sacred Pub and start doing some investigating...start getting to the bottom of this strange occurrence, you know. There are some clever folks there...especially Olga. 

The bottom of a few Minute Meads, I'd wager! Investigating, my ass! 

Pardon me, Madeleine, but please lower your voice? Dee-Dee is still sleeping. 

Nope. I'm awake now.

And you stop snickering, please, Cousin Eddie. You know damn well what I meant. 

Sorry, Madeleine.

Look, Madeleine, see? We've created two columns in my notebook...one for good things about there being two of me, and the other for bad things about there being two of me. We've already began filling some things in. We feel that through the course of the sun and moon-greeting we'll be able to tally enough goods and bads. Then we can weigh them against each other, and possibly find some clues as to how this came to be in the first place. 

Completely asinine and useless! But that's just perfect for you! And you don't have anything written down under the bad column, by the way. And it's so nice you were finally able to really hug yourself for the first time. Of course that would be a really good thing in your book!

See, you know me so well, my beautiful gatekeeper! And that's a very good thing. I'm going to write that down under the good column!

Oh, yes! Definitely write that down there...she knows us so very well! See, we're already making progress!

So that's progress?! How do you deal with this Madeleine?

Oh, so now the Turtle decides to speak?

I have a name, you know. And you better be nice to me. You just never know how I may be able to help you.I'm a very intelligent Turtle. As the REAL Kev knows!

Hey, it's okay, Dee-Dee. I'm sure the other Kev didn't mean any personal offense. He's me, you know. I'm sorry, gorgeous, intelligent Turtle.

REAL Kev? The "other" Kev?! Dude...I'm YOU! We're in this together. And if anyone is the REAL Kev, it's ME. I'm the one that's been here all along.

No, I'm the original Kev that's always been here. Cousin Eddie knows!

Leave me out of this, dudes. Here, have another beer.

Oh yes, more beer is definitely going to help us solve this mess! Great! Wonderful. Actually, what the hell...toss me one of those too, please, Cousin Eddie. And Dee-Dee?

Yes, please. Though I prefer wine.

The wine will be here shortly, Dee-Dee. I know that for sure because I handle ordering our shipments from Mitzy. If Kev or Kev handled it we'd never have anything!

How can YOU be the original Kev?! You just got here...with a Turtle--sorry, Dee-Dee--on your shoulder that no one else has ever known!

Ahh, I see you are enjoying this far too much, Edwin! Don't think I don't see you over there snickering from atop your lotus flower. You know something, don't you?

Ohh, indeed. I know everything...as you well know..both of you Kev's. 

So tell us. Please? Tell us so that we can figure out what happened and how we can fix it?

So now that things are awry, you have time for dear old Edwin, do you? You humans really are so pathetic at times. But I'm going to do you a tremendous favor, Kev, my son...I'm going to stay out of this and let you figure it all out yourself--with yourself. I know you can do it. If you really want to. That's how you'll learn, you see. Besides, as you already mentioned, I'm enjoying this far too much to have it end so quickly, lol. 

Well, You did tell me to learn to love myself as a spouse rather than as a mistress, Edwin. I haven't forgotten that. If nothing else, this will be a way of putting that concept to the test. 

That is a very cogent thought, Kev. And a great start toward solving your latest dilemma. 

Umm, excuse me, but have you imbeciles forgotten we still have the problem of there being at least two Cousin Eddie's now too? That we know of! There could be multiples of BOTH of you that we just haven't come across yet. And if there are multiple Kev's and Cousin Eddie's, that means there could also be multiple others...Dear Caesar's, Ptolemy's, T-Yays, Caw-Caw Carl's...and on an on. I don't think you're realizing how serious this whole thing is. 

Oh, yes, yes...of course! Two Cousin Eddie's...I forgot to write that down in the good column!

Ohh, indeed, that's a good good thing! Two soulmates. Writing that down right now!

Thank you Mr. Kev! Cheers!

Of course you would write that down under the good column! I'm surprised you guys didn't make a good good column too! Noooo...forget that I said that. Please don't do that. I was only joking. 

Umm, Cousin Eddie, can I have another one of those beers?

Of course you can, gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee! Cheers! But drink it up quick...we've got to go to the Sacred Pub and get drunk me out of there before Olga the bartender fairy bans us all. You know how she gets when I get too drunk.

Actually, I don't. We've only just met, you know?

Well I know, haha! Remember that time Olga confiscated your remote control patrol jeep?

How could I forget? Ahh, what a night that was! 

Indeed! Here here!

Here here!

Here here!

Now go, go, you imbeciles! And try and come back with some useful information please? And Dee-Dee, take some of these kale chips with you. You're going to need them for sure!

And so two Kev's--one with a gorgeous and intelligent turtle named Dee-Dee upon his shoulder--and one Cousin Eddie were off to the Sacred Pub to retrieve the other Cousin Eddie who was too drunk to stay there. What could possibly go wrong?

We'll find out in part III of this chapter, when I get around to writing it. Hopefully soon.

Thank you all for reading and just generally for being along on my crazy journey.

Beautiful of beautifuls!

I love you

I love you

XX
​









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Chapter 36a: I Have Two Kev's...One For Each Of You Part I

12/12/2017

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I always enjoy writing these stories, and I especially enjoy the odd, silly ones. Every once in a while I try little experiments with the chapters...just to see how they might turn out. This chapter is just such an experiment...enough of one, in fact, that it requires this introductory paragraph. And yes, I generally begin chapters with an introductory paragraph or two..but in all honesty, that's just because I'm long-winded; not because they are necessarily necessary. Without giving away too much of the story, I'm just going to tell you there's going to be lots and lots of dialogue in this chapter, which is to say this chapter will be very dialogue-driven. So to make this process more efficient, I'm going to  color code the words rather than using all the "He said," "Then she replied," etc stuff. Those of you that have read previous chapters will know I generally use a green text (like the one I'm using as I type this), so I'm going to continue using that same color for general story-telling segments throughout this chapter. The dialogue for the parts spoken by our characters will be coded as follows:

Kev will speak in Purple
My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, the Albino Peacock (Peahen) will speak in White
Kev with a turtle on his shoulder will speak in Orange
Dee-Dee the Turtle (upon Kev's shoulder) will speak in Blue
Both Cousin Eddie's will speak in Red
Olga the bartender fairy will speak in Yellow
Edwin the Bee will speak in the same Green as the general story-telling segments

So a final note before we get on with the chapter: if you're reading this chapter, it's likely you're reading it on a mobile device which means ALL the text will appear black with a white background. I will try to make the dialogue the least confusing as I can without using quotations. However, if you want to change this, simply scroll to the very bottom of the page and select "WEB" instead of the "MOBILE" that it defaults to. Then it will display all the text colors with a black background. To change it back again (if you have chosen to do so) scroll all the way to the very bottom of the page again (the very last line on the far right beneath the banner) and select "MOBILE SITE." Anyway, thank you all for being a part of this journey, and let's get on with the story!.......

My return to my Sacred Garden after a lengthy journey started out usual enough. Everything looked the same as I had remembered. My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, was busy upon Achilles' Last Stand typing away on her laptop. Of course I should have known right away that something very strange was about to happen when I greeted Edwin the Bee upon entering, and He only chuckled at me. For whatever reason, that thought never entered my consciousness, however. I suppose I just chalked it up to Edwin being actually happy to see me again since I was gone for so long. Now that I type this, it becomes painfully clear just how foolish it was for me to chalk up such a thing! I can be very dense at times. *sigh*

Ahoy there, my beautiful gatekeeper! Beautiful as ever!

Oh, hey there Kev! I've been so wrapped up with these postings to the Andrew forum for the fairies, that I didn't even catch you sneaking past me! I see you've found a new friend! 

Yes indeed! Isn't she gorgeous? This is Dee-Dee the Turtle. We found each other by the bank of my lovely sister the River just past the border to Flatlandia. She was looking for a purpose, and helped me to realize that I also have been searching for a purpose. So we just sort of hit it off right away.

Gorgeous indeed! It's nice to meet you, Dee-Dee. Kale chip?

Oh, yes! I love kale chips! Thank you. Mmm...delicious. You are every bit as beautiful of a gatekeeper as Kev said you were. And your sacred garden is even more stunning than I imagined it. 

Well, thank you, gorgeous Dee-Dee. And welcome to our beloved Xanadu Forest. And Kev, why didn't you tell me about Dee-Dee before? You know you shouldn't be hiding your relationships from your gatekeeper...kind of hard to gatekeep that way, you know?

Well I just got here, Madeleine. I suppose I could've messaged you from the Casio communicator watch to warn you, but I didn't think it was so important that it couldn't wait until I returned. 

But you said you found each other in Flatlandia. Even at your most motivated, which is not that motivated, I should add...you wouldn't be able to make it to Flatlandia and back in a single sun-greeting. A rabbit and a hare indeed, haha!

Who said anything about a single sun-greeting, beautiful gatekeeper? I've been gone for many sun and moon-greetings...as I would expect you to know. So many that I've lost count. And why are all the garden gate activity logs already signed off on? There should be a whole stack of them for me to sign off on. 

I can attest to that, beautiful Madeleine...I've been traveling with Kev for at least a few sun and moon-greetings. 

Is this some sort of prank, Kev? If it is, it's not funny. I've got a lot of work to catch up on, you know. The Andrew forums have blown up like crazy since the Fabupalooza concert in Lustra. And thank you for all the pictures you took for me, by the way. The fairies are so in love with me now! So can we end the prank now? And I can get back to the forums, and you can get back to doing whatever it is Kev's do when they're actually doing something? Please? And here, have a kale chip. Just made a fresh batch--lemon pepper with honey. 

I swear, Madeleine, there's no prank here--or if there is, I'm not in on it. I'm at least as confused as you are, beautiful gatekeeper. Really. And mmm...these are delicious! Only YOU could get me to eat kale chips! Wait a minute!!!...did you say Fabupalooza?!! I haven't been to the Fabupalooza concert! I was waiting to hear back from Yana for when we would go. When did I supposedly give you pictures I took at Fabupalooza? 

A few sun-greetings ago. Kev, something is seriously wrong here. Unless you're messing with me! I'm totally serious now, Kev...if this is a joke, you need to tell me right now. Because if it's not a joke, we have a major problem on our hands.

I can't swear enough...I'm thoroughly confused, Madeleine. Yes, something is majorly wrong here. This is so not good.

Do you guys think someone is impersonating Kev?

Either that, or something has gone wrong from when Tick-Tock Doc and I created a time machine and accidentally invented time. But we destroyed all the time machines and sent all the Kev's and Cousin Eddie's back to their proper timelines. Or so we believed. Either way, it's a really bad thing.


Wait!!! Time machines? Plural, as in more than one?!! And ALL the Kev's and Cousin Eddie's?!! And how come I've never heard of this incident? And boy, when you foul things up you really foul things up, don't you?! Exactly how many Kev's and Cousin Eddie's were there?

Honestly, I can't remember how many...but I think there were like 12 or 13 of us--each-- here in the Xanadu Forest...at its peak. It's a long story, but basically it happened like you said, Madeleine...when we foul things up we really foul things up. We realized our mistake right off and kept traveling back to a point before we invented time by accident. But we kept messing up, not realizing that each time we used the time machine, we were sort of copying and pasting another of us into our timeline. It was a design flaw...and that's Tick-Tock Doc's fault, not mine! Just saying. All this happened before you were my beautiful gatekeeper. You were just the county clerk when all this went down. 

That sounds like a complete and utter disaster you had going!

Oh, you have no idea, Dee-Dee! Kev and his companions are capable of the most epic of disastrous situations. Wait!!! I just remembered something, Kev. I remember a sun-greeting when I was in the county clerk's office...you brought Dear Caesar Emeritus, Ptolemy the Gentle Boxer, and Cousin Eddie into the office and hid them in the closet. I believe you told me it was important they stay hiding there for a while...that you were playing a very special game of hide and seek, or something like that.

Yes, yes, that's the time! The time we accidentally invented time. We had to hide everyone from their other selves so that they wouldn't bump into each other. We were afraid they might explode in they did.

And so now I'm suspecting there were multiples of Dear Caesar and Ptolemy too?

Yes, yes there were. Thankfully there were only 4 or 5 sets of them though. But we sent all of them back to their proper timelines as well. I'm sure of that.

Wow, Kev...you really DO have crazy adventures! I thought you were exaggerating. Now I'm starting to think you don't have a problem finding your purpose--you have a problem KEEPING UP with ALL your purposes! 

Well said, gorgeous Dee-Dee! Here, have some more kale chips. And Madeleine, I've just thought of an idea. Can you message me on the Casio communicator watch and ask me to come to Achilles' Last Stand? I'm going to hide in the bushes for a bit and see if another Kev shows up. We didn't have the Casio watches when we accidentally invented time, so it should be very telling indeed...if another Kev shows up.


Yes, yes, that's a good idea, Kev. Now hurry, go hide!

I'm not sure what sort of outcome I was hoping for. I believe I was mostly just cycling through lots of different possibilities in my mind. Broken pieces of thoughts. Anxiety is so inefficient, you know. I remained crouched down silently in the bushes, Dee-Dee the gorgeous Turtle upon my shoulder, my eyes fixed upon Madeleine's desk, Achilles' Last Stand. I was able to feel my heart beating in my throat...which is never a good sign for me. Moments went by and fluttered away--still no sign of another Kev. I briefly tried to convince myself that perhaps the problem had already fixed itself and there was no other Kev. Then Dee-Dee tried to convince me how foolish I was being for trying to convince myself of that. I thanked her for that. 

Then suddenly a voice behind me...right over my shoulder only inches from my ear!!! An all too familiar voice!

Why are you guys spying on Madeleine, my beautiful gatekeeper? Oh, and why are there two of us here?

Both of me nearly fainted instantly as I jumped up and looked into my own eyes--for the first time ever..without the aid of a mirror. Dee-Dee the gorgeous Turtle spring-boarded off my shoulder when I jumped up, and she crawled away toward additional shelter as quickly as she could...in the event there might be a terrible explosion. You might have guessed, dear reader, that there wasn't any explosion at all, since I'm gratefully still around to tell you this story. 

To be continued, in Part II

Thank you all for being a part of my journey.
Life is beautiful beautiful. 
I love you.
I love you.

Kev
Kev

XX


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Chapter 35: The Journey Of Home & A Turtle Without Purpose

12/8/2017

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One would think that since I live in a most perfect Sacred Garden in the midst of a mostly perfect and blessed forest, that I would have no longings, no lackings, and never any need to escape. Mostly, this is true. But then again, there are seasons and then there are seasons...and my human heart is far from perfect, despite living in as perfect place as one can possibly live while wearing a human body. This is no complaint, mind you, for I know well how blessed I am, and I am grateful for and with every breath. 

I'm not sure why we humans have an ongoing need to be constantly searching for that "something"...whatever that something may be. I know in my own case I don't even know what that something is. But it's very real--I feel it in my heart--and it whispers my name...unless I ignore it too many times, and it begins to call me more and more loudly until it grows into a shout. Figuratively, I mean, of course. And so I end up leaving the safety and comfort of my perfect Sacred Garden in search of this "something"...that something I can't name or really understand. Is that a purpose? To be honest, I'm not sure. Perhaps we only ever have really small purposes with each sun-greeting? Maybe. Maybe even several smaller purposes in a single sun-greeting? Perhaps. 

And so, for whatever reason, I decided to bring this particular escape from my Sacred Garden to and end and return home. As I drew near the border between Flatlandia and by beloved Xanadu Forest, I decided to head further east and say hello to my lovely sister, the River. I found a lovely flat spot on my sister's bank, and sat down, soaking in her beauty. Oh how she always flows...endlessly, eternally. I wrapped my arms around my hunched up knees, and rested my chin thoughtfully upon them. I spoke to her with my heart, knowing well she would only answer me when I slept. 

Then, suddenly, my heart felt the strong presence of another heart watching me. I instinctively turned to my right, and there on the River's bank next to me was a turtle...silent and not moving. Just looking up at me in some sort of wonder. "Well, hello there, little gorgeous one," I spoke, and stroked the turtle's head gently with two fingers. The turtle remained silent, so I continued, "You know, you are the first turtle I've ever seen in our lands. We don't have turtles here in Interterrestria. I had forgotten how beautiful you are."

The turtle blushed a little, and finally answered, "Thank you. You're very beautiful too. I'm Dee-Dee. I guess you already know I'm from...umm...elsewhere. A very far away elsewhere." 

"I have never heard of 'elsewhere,' gorgeousness--not even a very far away one," I replied. 

The lovely turtle laughed. It was a most beautiful laugh--a sort of high pitched, squeaking and adorable laugh that's hard to describe beyond that. Then she finally spoke again, "Well it's not called 'Elsewhere' of course, silly...there's just no way to pronounce it in your language. Our language is made up only of squeaks, high pitched grunts, and occasional clicks. I don't believe your throat would be able to make such sounds."

"Try me," I suggested.

And Dee-Dee did. And I can't even begin to type how her turtle voice sounded. 

"Umm yeah," I admitted, "I guess we better stick to English for now." And we both laughed a little more. Then I finally asked her, "So how did you get here?"

Dee-Dee seemed to think long and hard before answering, "Well, I left my home long, long ago. I stowed away on a ship and crossed the seas. The ship finally docked and I found myself in a dirty, dark industrial city filled with nasty seagulls. I knew I couldn't stay there, so--"

"Ahh, Bleakerton!" I interrupted. And I added, "Port Pollutus is where your ship would have docked. You poor thing! You're blessed to have made it out of there alive--a tender gorgeousness such as yourself. Seagulls are the worst! I've only been to Bleakerton once, and I have to say--"

Then Dee-Dee interrupted me right back, laughing adorably, as she said, "Yeah, they're total assholes! But you know, a shell is a pretty handy thing to have."

"Yes, I suppose it really would be," I confirmed. Then I asked the lovely Dee-Dee, "Can I ask why you decided to take upon such a long journey?"

Dee-Dee took no thought at all before answering, "Purpose. I have no purpose. And I want a purpose. We turtles have no purpose, you know. We're just turtles." 

This intrigued me greatly, and it was not lost on me that I had just been pondering something like this before I met Dee-Dee upon my sister's bank. So much synchronicity...even in my own imaginary lands. I gazed into the beauty of my sister the River for quite some time before I finally offered up, "Perhaps simply being a turtle IS you purpose. Why must it be more than that?"

Dee-Dee shook her head very slowly before offering back, "Nope. Not good enough for me. I need a higher purpose...my heart says so. And, I should add, you sound like my parents! And, your lovely sister the River says you are not so different. She says I should ask you why you are sitting here next to me. You are searching for something too, are you not?"

"Wow! You can hear my sister speak!?" I exclaimed. She only speaks to ME in my sleep."

"Of course I can! You didn't know we turtles can speak to water?!" Dee-Dee exclaimed back at me. And the gorgeous turtle added, "And please don't try and dodge my question by changing the subject. What are YOU searching for?"

Dee-Dee had me there. I could only reply, "You're a very clever and gorgeous turtle indeed. To be perfectly honest, I don't know what it is I'm searching for. There's just this 'something' that calls me away sometimes. It's like I need to escape sometimes. Just get away. I don't know how to explain it. I live in the most perfect place, you know, my Sacred Garden. I have no wants or needs. And yet, sooner or later, I'm always running away again. It's not that I'm unhappy. It's just...umm...I don't know. I'd say a shell is a pretty great thing to have sometimes."

Dee-Dee replied quickly, "Yes, having a shell is a great thing sometimes. My home goes with me wherever I go. It protects me--keeps me safe. But it's not always all that it's cracked up to be. Look at how the birds only keep their shells until they've grown enough...then they crack them and leave them behind. They find their purpose and emerge. You know what I think? I think you're searching for your purpose too."

I smiled, and stroked the gorgeous turtle's head gently again with two fingers, and said, "Perhaps. But I've already had lots of purposes. For instance, I'm the assistant county clerk of the Xanadu Forest, not to mention the keeper of my Sacred Garden."

Clever Dee-Dee responded quickly, "So why are you here in the middle of nowhere talking to a turtle? Shouldn't you be at work?"

I hesitated, but finally answered, "Well, umm...I don't really like to work very much. I hired an assistant to the assistant county clerk to handle things in the office. A lovely Steller's Jay named Caw Caw Carl."

Dee-Dee the gorgeous turtle caught me again, "So that's obviously not your purpose. What do you do in your Sacred Garden?"

I answered more quickly this time, "Well, I mostly sign off on garden gate activity logs for Madeleine, my beautiful gatekeeper, and I hang out with my soulmate Cousin Eddie, the Raven. He builds stuff out of empty beer cans. And sometimes we play records and board games...and chug beer of course, so that Cousin Eddie has plenty of empties to build things with."

Dee-Dee asked poignantly, and pointedly, "And you'd consider that a purpose?"

I replied, "Well, I've been studying the ancient Xanaduvian language too, and learning about the ancient history of our lands. Dear Caesar Emeritus the librarian gives me homework packets to do, and I've learned a lot."

Dee-Dee continued her line of questioning, "So where are your homework packets now?"

I hesitated again, then finally admitted, "Well, Caw Caw Carl has been taking care of those while I've been away. But I'll be working on them as soon as I get back."

"I see," Dee-Dee, the gorgeous turtle sighed, obviously unconvinced. And she continued, "You see that I'm a turtle. How would you say that in the ancient Xanaduvian language?"

I answered sheepishly, "Well, I haven't gotten to amphibians yet--since we don't have them in our lands--so I don't know. But I can name many others in ancient Xanaduvian."

Dee-Dee pop quizzed me, "Name three animals. No hesitating."

"Okay, fine," I said, and continued, "Ave transkas is 'Raven,' Bah is 'Bear,' and obehfwaray is 'Tiger.'

"Ooh! I like tigers!" Dee-Dee exclaimed. Then she asked me, "Do you have any tigers here in your lands?"

Such a clever and gorgeous turtle, Dee-Dee is! She had me again. I could only reply sheepishly, "No, we don't have tigers in interterrestria."

"I thought as much," Dee-Dee sort of gently sneered. Then she smiled so wonderfully, and said to me, "You know what? I think we both found our purpose...if only a purpose for this sun-greeting. I'm so glad we met. Which reminds me, you haven't told me your name."

I replied happily, "Ohh, you're right! Forgive me, Dee-Dee. My name is Kev. And it's so nice to meet you too. For certain, our meeting was no accident."

Dee-Dee looked surprised, and asked, "Wait a minute! Kev?! Like THE Kev that writes such beautiful stories from the heart of the Xanadu Forest?!"

It was my turn to blush. I smiled a large and warm smile, "Yes, sweet and gorgeous Dee-Dee, that is me. How could you have heard of me?"

Dee-Dee smiled warmly back at me and answered, "Your stories are legendary throughout our land...where the turtles live...I mean, where I came from."

I smiled again, but didn't feel like saying anything else just then except, "Ves ves! Gratotsik e voum."

"Excuse me?" Dee-Dee asked.

"That's ancient Xanaduvian, darlin. It means 'Thank you very much. I love you.'"

"Ohh, I like that, Kev. It's a pretty language," Dee-Dee spoke softly, then she asked, "And how would you say 'you're welcome'?"

"Egrasema," I quickly responded, and added, "It translates literally into 'it's a small love to me'...which is the Xanaduvian way of saying 'it's no big deal.' But it's often shortened to simply 'egras'...for the sake of brevity."

Dee-Dee the gorgeous turtle climbed up onto my lap just then, smiled, and spoke so warmly, "Egrasema, Kev. Gratotsik e voum." 

And I stroked Dee-Dee's head gently once more with two fingers as we both looked out at my beautiful sister, the River, and our hearts listened to her voice.

It was a most beautiful sun and moon-greeting. 

Life is so beautiful beautiful.
Thank you lovelies for always being you and for being out there. If we have but one purpose, may it be that we forever overcome the darkness that gathers around the Light. And may we succeed!

Gratotsik e voum
(I love you)

Kev.
XX
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    KeV Atomic was Xanadu Dead and is now both of them. 

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