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Chapter 24: Caw-Caw Carl & Gemini Cricket: Assistant to the Assistant

5/9/2017

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A relationship with one's gatekeeper is often a strange one, and always a difficult one to describe to those that have never had a gatekeeper. Many celebrities have  gatekeepers in their lives, since, in many cases, it's necessary. A gatekeeper's primary purpose, of course, is to determine who is to be let into one's personal life as the sea of fame (or infamy) becomes ever more difficult to navigate when celebrity swells. We see right away, of course, how a celebrity can easily be overwhelmed by crazed fans or even opportunists looking to easily cash in on the hard work of others. What we often overlook, however, is how the nature of every personal relationship a celebrity has becomes changed in one way or another--this includes family, longtime friends, band mates, and lovers. In this respect, a gatekeeper is sort of a military strategist, gathering information and poring through maps to anticipate where potential conflicts might arise in or near the celebrity's inner circle--and determining the best course of action if and when it should become necessary. As an example, a gatekeeper might sense the celebrity's spouse is growing resentful for any number of reasons, and would encourage said celebrity to take necessary steps to prevent it from becoming an actual conflict. Or it could be as simple as reminding the celebrity that his/her's wedding anniversary is rapidly approaching, and might even make some suggestions to make the anniversary extra special.

This leads us to the two most often forgotten roles of a gatekeeper, and perhaps the most important ones: that of a compass, and of an editor/proofreader. See, as the sea of fame swells, so does the celebrity's ego swell along with it..and without proper guidance the celebrity can easily find themselves lost at sea. Couple the loss of a moral compass with a demanding and hectic work schedule, and you have the makings of a perfect storm that can sink the celebrity's ship in the blink of an eye. As an editor/proofreader, the gatekeeper is also there for the celebrity to bounce thoughts, feelings, and ideas off of. The proper gatekeeper will know the celebrity's heart, mind, and spirit intimately, and would ideally be the first to inform the celebrity when they are acting out of character, and to remind them who they are as a person. A gatekeeper is there to kick the celebrity's ego down a few notches when needed, but also to lift it a few notches when needed. As you can see, the ideal relationship between a gatekeeper and its celebrity would be the most intimate relationship they will ever have. The gatekeeper will know secrets no one in the world will ever know...not even friends and family. A good gatekeeper must be highly empathic and very strong and willing to speak openly and bluntly--especially during the times when the celebrity is most resistant to advice and opinions from others. 

But you see, not all people that have a gatekeeper are celebrities, and not all people even realize they have a gatekeeper. So why do we common folk have and need a gatekeeper? Perhaps because we have been inordinately blessed and have a most precious sacred garden inside us that must always be protected from those who would do us harm--whether intentional or no. And because we're only human...and life happens. 

And at the gate of my precious sacred garden, of course, is precisely where my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine first met Caw-Caw Carl, the Stellers Jay, and his silent and invisible friend Gemini Cricket. It began something like this:

"Good day, beautiful, gatekeeper gatekeeper," the Stellers Jay uttered.

"Good sun greeting, we say here in our Xanadu Forest," Madeleine replied, and asked, "How may I help you?"

"I am Caw Caw Carl Carl, and I'm here here to begin my gatekeeper internship-ship. And this little little fellow you likely can't see see is my dear dear friend and guide, Gemini Cricket." Then Caw Caw Carl removed a wrinkled napkin from under his wing and handed it to Madeleine, adding, "You'll see everything is in order order. This letter letter from Headmaster Stevens at Atherton should explain it better better than I have."

Madeleine took the wrinkled napkin and adjusted her glasses, "Well, Mr. Carl Carl"--

But  Caw Caw Carl interrupted her immediately saying, "Not Carl Carl, thank you you. Just Carl Carl."

Madeleine sighed, but remained patient, suspecting the Stellers Jay may have suffered from some sort of mental illness, "I see, Mr. Carl. Caw Caw, Carl, if I'm saying it properly?" Then she paused and Carl nodded his confirmation happily. Then my beautiful gatekeeper went on, "I used to attend Atherton myself you know, and actually was an assistant to Headmaster Stevens for a while during my own legitimate internship. I've never known him to use wrinkled napkins in lieu of official letterhead--or to write in Stellers Jay scratch. I'm going to tell you only once that you stand in the midst of the very heart of Interterrestria, and that lies and deceit are bound to get you permanently banned from the Xanadu Forest...if you get my drift?" And Madeleine handed the forged letter back to Caw Caw Carl.

To Madeleine's surprise the Stellers Jay got the drift perfectly. He sighed and said, "Fine fine. The truth is is that I was never a student at at Atherton. I was only  the night night janitor there. But I have always always had a dream of becoming a gatekeeper like like yourself. The sacred sacred garden you watch over is renown throughout all lands. Please please don't turn me me away. And Gemini Cricket just just told me to tell you that you are very very beautiful." 

Then, in a surprising move, Madeleine jumped up onto her desk, Achilles' Last Stand, and gestured for Caw Caw Carl to join her. Then she said to the grateful Stellers Jay, "The first job of a good gatekeeper is to notify the garden's master immediately when an unusual situation arises at the gate. Then she pressed a button on her GARCOM console and shouted through the loudspeaker, "Kev, please report to garden gate. Guest waiting. Kev, report to garden gate. Guest waiting!" 

I was peacefully asleep upon the Persian rug when the loudspeaker shrieked, of course, and was annoyed that Madeleine had managed to interrupt yet another sweet dream I was enjoying. I jumped up and muttered something I won't repeat here, and stomped my way toward the garden gate. "That wasn't very nice, Kev!" the loudspeaker shrieked as I marched on, grumbling. While I was making my way to Madeleine's desk, she returned to her gatekeeping lesson, and said to Caw Caw Carl, "See, we always tell the garden master that we're notifying them immediately so that they are aware of everything that is going on. But the real reason we do this is because the sooner you get the garden master to the gate, the sooner you can pass the work onto them...and the less work you have to do. If you get my drift?" 

Caw Caw Carl got the drift very well once again, hopped off of Achilles' Last Stand and rushed to greet me. Knowing that my annoyance was no fault of his, I greeted the Stellers Jay warmly and shook his extended wing. Then I turned to Madeleine and raised my voice, "So we're just letting anyone into my sacred garden now?!" Then I clarified with Carl that I meant no offense toward him.

Madeleine wasted no time stating, "He's not just anyone, he's Caw Caw Carl, a lovely Stellers Jay from my Alma Mater, Atherton, who has come to here to begin his gatekeeper internship by request of Headmaster Stevens. But he's not doing it here in the sacred garden, I can assure you of that! Which is where you come in, Mr. Kev...I need you to take Mr. Carl into the forest and find him a job as an assistant. And before you leave, I need you to sign off on the garden gate activity logs." 

It seemed a lot of information for me to process while a portion of me was still slumbering, but Madeleine's assertiveness and commanding tone somehow made it all make sense. It was also effective in me forgetting that I still wanted to shout at her. She is such a clever beautiful gatekeeper! I signed off on the activity logs and asked her if she might have Cousin Eddie bake up another batch of pumpernickel while I was away. She thanked me for signing off on the logs as I handed her the clipboard, and assured me she'd pass the message along to Cousin Eddie. With that, Caw Caw Carl and I were off. I wondered briefly, as we exited the garden gate, why Madeleine wasn't shrieking at Cousin Eddie through the loudspeaker as she did with me, but the thought quickly fluttered away. I was sure I heard Edwin the Bee chuckling behind me when I told Him I loved Him. 

Carl and I had spent hardly any steps at all before I became aware of his odd and seemingly random double-speak. He said he was quite quite unaware of what I was talking about about and reminded me that it's not "Carl Carl. Just Carl Carl." Okay then. Then Carl introduced me to his invisible and silent friend friend and guide, Gemini Cricket, and I pretended to shake hands with the unseen cricket upon Carl's back. 

Though we walked past the Record Emporium, I decided we would begin our job-hunting at the Library Tree, so we kept walking past it. We saw a few fat squirrels from Walnut St along the way, and I took the opportunity to warn Caw Caw Carl about the squirrels. He seemed to appreciate the warning. Then he told me how he attempted to deceive Madeleine--that he was just just a janitor with big big dreams--and how he was so so grateful that we were helping helping him despite his dishonesty. I reminded Carl that Madeleine was right--that deceit is very much looked down upon in the Xanadu Forest. And I added that we are friendly folk on the whole, and assured him that I trusted his heart. And that he would fit in well in our magical forest. By then, we had found ourselves at the Library Tree.

The main reason I decided we should begin job-hunting at the Library Tree was because the three dogs had grown quite fond of one another's company, and were often found conversing there together. My instinct was correct...for as we entered, dear Caesar Emeritus, Ptolemy the gentle Boxer, and T-Yay the record-retrieving Labrador were gathered around Caesar's desk, chatting and sipping tea. They greeted Caw Caw Carl and I warmly. And I warned the three dogs immediately that it's not Carl Carl, just Carl. Though the Caw Caw part was properly meant to be doubled. Dear Caesar seemed most fascinated with Carl's seemingly random form of double-speak, but I could see that Ptolemy was appreciating the oddity of it as well. T-Yay simply replied, "Nice nice." So clever, T-Yay can be when he wants to be! Caw Caw Carl graciously accepted a warm cup of tea that dear Caesar had offered him, and I filled the three dogs in on the sun greeting's events that led us to the Library Tree.

After I suggested to Caesar Emeritus that Caw Caw Carl would make a fine assistant manager in the Library Tree, he heartily agreed, "It's a kind and excellent thought on your part, Kev. And indeed, I would be honored to have such a fine and lovely Steller's Jay as my assistant manager. Unfortunately, I have already offered that very position to Ptolemy the gentle Boxer, and he graciously accepted. I'm sorry."

No worries. We had only begun the job hunting. Thinking myself very clever, I turned to Ptolemy and said enthusiastically, "You know what every good assistant manager needs, dear Ptolemy? An assistant to the assistant manager. Am I right?" I raised my arms into the air a bit for emphasis. 

"Right you are!" Ptolemy exclaimed. Then he continued, "It's a brilliant idea, Mr. Kev! But I have already asked T-Yay to be my assistant to the assistant manager, and he kindly accepted." 

Caw Caw Carl looked up at me, and I wasn't going to let him down. Hmm. Then I turned to T-Yay and suggested that Caw Caw Carl would be a fine assistant manager for the Record Emporium. "He is a fast learner," I added.

T-Yay agreed that Caw Caw Carl seemed like a sharp bird. Then T-Yay refilled his cup of tea and replied to me, "But, sorry, Kev. I've already hired Ptolemy as my assistant manager, and Caesar Emeritus decided he would enjoy being Ptolemy's assistant to the assistant manager of the Record Emporium. Again, I'm sorry, Kev, but it's nice nice, you know."

I could see Caw Caw Carl was really becoming concerned now, and was starting to feel awkward and unwanted. I stroked his beak comfortingly and assured him it was going to be fine fine. In a last ditch effort (somewhat of a plea), I turned to Ptolemy and suggested to him that surely he could use help making and serving his now almost famous Ptolemy-ce Cream. 

Yes, of course--just as the other dogs--Ptolemy offered both a compliment and an apology, "I've no doubt Caw Caw Carl would make a fine assistant or even assistant to the assistant manager, but as you might have guessed, T-Yay has already signed on as my assistant manager...and Caesar Emeritus agreed to be T-Yay's assistant to the assistant manager. I'm truly sorry, both of you. Don't despair. We've got some good minds in this room, we'll figure something out." Then Ptolemy the gentle Boxer stroked the feathers upon Caw Caw Carl's head reassuringly and refilled the Steller Jay's cup of tea.

I must admit I was feeling a bit defeated by that point, and I could feel that Caw Caw Carl was feeling defeated too...and unwanted. I pulled the Stellers Jay up onto my lap upon the Love Seat where I was now seated. I stroked his soft and lovely feathers and searched my mind for ideas. There really were no other places in the forest for Caw Caw Carl to work. Olga the bartender fairy only ever hired other fairies to work at the Sacred Pub, and the Otterman Empire Services was made up only of otters who were blood relatives. There was no way I could let Carl work for the sleazy fat squirrels of Walnut St--that would destroy and corrupt him for sure. 

But I must give credit where credit is due: it was my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine (via the GARCOM speaker above dear Caesar's desk), that saved the sun greeting. "Umm, Kev, if you don't mind me interrupting, I felt I should remind you that you are the assistant manager of the County Clerk's office still. And unless I'm mistaken, you don't already have an assistant to the assistant manager. If you get my drift?"

Caw Caw Carl and I got the drift immediately, and we nearly jumped for joy! For once, I didn't mind Madeleine dropping eaves on our conversation, and our lack of privacy seemed much less intrusive that moment. In the blink of an eye eye, the Stellers Jay and I bid fond farewell to the three dogs and rush rushed off to the County Clerk's office office. It seemed to take less steps than usual to arrive there, and Carl was truly overjoyed as I introduced him to his new forever home. It was perfect, actually! I was able to set up a computer terminal for him upon the desk, and connect him with the garden servers so that Madeleine could help him with gatekeeper lessons electronically. Caw Caw Carl literally laughed out loud when he saw that the garden server was named DoctorPenisOstrich. I assured the happy Stellers Jay it was a long story, and that I'd save it for another sun or moon greeting. Caw Carl particularly seemed to enjoy the costume closet and makeup and lip gloss file cabinet when I completed the tour of the County Clerk's office. 

As I bid Carl farewell, he shook my hand and thanked me again in his odd and random double-speak. And he informed that Gemini Cricket also wanted to thank thank us from the bottom of his little heart heart. I pretended to shake shake invisible Gemini's hand above Carl's back, and I blew them a kiss kiss, and vanished into the forest feeling more than satisfied. Everything was nice nice.

And that is how Caw Caw Carl the Stellers Jay (and his friend friend and guide, Gemini Cricket) came to be gatekeeper intern and assistant to the assistant manager of the County Clerk's office. Our magical Xanadu Forest will love love them for sure.

Gratitude.
Love.
Happiness.
Thank you for taking this journey with me, lovely of lovelies. 
I love you.
Kev
​XX







​





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Chapter 23: A Melodic Map and a Three Dog Night

5/1/2017

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It wasn't so much that Cousin Eddie and I had worked hard is it was we worked efficiently in completing the installation of Madeleine's surveillance cameras throughout the garden...despite the intermingling of shenanigans and canned beer. We were pleased with the resolve and commitment we had shown to a task that, frankly, we began halfheartedly. At least I was, and did. We decided to name the completed project GARCOM (garden communications), and allowed ourselves one more toast before parting ways for the approaching moon greeting. Cousin Eddie zipped off in his remote control patrol jeep to do whatever it is Cousin Eddies do when no one is watching them, and for my part I decided I would welcome in the moon greeting with my sister, The River, and made my way peacefully to her bank. I watched my cousin, the sun, fluff his pillow and fall gently into a sweet slumber beneath the horizon. I wished him wonderful dreams, and blew him a silent kiss. Then I sat down next to my sister, the River, and greeted her, hypnotized by the flow of her sparkling gown, as I waited for my other cousin the moon to rise higher. May it always be remembered that the reflection of the moon and stars upon Zoe's gown are the most beautiful accessories a gown has ever been adorned with. It was a refreshing moment of peace in the midst of so much turmoil that had dominated my sacred garden of late. My sister said nothing, of course--for she only speaks to me in my sleep--but I could feel her warmth and knew she enjoyed me resting by her side. I enjoyed it too. It felt right. It felt eternal.

Once my lovely cousin the moon shone brilliantly upon Zoe's gown, I welcomed it graciously, and blew it a kiss. Yes, gratitude began to dominate my thoughts once again, and I was grateful for that. I was indeed a lucky dude. I began to remove my boots so I could dip my toes into my sister's warm, timeless flow, and suddenly I heard Madeleine's voice blaring from an overhead loudspeaker I could neither see, nor even knew existed, "Kev, please report to the garden gate. Guest waiting. Kev, please report to the garden gate. Guest waiting!" My heart's first response was to wonder whether it felt more like I was in a department store, or in a woodsy penitentiary. Either way, my peaceful moment had been shattered, and I sighed and began marching toward the garden gate at a furious pace. Yes, this I must resist! Boss and beautiful gatekeeper she may be, but now she had interrupted peaceful communion with my sister, and I was going to let her have it! I decided halfway to the garden gate that it felt more like a woodsy penitentiary. 

As Madeleine, seated upon Achilles' Last Stand, of course, came into view, I filled my lungs with as much air as they could hold with the intention of releasing it all in the form of many loud and unpleasant words. But before the words formed, an old friend came into view next to the garden gate, and my words, though loud, became pleasant ones, "Holy crap! T-Yay!" I ran straight at him and fell into his kind embrace. "I thought you were never coming back!" my breath finally concluded. T-Yay nonchalantly explained he had been recruited to manage the opening of a new record shop in Lustra (Land of the fairies), and that it took much longer than he anticipated to get them set up. But he was glad to be back now. [T-Yay, for new readers, is a black Labrador retriever who wears a brown leather cabbie hat, and has a matching brown leather record satchel always slung over his shoulder. And Skittles. T-Yay always has Skittles with him. T-Yay is the greatest record hunter in all of Interterrestria, and proprietor of the Record Emporium that lies just north of my sacred garden. And he is a good friend] I placed my hand upon T-Yay's shoulder and guided him toward Madeleine's desk with the intention of introducing the two of them.

My introduction never happened, however, because my beautiful gatekeeper (who I suddenly remembered I was angry with and still needed to rebuke) interrupted by saying, "You don't need to introduce us, Kev. I'm the one that paged you, remember? Besides, handsome T-Yay and I spoke at length while he waited so patiently for you to arrive at the gate. We had a lovely discussion about U2's discography, and he even told me that we have almost all of their records here in the Record Emporium...you know, that place where you and my uncle hid your makeup and costumes from me?" I glared subtly and Madeleine, and held in any words I might have had for her just that moment. If our wonderful guest T-Yay had noticed the awkward tension, he didn't let on. 

By then, Cousin Eddie had strolled into our conversation and began telling of the time his old band opened for U2. From when Bono was just a boy. His story surprised both T-Yay and Madeleine, but not me. I hadn't heard this specific story from Cousin Eddie before, but I had heard many like it from my garden soulmate, and there wasn't a doubt in my mind of its truth and accuracy. You see, Cousin Eddie's full name is Eddie Van Raven, and he was once a brilliant guitarist in a touring rock band he formed with his brother Alex, and two of their friends, David Lee Thoth and Mike the Chimpanzee. How Cousin Eddie abandoned the rock star life and came to dwell permanently in my sacred garden as my eventual soulmate is a story that may be worth telling in another chapter sometime, no? *note to self*

I was beginning to feel like an outsider as the three of them bantered on pleasantly and I looked on. But Cousin Eddie, ever my soulmate, read my heart perfectly and removed two cans of beer from  his remote control jeep, and tossed one to me. And he winked and nodded to me knowingly, while cracking open his beer and holding it up as if to toast. I followed suit, of course, and particularly enjoyed chugging down that particular can of beer. I was waiting for my beautiful gatekeeper to say something snide so I had an excuse to unleash my inner repressed resistance upon her, but she was far too clever to take the bait. If she noticed my eyes burning laser images into the back of her head, she didn't let on. She would probably see it on one of her surveillance cameras anyway, I imagined, and the rebellious part of me hoped she would! Cousin Eddie and I crinkled up our empty beer cans and tossed them into the the little cart behind the remote control patrol jeep in unison as if we had rehearsed it. The small and silent victories, you know! 

I decided then that I wanted some alone time with T-Yay, and thought of an excellent excuse. I politely asked T-Yay to wait there for a moment while I retrieved something from the Persian rug, and told him that after I returned, we were going on a walk through the forest so that he could meet a couple more new friends. Madeleine reminded me that we had already broken the "no-guests-in-my-sacred-garden rule" that was still in effect, and I glared visibly at her and dashed off into the brush. In my beautiful gatekeeper's defense, I can't pin that one on her: the no guests rule was my own, not hers. She was only reminding me, which was actually a good thing for her to do. I returned shortly thereafter, completed homework packet from Caesar Emeritus in hand, and I wasted no time placing my hand upon T-Yay's shoulder once again and guiding him toward the garden gate. 

Cousin Eddie stopped T-Yay and I just before we exited the garden, and insisted on stuffing a few slices of pumpernickel into T-Yay's record satchel, thinking it might come in handy later on since pumpernickel was still officially the current currency of the Xanadu Forest. T-Yay and I thanked Cousin Eddie, and I said "I love you" to Edwin the Bee and blew Him a kiss as we exited my sacred garden. Edwin groaned and sighed.

Shortly thereafter, as T-Yay and I were passing the Record Emporium, I told him about Ptolemy the gentle Boxer who was living there now, and was the purveyor of the ever more popular Ptolemy-Ce Cream, and I assured T-Yay all the record albums were still properly in their places upon the racks--except for the ones Cousin Eddie and I had taken to the Persian rug--and that he and Ptolemy would make excellent roommates. T-Yay nodded pleasantly, as if it say "Nice." It was a much longer walk to the Library Tree near the center of our Xanadu Forest, which was perfect since I had so much information to update T-Yay with. As I shared with him just how much had been turned upside down and inside out both inside my sacred garden and the forest as a whole, it was fascinating to see how calm he remained. He mostly just kept saying, "Nice," and one time he even said, "Nice, nice." It was a bit of an epiphany for me to see how it was possible for someone to remain so unfazed with all these changes that had so easily overwhelmed me when I learned of them. I suddenly realized that I stood to learn a thing or two from T-Yay, the record hunter. 

When we finally reached and entered the Library Tree, dear Caesar Emeritus the Baloo-eyed Akita AND Ptolemy the gentle Boxer were genuinely happy to see us, and welcomed T-Yay most warmly. They were having tea and discussing the pleasant pleasantries of Lemmington, it seemed, until T-Yay and I arrived. Their introduction was short and to the point, as is common among canine, folk (And no--for any readers that may wonder--We Xanaduvian residents are more refined-in many respects-than your earthly counterparts, and not a single butt was sniffed!)

I hopped onto the Love Seat near the center of the Library Tree, sat cross-legged, and patted my hand in the hopes my canine friends would join me. They happily did. I handed dear Caesar my completed homework packet, and we all watched with anticipation as he skimmed through it. "Hmm," he finally said, and continued, "Ahh. Yes! Of course. Excellent work, Kev. I knew you could shed some light on this." 

The three dogs must have anticipated my upcoming monologue, for they all nuzzled close to me and gave me their undivided attention. 

"You see, I began, it IS a treasure map, as dear Caesar wisely surmised, but it is  also a song. That part he couldn't have known, of course, though T-Yay here will know it well, of course! It is a song by Donovan, who has been known to wander Interterrestria from time to time, though I've never met him myself, and he's never been to my sacred garden. The song is called 'Skip-Along Sam."

At that, T-Yay pricked up his ears and proudly exclaimed that we have that very song on multiple records inside the Record Emporium. He didn't know it was a treasure map, however, and, truth be told, I didn't know either until completing the homework packet dear Caesar Emeritus had given me. Ptolemy added that he too knew the song well, but was unaware it was inside the very place he was living! At that point Ptolemy and T-Yay began discussing what great roommates they will be, and even how the combination of Ptolemy-Ce Cream and record albums is sure to be a tremendous draw for residents throughout Interterrestria...and perhaps beyond! It's well known that canines often have short attention spans, but gratefully dear Caesar Emeritus was an exception, and he politely reminded T-Yay and Ptolemy that they were digressing. I was glad dear Caesar did so, for I couldn't find it in my heart to interrupt them, but also felt we were quickly losing our place in the story. I could feel dear Caesar bursting to hear more, just as I was bursting to tell more. So the three dogs re-nuzzled next to me, and I continued:

"I'm familiar with every single place Donovan references in his song map, though he mistranslated some of it. His inaccurate translation is what was causing dear Caesar confusion, in fact. You see, dear Caesar believed he was translating an original Xanaduvian Dead Tree scroll, but he was actually translating Donovan's song--a MIS-translation of the Xanaduvian Dead Tree scrolls. This is clear by Donovan's mention of Honeycomb Hill. Honeycomb Hill should properly be translated as 'Dew Mound', atop which, rests the cottage of King Midas LeBottom, the dragon slayer. And before dear Caesar begins thinking I'm making leaps and bounds in my studies of the ancient Xanaduvian tongue (I'm still just a babe, in this respect--and perhaps others), I must admit that I was only able to decipher this because I have been to Dew Mound, and King Midas LeBottom is a friend of my sacred garden. That much information alone was enough for me to determine two things: 1.Donovan has met with King Midas LeBottom at some point, and 2.King Midas LeBottom intentionally misguided Donovan so that the sacred diamond in Donovan's treasure map song would never be found. I'm very grateful for that, in fact, since had the good King not misdirected him, Donovan would likely have found and stolen the sacred diamond. You see, that diamond is very special to me. It was buried in a secret place by Andrew...yes, OUR beloved Andrew of Olympus. And I know exactly where it is, but I would never speak of it. Let's just say Donovan was never anywhere near it, and never will be. Perhaps someday we should go to Dew Mound and thank King Midas LeBottom in person?"

My question to the three dogs was meant to be a test to see if they were still awake, for their heads were now resting silently down upon their paws, and only gentle breaths could be heard from them. Somewhat to my surprise, all three canines quickly replied that yes indeed we must make the journey there sometime--almost in harmony. I considered silently that I might be getting better at telling my stories. Then dear Caesar Emeritus interrupted my brief and egocentric thought and asked me about the secret door mentioned in Donovan's song. 

"Yes, I know the secret door, and it doesn't go to the earth's deep core, as Donovan mis-translated, but it does go to a deep, dark place beneath Mt. Nol. And no, I would never take any of you there...and I would never again go there even myself, unless there were no other choice."

That moment, I became aware of just how many stories there were to tell them, and I suggested I tell them more as we properly celebrated T-Yay's happy return by finishing the moon greeting at the Sacred Pub over some Minute Meads. The three dogs apparently agreed, since--just as I was finishing my sentence--they jumped up and off of the Love Seat, and their tails wagged in rapid succession. I too jumped up and off of the Love Seat...and stuck the landing! Then, before we left the Library Tree, I suggested we stop by my sacred garden briefly to invite Cousin Eddie along, as I knew my soulmate would want to be part of this festive occasion.

From just above dear Caesar Emeritus' desk I heard the blaring voice of my beautiful gatekeeper again, "You guys can just go there. I'll let Cousin Eddie know. I'm sure he'll be happy to meet you there." 

Madeleine was not upon dear Caesar's desk of course, but it was another intrusive intercom. My face turned marquee red as I stomped over to the speaker and shouted, "Madeleine! Have we no privacy in our forest any more at all?!!!" Dear Caesar rushed up behind me, apologizing quietly that he had neglected to tell me about the recently installed intercom.

Madeleine replied, "I'm sorry, Kev. I thought it would be efficient and convenient for you. If you want privacy, you need only turn the switch to 'Off.'"

I drew closer to the intercom speaker above dear Caesar's desk, and examined it more closely. Ptolemy and T-Yay examined it along with me and confirmed there were no buttons or switches upon it at all. My voiced still raised, and face still marquee red, I replied, "Um, there's no off switch or buttons of any kind here, Madeleine!"

I was sure I heard a soft Albino Pearhen chuckle right before Madeleine responded, "Of course not, silly. The switch is here at Achilles' Last Stand. Would you like me to switch it off now, Kev?"

I wanted to say so much more, of course, but I made do with a loud "Yes, please, and thank you! 10-4! KeV out!" Then I whispered to the three dogs that apparently we'd have to whisper our conversations from here on out.

"I heard that!" Madeleine blurted out through the GARCOM. Before I could shout back at her again, she spoke, "Just kidding, Kev. I didn't hear anything, I just know you well enough to know you were going to whisper some sort of snide remark to your friends. You boys have a lovely moon greeting at the Sacred Pub. And Cousin Eddie is already on his way. 10-4! Beautiful gatekeeper out!"

And, truth be told, we DID have a lovely moon greeting at the Sacred Pub. Myself, three dogs, and my soulmate, Cousin Eddie. Gratitude. Yes, sweet gratitude.

Thank you, all of you.
I love you, all of you.
Lovely of lovelies!
KeV
​XX 





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    KeV Atomic was Xanadu Dead and is now both of them. 

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