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Chapter 28b: Grooshy McPaggleton & The Trouble With Bears Part II

7/13/2017

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After many pleasant steps, Yana and I made it into what I call the Heart of the Xanadu Forest--as my Sacred Garden, the County Clerk's office, the Record Emporium, and the Library Tree all fall within a generally small general radius near the center of our blessed forest. Yana and I stopped by my Sacred Garden gate just briefly to drop off the two bags of kettle-corn I had purchased while we were still permitted in the Lemmington Town Square. I introduced Yana--again, briefly--to Madeleine, Cousin Eddie, and Edwin the Bee. All greetings were most pleasant, of course, but none of us said more than a few words. I had already told Yana about my Sacred Garden family during our walk home from Lemmington. My beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine made sure I made time to sign off on the Garden Activity Logs before Yana and I could leave, of course. And I told Edwin that I loved Him, of course, as Yana and I exited. He only grumbled, but smiled and winked at Yana for some reason.

En route to the Record Emporium, we stumbled (almost literally) into dear Caesar Emeritus, who explained to me he was off to collect some more ancient Xanaduvian Dead Tree Scrolls. Dear Caesar seemed very excited about translation progress he'd been making since our return from Dew Mound near the center of Flatlandia. And he reminded me, of course, that I was not going to make much progress in learning our ancient language so long as Caw-Caw Carl was doing my homework assignments for me. "I know, I know, dear Caesar. Of course you are right," I replied, and I was about to finally introduce him and Yana, but then something I thought strange happened:

Yana seemed to be introducing herself to dear Caesar, but she spoke in words I didn't understand. Caesar smiled and embraced her and replied to her--also in words I didn't understand. Yana and dear Caesar continued conversing in this foreign language until I finally broke in to ask them if they already knew each other, and to explain that I couldn't understand this language they were speaking.

Yana smiled at me, wrapped her arm around mine once again, and pulled me closer to her as she chuckled, "Aww, silly Sweetcheeks Kev...of course we don't know each other! That's Latin, darlin'!"

I replied, "We don't want any trouble here--not in ANY language."

Both Yana and dear Caesar let out a hearty laugh after that, then Caesar explained to me, "No trouble at all, Mr. Kev. We were only discussing the beauty of our beloved Xanadu Forest, and how much both of us enjoy being here. She speaks very highly of you, by the way. As did I in return, of course." Then Yana winked at me, dear Caesar hugged us both, and the Baloo-eyed Akita was off into the thickness of our Xanadu Forest. Yana and I found ourselves at the Record Emporium not so many steps after that, though she had the chance to comment how much she enjoyed meeting dear Caesar Emeritus. And just how wise he was. I concurred, of course.

T-Yay the nice nice Black Labrador retriever and Ptolemy the gentle Boxer were quite busy cross-training one another inside the Record Emporium when Yana and I walked in on them. "It looks as though you're both doing a fine job being each other's assistants!" I said, a bit louder than I needed to. 

Before I could properly introduce Yana, T-Yay had already set down a stack of record albums he was filing, apporoached Yana, and told her, "Hey! Nice nice G n' R shirt! Illusion tour, no? Official merch? Nice nice!" Then he extended his paw to her, but Yana wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in for a warm embrace. 

"Yes, super Fab Lab, you!" Yana exclaimed. Then she turned to me and said, "I dig this dude! And he's a handsome one at that!"

I responded, "Yes, Yana, T-Yay here is the best record album hunter our lands have ever known. He can smell quality vinyl from many miles away." Then I pointed toward Ptolemy who was shuffling through the stack of record albums T-Yay had just set down, and I told Yana, "And this is Ptolemy the gentle Boxer...maker of the best ice cream in all of Interterrestria. Ptolemyce Cream we call it." Ptolemy finally set down the record albums and went to embrace Yana. He welcomed her most pleasantly, of course. I went on to explain to the two mutually assistant managers that Yana was Vanya's niece, and that she was very much enjoying her time visiting our beloved Xanadu Forest.

Just then, Ptolemy turned his head away and pointed over toward the corner and asked me, "Umm, Mr. Kev, what exactly is Yana doing?" All three of our heads swung in that direction at once, and I of course wondered the same.

I approached Yana, who had ripped the intercom off the wall and was now twisting together some wires. "Umm, what are you doing, Yana?" I asked, careful to not shout at her, remembering the agreement we had made with each other many steps earlier.

"Oh, I'm re-wiring this intercom, Sweetcheeks Kev," she replied, and continued, "I don't like people listening in on my conversations without my permission. Not even your beautiful gatekeeper. It runs in the family, you know." Seemingly satisfied with her work, Yana tucked the wires back into the back of the intercom box and snapped it back up onto the wall. "There. Now we can talk freely." And she slapped some drywall dust off her paws to properly signify a job that was well done. 

T-Yay and Ptolemy only shrugged their shoulders at me when I looked at them, none of us apparently knowing what I should say. I shut my eyes, inhaled deeply (but gently) then exhaled slowly, measuredly, and simply said, "Fair enough, Yana. Thank you."

"Don't worry, Sweetcheeks," Yana said playfully, and continued, "I can put it back the way it was once we're done here. In the meantime, I've fixed it so we can listen to Madeleine but she can't hear us!" And Yana giggled. Then she turned a knob on the front of the intercom and asked us all to listen. T-Yay and Ptolemy rushed over and gathered by our sides. We all heard an odd sort of crunching sound, and took turns speculating what the mysterious sound might be. Then we heard the sound of an Albino Peacock (Peahen) humming what seemed to be a U2 song...but the lyrics had been changed:

          "Through the lunch we reach the kale,
            You grew it all but I want more,
            And I'm crunching on you.

           With or without you,
           With or without you,
            I can't live,
           With or without you"


We all snickered mightily after that, and T-Yay and Yana were nearly doubled over with humor. Then T-Yay finally chimed in with, "That's so awesome and nice nice, Yana! You HAVE to teach me how to do this." 

Yana replied, "Sorry, Fab Lab, it's an anti-establishment secret. Comes in particularly handy at universities...at least when I'm the one teaching the class." T-Yay laughed again and tossed Yana another nonchalant "Nice nice." Ptolemy silently disappeared into the back room

It was clear that Yana and T-Yay were bonding quickly, and I wasn't sure this was a good thing just yet. Plus what Yana said truly surprised me. So I interrupted and asked her, "Wait! Yana, you're a teacher?!!"

"A professor, to be specific, Sweetcheeks Kev. A PhD in communication, to be more specific," she replied.

I re-replied, "Oh wow! And I was thinking you were a student! I really might be as stupid as you were thinking I was." Then the three of us chuckled.

"I never really thought you were stupid, Sweetcheeks, I'm just super careful about who I let my guard down with is all. I sort of test people before I open up to them, you know. I know that's not nice, and not always fair, but it's how I survive. For the record, you passed my tests with flying colors, Kev. You are nice. Too nice, even, sometimes." 

Just then, Ptolemy the gentle Boxer returned with four bowls of his now mostly famous Ptolemyce Cream and said to all of us, "This seems like such a happy occasion, and a happy occasion requires the very best Ptolemyce Cream, you know!" Then Ptolemy handed off the bowls to each of us and added, "Butter pecan, made from dandelion milk. Fresh from the churn!" Then he held his bowl high in the air as he could reach, and exclaimed, "Cheers!" We all tapped each other's wooden bowls and enjoyed.

Then T-Yay said, "You know what else a nice nice occasion like this needs?  A soundtrack!" He set down his bowl and played a record for us all at just the proper volume. It was The Clash's "London Calling." A happy occasion instantly became a magical occasion. T-Yay was so right!

"Oh yay, it's Joey!" Yana exclaimed, and added, "So very nice nice, T-Yay!" And she turned to Ptolemy and said, "And this Ptolemyce Cream is amazing! Truly the best trreat I've ever had." Ptolemy bowed and thanked her for the kind compliment. Then Yana said to all of us--and to no one at all--"Such a happy and magical occasion indeed! I'm so going to love it here in our blessed Xanadu Forest."

"Joey?" T-Yay and I asked Yana in unison. 

"Yes, little Joey Strummer, you sillies!" Yana replied. "He used to be one of my students, you know." Then she looked all of us in the eyes to make sure she had our undivided attention (save eating Ptolemyce Cream) and continued, "Axl Rose was once of my students too. And Eric Clapton. And many many more names you might know well. But it's a long, long story. Many stories, actually."

Ptolemy the gentle Boxer gestured for all of us to sit down on the floor, and so we all did. I didn't say it out loud, but our seated formation made me think of a Dogwood flower. I also wondered secretly if any of the others thought of this. I never found out. My thoughts were disrupted when Ptolemy spoke, "It's one of the beautiful ironies of our beautiful Xanadu Forest...that since we neither keep nor even believe in time, we actually have all the time there ever was--and even more still." 

We all smiled. And T-Yay the Fab Lab played us many more records. And Yana, the precious black bear Mafia niece, shared with us so many wondrous tales of her past students. Not all were musicians, though many of them were. And not all were famous, but most of them were, it seemed. It became clear through the course of the moon-greeting that Yana had a particular fondness for drummers. But none of us spoke aloud of that, of course. As Yana had wisely stated earlier, this was indeed a most happy and magical occasion. One that I will forever be grateful for.

And though we don't observe or even believe in time here in my imaginary world, it was a most precious moment we all shared that I hope never to forget. 

Life is beautiful beautiful.
Thank you. All of you.
Gratitude of gratitudes.
Lovely of lovelies.
I love you.
​XX
















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Chapter 28a: Grooshy McPaggleton & The Trouble With Bears Part I

7/4/2017

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"Attention, Kev, please report to the garden gate. Guest waiting. Kev, garden gate, please, guest waiting!" 

I really despise the overhead intercom Madeleine had installed in my Sacred Garden, and I don't believe I'll ever completely adapt to being woken up in such a harsh and boisterous way. But I don't expect it to end anytime soon, either. *sigh* So I rubbed my eyes, stretched and shrugged my shoulders, and made my way to the garden gate. I could see Mitzy the Arctic Fox waiting patiently by the gate, and it was always nice to see him, but I couldn't resist responding flippantly to my beautiful gatekeeper as I passed by, "Oh, nice, Madeleine--looks like those shock collars you ordered have finally arrived!...or were they remote vital statistics monitors this time?" 

"Very funny, Mr. Kev," Madeleine replied equally flippant, and she added, "No, I'm saving those for Christmas." And she handed me the clipboard of garden activity logs to sign off on. "Actually, Mitzy the Arctic Fox says the  boss wants to see you. You're supposed to go with him to the ITT--whatever that is." 

I greeted Mitzy warmly, but we made very little small talk...just enough to confirm Madeleine's report was accurate. It was, of course. So I returned to Madeleine's desk (Achilles' Last Stand) and told her, "Unfortunately I can't tell you what the ITT is, other than it's a secret place no one can know about. On a super important note, I need you to remove any type of bugs or homing devices you have planted on me before I go."

"Oh, your fancy new Dragon's Egg told you about those, did  it?" she quipped.

"I'm serious, Madeleine, the boss would be extremely offended if I entered his space with any sort of tracking devices. And he would know they were there the moment I entered. And it's a Dragon's Eye, not an egg! And no, it didn't tell me anything, I just know you well enough by now. So if you don't mind, beautiful gatekeeper..."

Madeleine sighed and pulled me closer, "Fine. Whatever." And she removed one of the buttons from my jacket. "You and your silly little games. Turn around." And she spun me around and removed something from the back of my waist, though I have no idea what it was. 

I told Edwin the Bee that I loved him as I exited the garden gate and wandered off with Mitzy the Arctic Fox. Edwin just grumbled something unintelligible and went back to His meditation upon His lotus flower. On our way to the ITT (which stands for Interterrestrial Terrestria) Mitzy explained to me that Vanya's niece was there visiting, but that Vanya had to leave on important business and needed me to look after her while he was away. [Vanya, of course is the aforementioned "boss" and head of the Forest Mafia as we call it. Vanya is also the largest, and kindest bear you can imagine. The ITT is where he dwells, and he never shows himself in public, though he is known and feared throughout our dimension...and beyond. But he has always been a dear friend of my Sacred Garden and its inhabitants though I am the only one in the Xanadu Forest (except maybe Edwin) that has ever met with him in person. Mitzy is his right hand man.]

I knew of course it was a great honor for Vanya to request me for such a task, and despite any hesitancy at all I might have toward looking after his niece, I also knew well that one does not say "No" to Vanya under any circumstances. I expressed as much to Mitzy. Mitzy understood, and assured me I would do a most perfect job...that I was the perfect man for the job. As we entered the hallways of the ITT, I could hear a female voice (which I assumed was Vanya's niece) shouting at what I assumed was Vanya, "It's just stupid, uncle! I told you I don't need a babysitter!" 

What I had believed was confirmed when I heard Vanya's low voice reply most calmly, "My dear Yana, I know well you don't need a babysitter. But the rest of Interterrestria needs one so that it is protected from YOU while I am away. No one in the land is safe if you become bored." The dear niece seemed to agree with Vanya, since I heard no more argument from her. A few steps more and a quick left turn, and Mitzy and I were suddenly in the room with Vanya and his neice Yana. It would have been an awkward moment had not Vanya grabbed and squeezed 30 pounds off of me and lifted me off the ground. "Mr. Kev...it is so very great to see you!" (did I mention Vanya gives the greatest bear hugs ever?) The massive bear set me back down on the ground and told me kindly, "You should visit more often. You know you are welcome here anytime. No invitation needed." 

Yana was a most beautiful black bear, a bit shorter even than me, with a Guns N' Roses T-shirt and what I thought was a rather short plaid skirt. And she wore a studded collar around her throat. I was about to approach her and introduce myself, but she interrupted, "Well, well, dear Uncle Vanya, you didn't tell me the babysitter was so cute! This we can do!" And just like that the lovely black bear wrapped her arm around mine and said, "Come, cute babysitter, we've got lots of hell to raise!"

Vanya stopped us just before we were about to exit the room and said, "Just a moment, you two! Now, Kev, I know Mitzy has warned you what a handful she can be (unfortunately, Mitzy hadn't!) so I'm extra grateful you've agreed to keep an eye on her for me. I cannot stress enough, for the sake of all of Interterrestria, please do not take your eyes off her for even one second. And my dear Yana, remember, you promised...NO explosions or violence of any kind." 

Yana protested, "Uncle Vanya, I told you Grooshy McPaggleton makes stuff up. I wasn't the one that blew up the school! Why won't you just believe me?!" It was that moment that I became very aware of what I had just gotten myself into and was more nervous than I had been for many a sun-greeting.

​Uncle Vanya hugged us both at once and gave us each a kiss upon the cheek. "You kids have fun. And please, please stay out of trouble." And Yana the beautiful black bear and I left the ITT and began our adventures together. 

"So where are we off to, Sweetcheeks?" Yana asked me as we stepped out into the Xanadu Forest.

"Well," I replied, "I thought maybe we could stop by the Library Tree and you could meet dear Caesar Emeritus, the Baloo-eyed Akita. And maybe you should just call me Kev?"

"Absolutely not, Sweetcheeks Kev! I need a very long break from books. Try again," Yana re-replied.

And I re-re-replied with, "I've got it! Let's go to Prince Rodrick's Fun Fun Zone!"

Yana said simply, "That doesn't sound like fun at all. Sounds like one of those places where you take kids, and you play stupid games and win tickets, and cash the tickets in for stupid prizes that are worth less than the paper the tickets are printed on."

"Well, yeah," I admitted. "It is that, to be honest. But they have go-karts too!"

"Just how old do you think I am, Kev? You can't be THAT stupid, right?" Yana asked. Then she continued, "Don't answer. Please. And fine, we can go there. I will humor you...but only because you're cute.......Sweetcheeks." 

And there at Prince Rodrick's Fun Fun Zone was where I made my first critical mistake. You see, Prince Rodrick was quite happy to see me, and I was happy to see him. I hadn't been to the Fun Fun Zone since Twillerbee and I took our children there during the glory days of my Sacred Garden. So, as you might imagine, Prince Rodrick and I (he's an Arctic Roadrunner by the way) had much to catch up on. But by the time we had updated one another and I got around to purchasing some game tokens, Yana had already hot-wired one of the go-karts, ran two Lemmings, three Otters, and a Bird of Paradise off of the course and into the bails of hay. And as a bonus, she took out two vending machines and a storage shed too! Prince Rodrick was not happy! I made good with him, though, by handing him handfuls of pumpernickel (a small fortune in the Xanadu Forest) and finally coaxing Yana out of the go-kart. I passed out the game tokens I had just purchased to all the victims of Yana's go-kart disaster that I could find (some were already inside yelling at poor Prince Rodrick). Entertaining Yana was going to be quite a challenge indeed! 

I asked Yana without any intention of joking at all if she planned to cause so much trouble at every  place I took her. She told me she only ever had good intentions, though she admitted that her anti-establishment streak sometimes gets the best of her.

Since Prince Rodrick's Fun Fun Zone wasn't too far from the Lemmington border, I decided to take her to the Lemmington Town Square for some fabulous shopping. And I managed to convince her...but "only because I was cute" she made sure I knew. 

Our time at the Lemmington Town Square was mostly pleasant, and we both picked out some wonderful accessories--both for ourselves and for each other. For me, she picked out a pair of lovely glittery lightning bolt earrings; and for her, I picked out a lovely plaid bow, and she let me clip it above her ear for her. It matched her skirt perfectly, we both agreed. And I purchased two large bags of kettle corn to bring to my Sacred Garden when we returned. But then I made another critical mistake!--I spoke too long with the Lemming I was purchasing the kettle corn from (I have often purchased kettle corn from him), and Yana the beautiful black bear found an opportunity to blow up a fireworks stand. I'm still not really sure how we escaped in all the commotion or how she even did this, but I can tell you a mob of angry Lemmings chasing you isn't nearly as humorous as you might be inclined to imagine. They can be very nasty when properly triggered! But escape we did, and disappeared into the trees of the Xanadu Forest. I was not letting go of her cursed paw until we were safely over the border, our of their jurisdiction.

I don't normally speak like this--especially when I'm babysitting--but out of sheer frustration I let go of her paw finally and pushed it away from me, shouting, "What the hell is wrong with you?! Don't you know these people know me?! And they used to like me and trust me not to destroy their Town Square!"

I was truly shocked to see a genuine look of remorse upon her face. I could feel that she was about to cry, and that she was sincere. She fell down on to the ground and put her paws over her face, choking up a bit as she said, "Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I don't know what happened. I really was just trying to have fun. I wanted to test things before I bought them. I'm sorry my uncle put you in this place...you're too nice for this."

I knew there was a great risk that I was being played, but I also knew my heart was too tender to take the chance. So I sat down next to her and put my arm lovingly (but innocently) over her shoulder, and said softly, "Look, Yana, there's a lot I don't know about you. But I know what a wonderful spirit your uncle is, and I can only imagine that, since you are part of his family, that you also have a huge and beautiful heart as well. I don't even know why you came here to Interterrestria...Mitzy only told me you had come to spend time with your uncle. But there's more to it than that, isn't it? My heart feels that. You were sent here, weren't you?"

Yana sniffled a bit and wiped a tear from her cheek. "Thank you, Kev. You're very nice. Too nice. But thank you." I adjusted the plaid bow above her ear in a nurturing sort of way as she continued, "And you are right...they sent me here--the administration, I mean. They think I blew up the school. But I didn't, I swear I didn't. It wasn't me. I'm anit-establishment, not evil and heartless! Grooshy McPaggleton, the dean of the university believed I did it, and she convinced everyone else that I did it too. But no one listens to me or believes me, so what's the point? They sent me to my uncle thinking he could 'rehabilitate' me. How great is that?! I'm so bad that only the Mafia can fix me? I mean what the hell, right?! That's how well they all think of me."
 
I grabbed Yana's paw tenderly, and pulled us both up to our feet as I told her, "I believe you, Yana. I really do. And I believe IN you. And I'd like you to know that I've spent lots of my own life dealing with people that don't believe in me. It sucks, but it is what it is. They're not worth the time and energy. I feel maybe Fate had a hand in this, that maybe you were meant to be here with us. We're nothing like them here in Interterrestria. We're far from perfect here, and some of us are more than a little off our rockers, but we never lack love. And we never judge." 

Yana wiped one final tear off her cheek, and said softy, "That sounds so nice. Thank you, Kev. You really are too nice. I'm so sorry I cause so much trouble. I swear, it just follows me around like a plague. And if you'll still hang out with me, I promise I'll try to be better, I really really promise. That I'll try, I mean. I can't promise bad things won't happen when I'm around. It's just always been that way, you know."

I smiled softly at her and replied, "I would  be honored to keep hanging out with you. And thank you for opening up to me so. And I promise to try and not yell at you anymore when bad things happen around you. But, like you, I can only promise to TRY. I'm not perfect either, you know." Yana seemed to appreciate that a lot. Then I added, "But I need to ask you about that poor Lemming that was tied to a tree and had a golf ball shoved into his mouth: that was you, wasn't it?"

"Yes, that was me," Yana admitted boldly, "I caught him trying to look up my skirt. Stupid little perv! But at least I didn't kill him, right? You shouldn't let those Lemmings fool you so easily, Kev...they may look cute and innocent, but they can be some shady critters!"

We both had a good laugh after that, and Yana wrapped her arm around mine once again, and we made our way slowly toward the heart of our beloved Xanadu Forest. And I eventually told her, "I know a perfect place for us to go next: the Record Emporium which is very close to my Sacred Garden. And there is also an ice cream parlor there...the finest ice cream in all of Interterrestria they say."

"That sounds perfect, Sweetcheeks Kev," Yana smiled, and added, "Ice cream and record albums. Yes, now this we can do!"

And so we journeyed pleasantly, and talked all along the way about life, love, and great music.

Life is beautiful.Thank you all that have stuck with me for so long. 
Lovely of lovelies.
I love you.
​XX







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Chapter 27: Magical Shenanigans & A Sacred Garden Garden Simulation

7/2/2017

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Dear Caesar Emeritus and I took deliberately slow and pleasurable strides during our journey back to our beloved Xanadu Forest from Dew Mound in Flatlandia. We both instinctively knew that our sun and moon greetings with the good King Midas LeBottom were meant to be especially cherished and treasured. And so we merrily treasured them most perfectly, taking no thought at all for anything that fell outside the wonderful experiences with good King Midas. We laughed a lot, and expressed a lot of gratitude, and dear Caesar was more playful and talkative during our journey home than I had ever noticed him being. And though the vast majority of our conversations were light and often silly, they weren't without merit and purpose.

​If you read the previous chapter, you will remember that the good King Midas LeBottom gave me a most wonderful and magical gift: a Dragon's Eye. Dear Caesar Emeritus and I experimented lots with this wonderful silvery orb along the way. The good King Midas shared only enough of the Dragon's Eye's secrets to get us started...the rest was left up to us to discover--by our own request. Remote viewing, invisibility, voice-changing and language translation were but a few of the fabulous silvery orb's powers we learned to implement during our peaceful and pleasant journey. For safety and security reasons, I'm not going to detail here how to use the Dragon's Eye, nor disclose all of its powers (though it's quite possible some of its other powers will be revealed in future chapters). 

After dear Caesar and I hugged and he returned to the Library Tree, we parted ways. He was quite anxious, of course,  to begin examining (and experimenting with?) the herbs in his satchel that we had collected while in Flatlandia. For my part, I was very much looking forward to pranking my beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine the Albino Peacock (Peahen) by way of my oh so magical Dragon's Eye. I was very smug as I reminded myself that all the technology and surveillance equipment Madeleine had brought our Xanadu Forest was no match for ancient magic. 

Unfortunately, I had neglected to consider that Edwin the Bee might blow my cover. And He did, of course! Though I had used the Dragon's Eye to make myself invisible long before I approached my garden gate, He greeted me as I entered (which He almost never does!) my Sacred Garden gate, and He reminded me that being smug doesn't suit His children. He reminded me out loud, of course, so that Madeleine's attention and suspicion were sufficiently drawn...much to my chagrin.

I quickly decided to use the Dragon's Eye to change my voice while still remaining invisible to my beautiful gatekeeper, determined to execute my plan, despite knowing well she was likely too clever to fall for my intended ruse. Undeterred, I approached Madeleine's desk (Achilles' Last Stand) and stood before her unseen, as I stated in a low and dark sounding voice, "I am the father of all the kale that you have ever consumed, and I have come to exact revenge for the destruction of my children."  

I could feel immediately that she wasn't falling for my prank, though I was surprised that she played along with me for a bit. "I see," Madeleine said calmly, and continued, "I offer no excuse, and am at your mercy, Mr. Father of all kale. I can only assure you that it was never my intention to cause harm to your lovely children. I only was ever hungry, and in need of their nourishment. Do with me what you will." 

Why I stood taller, puffed out my chest, and squared my shoulders I'm not sure, since it was clear that Madeleine couldn't see me. But I did so, and I tried to sound extra extra ominous when I replied, "You chose your comfort above the life of my children. That I can never forgive. But I am not so cruel as you are. I shall spare your life for now." 

I was about to command Madeleine that kale must never again be eaten in the Xanadu Forest--and especially shouldn't be fed to KeV (in the most evil Dragon's Eye voice I could muster) when Cousin Eddie zipped by in the remote control patrol jeep and shouted, "Hey, KeV! Nice to see you!" As I watched Cousin Eddie's little jeep disappear into the bushes, I uttered out loud (in my own voice) something I'll not repeat here. It was one of the rare occasions that I've used vulgar phrases in my Sacred Garden. Apparently, the invisibility of the Dragon's Eye doesn't work on Ravens. I made a mental note that Cousin Eddie and I would have to discuss this soon. 

Truth be told, all of us in my Sacred Garden (even Edwin the Bee) had a great laugh after that, though I was disappointed that my prank was much less than successful. I consoled myself by considering that Madeleine was still unaware of the other powers my Dragon's Eye held. It was certainly better than her technology. "Fake magic," I called it to myself silently. And fake magic would always pale in comparison to the real magic I held within my Dragon's Eye. I felt sure of that. And I made myself visible to her again as she handed me the Garden Gate Activity Logs clipboard and asked me to sign off on the several pages worth I had missed while dear Caesar and I were in Flatlandia. After our good laughs, and my genuine acceptance of the situation, I was calm enough to exchange pleasantries with my beautiful gatekeeper and tell her just how wonderful it was for dear Caesar and I to share so many magical experiences with King Midas LeBottom while at his cottage upon Dew Mound near the center of Flatlandia. And I told Edwin the Bee that I loved Him. And I thanked Him.

After that I decided to visit the county clerk's office and see how Caw Caw Carl was doing as my assistant to the assistant county clerk. Caw Caw Carl was doing quite well, as it turned out, and I was more than happy to see him perched upon the perfectly replicated garden gate Cousin Eddie had made for him out of beer cans. He led me inside the county clerk's office, and he was genuinely pleased to hear what wonderful experiences dear Caesar and I had with good King Midas at Dew Mound. I had no particular reason, but I decided not to tell him about the Dragon's Eye. 

What I saw upon Caw Caw Carl's desk, as I entered the office (which was formerly Madeleine's desk before she became my beautiful gatekeeper) truly surprised me: it appeared to be an elaborate and highly detailed diorama of my Sacred Garden--complete with properly scaled-down action figures of Edwin the Bee, Madeleine, Cousin Eddie, and myself. And yes, there was even a tiny Freddie the Frog upon a tiny dock looking over a scaled-down version of the Pond of Fanciness, complete with an accurately-scaled-down Island of Summer, which itself was complete with tiny tiny bushes and a chaise lounge that disguised what I HOPED was a non-functioning portal to a scaled-down Olympus. 

Caw Caw Carl must have felt my sense of wonder, for he hopped onto his desk and spoke proudly with enthusiasm, "It was all Gemini Cricket cricket's idea! We found found the blueprints of your Sacred sacred garden in one of the file cabinet cabinets, and the rest as they say say, is history...sort sort of. Gemini Cricket cricket suggested this would be a great great way of learning to perfect my abilities as a gatekeeper gatekeeper. Isn't it grand grand?!"

I agreed that it was indeed a grand, grand, idea, and confirmed with Caw Caw Carl that the hidden tiny tiny portal on the Island of Summer wasn't actually functional. He believe believed it wasn't. That was good good enough for me just then. And I told him twice just how fabulous the diorama was. And I was doubly impressed with the detail of the super super tiny lily pads in the scaled-down Pond of Fanciness. I wondered to myself silently if the super super tiny lily pads made Nintendo sounds as the real ones do. And then suddenly I became completely calm. Completely at peace. Completely ONE with our beloved and strangely beautiful beautiful Xanadu Forest. I stayed there in the county clerk's office with Caw Caw Carl until we finally greeted my cousin the moon that smiled directly above us.

Life is beautiful beautiful. Always.
I'm a lucky and grateful dude.
Thank you for always sticking with me.
I love you!
Lovely of lovelies.

​XX




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    KeV Atomic was Xanadu Dead and is now both of them. 

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