Blog Archives

Chapter 33: SORRY! Board Conquest, Glitter Blooms, and Beer Cans

8/30/2017

It's been nice milling about in my Sacred Garden so much more lately, bonding with both my soulmate, Cousin Eddie the Raven, and my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine the Albino Peacock (Peahen). And even bonding with myself, in some ways. I've been learning so much more about myself lately from others...I mean besides Edwin the Bee and dear Caesar Emeritus, who are always teaching me wonderful things. Specifically, I refer to my newly adoptive mother Bbaesh, the beautiful Lioness, and the good King Midas LeBottom. Ever since King Midas gave me the Dragon's Eye (several chapters ago), a wakening within myself has seemed to emerge. I've learned there's much more to my past than I ever truly realized, and that there is magic within me I never suspected. To be honest, I'm not completely comfortable with it...because I know well with more gifts comes more responsibility. It's not insecurity, mind you--I rarely lack the confidence to do what I need to do. It's just that I really enjoy being sort of a carefree simpleton. Which is to say, I'm truly in tune with being a playful and sometimes silly slacker. Perhaps I won't have to give too much of that up. I certainly wish that.

I started noticing that I was becoming more responsible and even somewhat productive in some ways...without making any conscious effort to do so. I had been signing off on Madeleine's Garden Gate Activity Logs regularly with no argument or displeasure at all. And I had been doing more and more of dear Caesar's Xanaduvian language homework packets myself, instead of having Caw Caw Carl, my assistant to the assistant County Clerk, do them for me. Learning more and more of the Xanaduvian language had made me more conscious of and fascinated with the rich history and culture our blessed lands hold within them. And, more and more, how I was very much a central figure in it all without ever imagining that. What a season it has been!

On a particular sun-greeting, I found myself at Madeleine's desk (Achilles' Last Stand we call it, for the benefit of new readers), pleasantly signing off on the Garden Gate Activity Logs. My beautiful gatekeeper didn't even have to message me on my modified Casio calculator watch, or ask me to do it! I just arrived near the garden gate and started doing it happily. I noticed there were quite a few fairies visiting the garden gate again lately, looking for updates on Andrew...or perhaps--Olympus willing--hoping to be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him somehow. I decided to ask Madeleine about the recent increase in fairy visitations.

"Happy, sun-greeting Kev. Yes! I'm glad you brought that up. I've been meaning to ask you to help me with that," my beautiful gatekeeper said.

I replied by asking Madeleine, "But I thought the online forum you had created for them had solved the problem?"

And Madeleine replied, "Yes. It has, mostly. But I've been running short on Andrew things to post there lately that they haven't already seen. Or heard. I swear, Kev, these fairies are nothing short of ravenous when it comes to Andrew! That secret song of his you gave me to post the other sun-greeting held them off for a while--they loved it. But now they want more. So do you have some other things I could start posting in the forum?"

"Sure," I answered gladly, "I have lots of stuff. All sorts of pics they've never seen of him. And his secret songs they've never heard. Maybe even some of his writings. I can go put some things together for you now if you like."

"Thank you so much, Kev, yes, that would be very helpful," Madeleine said in a most proper and gatekeeper-ly and way. Just as I was turning to walk back to the Persian rug and gather some Andrew material, however, a paper airplane came zipping across my Sacred Garden out of nowhere, struck Madeleine on the side of the head, and fell onto her keyboard. Madeleine picked it up and began to unfold it for examination. And she gestured for me to come sit down next to her upon Achilles' Last Stand. I chuckled as I approached her desk, knowing for sure it had to have come from Andrew.

"A gift from the child of Olympus himself, I imagine!" I exclaimed to Madeleine, as I sat down and stole a kale chip from a little bowl that was sitting on her desk next to the computer. It was indeed from Andrew! I looked around, but there was no sign of him anywhere in my Sacred Garden. Upon the inside of the paper airplane was an elaborate drawing of a "333" surrounded by stars and random designs...all drawn in purple ink. Beneath the drawing was a neatly-written message that read:

   "My dearest and most fabulous fairy lovelies,
Worry not! You shall find me soon at Fabupalooza in your glorious land of Lustra! Bring your glitter
   and dust, for the air will be thick with glamour and gentle grooves. And please, dear lovelies, let
   beautiful Madeleine do her work! Mwah!

Sincerely,
   Andrew of Olympus"

And beneath Andrew's elaborate signature were glittery purple, perfect lip-prints. My beautiful gatekeeper wasted no time in scanning the paper airplane and posting the image of it to her online forum. Then Madeleine laughed, and said, "This is wonderful, haha! The forum is exploding; they're eating it up, haha! I hope they don't crash the server! I have no idea what this Fabupalooza thing is, but obviously they love it.' Then Madeleine asked me, "Have you heard of Fabupalooza?"

I shrugged my shoulders, and shook my head gently, "No, I've never heard of it. Knowing Andrew as I do, it's hard to say. I mean some sort of concert, I'm sure, but other than that I've got no idea."

Madeleine was nonchalant--but visibly pleased--as she concluded, "Well whatever works, works. If they're happy and stop showing up at our garden gate in droves, then I am doubly happy." And I saw her type some replies to fairies that were replying to the paper airplane posting.

By then, my soulmate, Cousin Eddie, had strolled up to Achilles' Last Stand and tossed me a can of beer while he chugged one down himself. "Drink up, Kev, I need more cans. I want to get my remote control boat finished soon." [For new readers, Cousin Eddie builds all sorts of things out of empty beer cans]

I asked Cousin Eddie, "A remote control boat? What do you need that for? You already have a jeep and a helicopter."

Cousin Eddie cracked open another can of beer and replied, "Yeah, but I don't have a boat. Boats are cool, you know. You get to be a captain that way. Besides, we have the Pond of Fanciness that we hardly ever use anymore, so I thought it would be fun. But I ran out of empties. So drink up, Mr. Kev!" And he tossed me another can of beer.

I couldn't come up with a good way to argue Cousin Eddie's logic, so I simply moved on and told him about the paper airplane from Andrew and asked him if he knew what Fabupalooza was. He hadn't heard of it either, but suggested it sounded like some sort of fairy thing. Then he told me again that he needed a bunch more cans, and suggested we play a board game to pass the sun-greeting while we emptied them. Specifically, he suggested the game SORRY!: Board Conquest.

My beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine jumped into the conversation then with, "Oh! I've heard of SORRY! I even know how to play that one! I think. What's the board conquest thing about though?" she asked both Cousin Eddie and I.

Cousin Eddie explained, "Oh, cool, Madeleine! Yes, of course you can play too! If you know how to play SORRY! it's basically the same. Same cards, same board, same game pieces. You just have to get your game pieces to different homes is all. I'll go get the game," Cousin Eddie continued, you two meet me at the Persian rug and pick out some records to play."

Madeleine hopped off of Achilles' Last Stand enthusiastically and exclaimed, "Yes! Sweet! We'll meet you there. This will be fun! And I'll bring the kale chips...I just made a fresh batch of sour cream & onion." And Cousin Eddie zipped off into the brush in his remote control patrol jeep. I retrieved a bag of caramel corn from underneath Madeleine's desk, and her and I made our way slowly to my Persian rug.

As Madeleine I walked slowly and peacefully, I explained, "The main difference in Board Conquest is that you have to get your game pieces in each of the 4 colored homes on the board instead of just your own color. One game piece in each of the 4 colored homes. So it's like you're conquering all the other colors in the game. That's the conquest. But you start the same as regular SORRY!...with all 4 of your game pieces in your own colored start. All the same rules from regular SORRY! apply." I paused my explanation to be sure this made sense to Madeleine. Not that I doubted her intellect, of course, for my beautiful gatekeeper is quite brilliant and perceptive. And, in a practical sense, at the very least, she is much smarter than myself! She acknowledged that it all made sense to her so far, so I continued, "But there is a catch, of course. There can only ever be one game piece in a colored home. That's where the dice come in."

This intrigued my beautiful gatekeeper greatly. "Dice?" she asked.

"Yes," I continued, "Dice. See, once you've entered a colored safety zone and draw the right card that gets you into the home...if another player's game piece is already in there you have to invade them. As the invader, you roll two dice and add the number. But the defender that was already there gets to roll 3 dice and add the total. See, they have the strategic battle advantage because they've already occupied it. The higher number occupies the colored home of course. The conquered piece returns to its color's start."

Madeleine seemed to really enjoy this variation. "You and Cousin Eddie are so silly and clever," she said, and added, "I love it! But I can imagine this game taking a long time to finish."

"Oh, yes indeed," I replied, "But thankfully we don't keep time in our beloved Xanadu Forest, so we technically have forever to finish the game if it were ever needed. Eternity hasn't been needed so far in games we've played in the past. Plus we never run out of beer! Cousin Eddie will have more than enough empty cans to finish multiple remote control boats even!"

"I see," Madeleine chuckled, and she started thumbing through record albums, since we were now upon my Persian rug awaiting Cousin Eddie. And she added, "Yep. Sounds perfectly like you guys haha! I have to say, I'm really enjoying being your gatekeeper. This is a truly wonderful place to live." Without asking permission, Madeleine slid a U2 record out of its sleeve and began playing it on my turntable. A bold move by her, indeed! But I wasn't upset or even annoyed really. Just surprised, you know. She was definitely feeling at home here in my Sacred Garden. And that was a very, very nice thing for all of us.

I thanked her for her kind words and told her what a pleasure it's been having here in my Sacred Garden. And how great a job she was doing as my beautiful gatekeeper. Then I remembered a SORRY!: Board Conquest variation I had neglected to tell her: "And I almost forgot! The colored home that matches your game piece always gives you the home advantage, even if someone else already occupies that colored home. So even if you are invading, YOU get to roll 3 dice while the defender only gets to roll 2. But only when it's your color."

"Got it!" Madeleine confirmed, and by then Cousin Eddie had arrived and was setting up the game board. Cousin Eddie commented to Madeleine that he liked her choice in the record album. And they talked about U2 while I arranged our snacks, and claimed the green SORRY! game pieces for myself. The game went smoothly, once we finally got it going. And we were all three of us truly enjoying this lovely bonding period. It was so comforting to all of us, I could feel. For the next album, I chose Gerry Rafferty's City To City LP. Neither Cousin Eddie nor Madeleine commented on my choice. After that, Cousin Eddie chose to play Van Halen's Diver Down. And I made it a point to discuss Van Halen with him for a bit, knowing my beautiful gatekeeper knew very little about them. And the game went on. And on. Kale chips and caramel corn were devoured, and a pile of empty beer cans was growing. Both Cousin Eddie and I offered a can of beer to Madeleine multiple times, but she politely refused every time.

Then Madeleine REALLY surprised me when she finally said, "I don't like canned beer typically, but a bit of wine actually sounds good right now. I'll be right back" And my beautiful gatekeeper excused herself, and disappeared into the brush. By the time she returned, it was time for us all to say goodnight to my cousin the Sun, and to greet my cousin the Moon. And so we all did, happily. And that's when she shocked me: Madeleine uncorked a large bottle of wine, held it high into the air with her mighty white wing, and shouted, "Cheers!"

Surprised, but happily so, Cousin Eddie and I raised our cans of beer into the night sky and harmonized, "Cheers!" Then we both watched in wonder as Madeleine, my beautiful gatekeeper started chugging wine straight from the bottle. "Nice!" I thought. And also "Badass!" Then I smiled, realizing what a breakthrough moment this was in our bonding...and, with suspicion, said to my beautiful gatekeeper, "I never knew we had any wine in my Sacred Garden."

Madeleine laughed, and chugged more wine, "There's lots you don't know, Kev, haha!" Then drew her SORRY! card, entered my colored home, invaded, and rolled her dice. And I rolled mine. And she won the battle. And conquered my home color! But she hadn't won the war, I reminded her. And we all three laughed and imbibed and the game went on and on. And many records continued to be played throughout the moon-greeting.

At one point, out of the blue, my soulmate Cousin Eddie the Raven caught me off-guard and decided to ask me about the glitter bulbs we had planted along the pathway down to my sister the River so long ago. He thought they might have bloomed by now, and wondered that they hadn't. I invaded Madeleine's home color, and rolled my dice. And she rolled hers. And I won! I conquered my beautiful gatekeeper's home color! Feeling bold, I finally replied to Cousin Eddie, "How many of the glitter blooms would you like to see?"

A bit perplexed, Cousin Eddie shrugged his wings, but finally answered, "How about all of them. I don't remember how many we planted."

I winked at both he and Madeleine and said, "Watch this!" I meditated quickly, and one by one, the glitter bulbs bloomed, and shined, and lit up a very large part of my Sacred Garden. I made 4 of them sparkle and glow green to match my SORRY! game pieces. And I made 4 of them sparkle and glow red to match Cousin Eddie's SORRY! game pieces. Then I made 4 of them sparkle and glow blue to match Madeleine's SORRY! game pieces. Cousin Eddie and Madeleine clapped their wings and began a lovely toast. A toast that was only for the 3 of us. A beautiful, most memorable toast I'll not share here.

Life is beautiful beautiful.
Thank you all for joining me on this journey.
I love you.
Lovely of lovelies.
XX

0 Comments

Chapter 32: Bbaesh, My Beautiful Lioness & The Existential Shift

8/14/2017

0 Comments

Most of you know well how grateful I am to dwell in the midst of the midst of our mostly blessed Interterrestria. There is no greater comfort for me than when I rest upon my Persian rug within the safety of my Sacred Garden, and consider my unearned blessings. There are too many to name, but certainly I must mention my soulmate Cousin Eddie the Raven and my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine the albino peacock (peahen). Far more than lovely companions and fellow garden dwellers, they forever help me to be ME, and are always sources of indescribable joy--even during the not-so-gentle times. And there is my stunning sister Zoe, the River, who flows endlessly gentle along the western edge of my Sacred Garden, and speaks to me softly during the moon-greetings...but only when I sleep. And also, of course, there are my innumerable cousins, the sun and moon, and indeed ALL moons, stars, and planets. They are my only blanket when I sleep upon the Persian rug, for no other blanket is needed in my Sacred Garden.

But, of course, the greatest blessing of all--without whom none of my other blessings would exist is Edwin the Bee, who sits upon His lotus flower near my Sacred Garden's gate. For Edwin is My Father...and also my sister Zoe's Father. Zoe and I are actually twins, by the way. I'm not sure any of you knew that, but it's true. I bring this up because I've never known myself to have a mother. And that never troubled me in the least. You see, things are very strange and different in Interterrestria...many things tend to simply BE rather than to be born (myself being one of those things). Beginnings and endings are mostly foreign concepts in my beloved Xanadu Forest, aside from games, stories, songs, and lively moon-greetings at the Sacred Pub! I digress. What follows is the story of how that all changed...as I slumbered peacefully upon my Persian rug one very fine moon-greeting.

So I mentioned how my sister the River speaks to me when I sleep. And how she always speaks so gently. Her words had never once woken me from my sleep...that's how gentle they had always been. Until this one particular moon-greeting. Her words were not harsh in the least, of course, but she called me to wake. She called me to come see her now by her River's bank, and she told me that there was a very special guest waiting to meet me there. Then my dear sister Zoe assured me there was no cause for alarm, and that I should not fear the presence of this mysterious visitor. Certainly I trusted my own precious twin sister, so I didn't hesitate at all in waking and shaking off the dust of sweet slumber.

As I walked down the path toward my sister and a mysterious guest, I became quite conscious of just how silent the forest was...not so much as a peep or a rustle of flower, leaf, or grass. I greeted my cousin the moon and walked slowly into the trees, and down the sacred path. I felt warm inside--comforted. It turned out to be a very good thing that my sister had warned me not to fear the visitor's presence, for certainly I would have been quite intimidated at the very least. For, the silhouette that stood before me as I came out of the trees and into the view of my twin sister's bank was massive, and wore an equally massive cloak. I could see no details of the figure at all until I stepped completely out of the trees and into the moon's light. And even then I saw only the fabric of the cloak, and was able to tell that the mysterious visitor was turned slightly sideways but mostly facing toward me. I breathed, reminded myself to not be afraid, and stepped closer to the figure.

Very slowly and gently, the mysterious figure turned to face me directly, and let down the hood of their cloak. What I saw that instant is hard to properly describe with words. Stunning and amazingly beautiful, yes, but those two words fall short. It was the face of the most gorgeous lioness I had ever seen, and her large mane shined of the purest of gold so that I had to squint my eyes a bit to shield my pupils from her glow. I was taken aback, yes, but not from fear--rather from wonder. It felt truly magical and divine. Then I finally remembered to breathe again--then quickly forgot to breathe again right after that--since the gorgeous lioness smiled warmly at me, let her cloak fall open, and extended her massive paws to embrace me. She smelled of a blend of Cottonwood leaf and Jasmine. And I heard my sister the River's gentle flow behind the lovely lioness. Indeed, all my senses were fully awakened in a way I don't believe they ever had been before. I embraced her massive embrace comfortably, despite having no idea who she was. When something feels of Love and Light, you just know it, you know. You just feel it. That single embrace seemed to contain all of eternity within it. Not that it was particularly long, mind you, just that it was that powerful--and surprisingly gentle given her size and apparent strength. I could have completely melted into a puddle of liquid stardust right then and there! That's how I felt.

And then the lovely lioness finally released me from her embrace and spoke (still smiling so gently), "It's so nice to finally meet you, Kev." After that, she took me by the hand and led us to my sister the River's edge, and added, "Come, let's sit down and dip our toes into your glorious twin sister's waters. For in them is most precious life, as you know well." Even the lioness' voice was soft and gentle when she spoke her words, though you could feel her might behind them. As we both sat down, she continued, "Zoe and I were having the most lovely conversation while I was waiting for you. She truly adores you."

Again, I struggle to accurately portray with words the Love, Light, and comfort that emanated so freely from the lovely lioness that now sat at my side. I've felt truly warm and comforted many times in my existence, but this was a type of comfort I had never remembered feeling. I watched her dip her massive hind paws into my sister's waters, and I considered that perhaps a new sense had just been awoken within me, as I removed my boots and dipped my own feet into Zoe's waters of most precious life. Finally, I gathered myself enough to speak, "It's so nice to meet you too, umm...err..well...you have me at a loss since I'm afraid I don't know who you are. But thank you. It's nice to meet you too." I wasn't quite at ease enough with the lovely lioness yet to ask her how she managed to evade Madeleine's surveillance and enter my Sacred Garden without notice...but that thought, of course, was hovering around in the very front of my mind.

Then the lovely lioness placed her massive paw upon my thigh in a very nurturing sort of way and explained, "Oh, I'm known by many different names in many different existences. You would find my name listed as 'Bbaesh' in your ancient Xanaduvian Dead Tree scrolls, if you searched through them enough. On Earth I am known as Tawny Kitaen...though of course the earthlings don't know the true nature of my existence. I show myself only to those whom I choose, and HOW I choose. Which should answer your unspoken question as to how I came into your Sacred Garden without your beautiful gatekeeper's notice. For you, Kev, I am a lovely, albeit, mighty lioness; for that is how your heart has chosen to see me." Then the lovely lioness casually picked up one of my boots and commented, "These are very nice. And fabulously unique. Where did you get them?"

"Thank you," I replied a bit sheepishly, "They are Mother Love Boots. They were made here in my blessed Xanadu Forest, upstairs from the Record Emporium. Long ago. By critters that unfortunately had to be banished from the forest because they allowed snakes to enter our lands. The snakes were even beginning to creep into my Sacred Garden. It was a dark season in our forest, in some ways, blessed as it may be."

"Ahh, I see," the lovely lioness whispered softly, and she continued, "You refer to the age when Twillerbee dwelt here with you...along with your children. I see it clearly now." And she set my boot back down upon the ground gently, and gazed into my sister the River. "Your sister the River wears the most fabulous gown there ever has been," she continued, and "There is no greater adornment in all the existences than the light of a shimmering moon upon the River of life."

"You know about Twillerbee and my children?" I asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yes, of course, Kev," the lovely lioness replied. "As I told you, your sister Zoe and I were having a wonderful conversation before you arrived. She told me many things. But, in all honesty, I already knew about you and Twillerbee even before I arrived here. Which is part of the reason I came to visit you on this beautiful moon-greeting. And, since part of you, Kev, also shares an earthly existence as I do, you should call me Tawny. Your heart is more comfortable with that, I can feel. Perhaps you will choose to change my name once you've learned to translate the ancient Xanaduvian name 'Bbaesh.' Or you may choose not to. Only ever call me what your heart wants you to."

"Forgive my foolishness, lovely Tawny," I said, "but you've given me a lot of information there. I'm not known around here for my brilliance so much as I am my fabulousness." And Tawny and I chuckled softly, and she placed her massive paw upon my thigh nurturingly once again. I continued, "It's clear your existence transcends the existences I've come to understand thus far. I think I'll just assume you know everything about me--and all existences--and much more--from here on out."

"Yes, yes, Kev. That's an excellent way to approach it!" Tawny exclaimed, and added, "It will make things much simpler. See, you really CAN be clever, Kev?!!" Then Tawny patted my shoulder gently with her massive paw and continued, "I was alerted to your presence because of your use of the Dragon's Eye that King Midas LeBottom gave you. It gave off sort of a signal to me that it was time for you to take your next step into a larger world. And don't worry, Kev, there are no other such Dragon's Eyes--only the one that you have in your pocket now, and its counterpart that King Midas has, of course. So you are quite safe using it. I know the good King well, and he would not have given you the Dragon's Eye unless you were truly ready for it. I must tell you, Kev, your heart is growing by leaps and bounds, and we are all so proud of the progress you've made."

And suddenly, a great truth emerged within my heart: "Tawny is one of the Createds!!! Holy crap! Oh how life is so wondrous and beautiful beautiful!" And then I apologized to Tawny for my outburst, since I had intended to say that only in my mind, but my foolish tongue decided otherwise. We both laughed heartily, and splashed our feet around happily in my sister's waters of life.

"Yes, yes, dear Kev. Indeed," Tawny chuckled, and placed her paw upon my thigh once again. I smiled comfortably and warmly at her.

Then out of nowhere, Edwin the Bee buzzed into our scene and landed upon my shoulder. "So what are you kids up to this fine moon-greeting?' He asked, and added, "You two seem to be having quite a time!"

Before I could respond to Edwin, Tawny extended her paw to Him and said, "Well hello, my most fabulous Edwin! It's so nice to see you again! Dear Kev and I were just discussing his foolishness." And Edwin and Tawny chuckled. And then I chuckled too, because I knew how much Edwin would enjoy hearing about my foolishness. I'm convinced that, of all of Edwin's amazing creations, my foolishness brings Him the greatest pleasure of all. At least it seems so to me. Oh how He loves to remind me how foolish! I digress.

After the pleasantries died down, Edwin finally asked Tawny if she had asked me about the diamond yet. "Not yet, dearest Edwin," Tawny replied, "I was just about to before you joined us. But perhaps it's even better now that You are here with us."

"The diamond?" I asked both Edwin and Tawny simultaneously. "You mean my Twillerbee diamond?"

Edwin answered with an agitated tone, "Only a fool such as yourself would refer to it as such a thing. But of course that doesn't surprise me, since..."

Then lovely Tawny interrupted Edwin (a bold move, I thought! Go Tawny!), "Yes, that diamond, dear Kev. But it is not the Twillerbee diamond, as you call it. It is, in actuality, the center of all the existences. And it is much more than a ridiculously large diamond apple that Andrew buried beneath your tree. I'm a bit surprised such a thought never occurred to you. Your universe has been giving you many clues of late to help you see this."

Edwin happily interjected, "I'm not surprised in the least! Only I could create such a fool that has mastered the art of foolishness so thoroughly!" Then Edwin buzzed down in front of Tawny and I and dipped His little bee toes into His daughter's waters of life. And He splashed them around playfully. I do believe I saw Edwin wink and smile at lovely Tawny as He did so.

Suddenly, a painful thought rose up within my heart. I paused, and so did my universe around me, including Edwin the Bee and lovely Tawny, as I gazed upon my sister's gown. I finally spoke, very quietly and slowly--for it was a painful thing to say, even more so than to feel--"It's time for me to let it go, isn't it? I've held on for far too long, haven't I?"

Edwin sighed ever so gently and lovingly, and He buzzed back up and rested again upon my shoulder. I could feel His mercy and Love...deep within me. The sadness that dwelt within the little tears streaming down my cheek were instantly overshadowed by the comfort and overwhelming joy of knowing that I had finally learned something that I had long needed to learn. That freedom was finally truly finding me after so long. A real and true freedom. The only freedom that really matters.

Lovely Tawny placed her gentle, massive paw upon my shoulder again, and massaged it most tenderly, explaining, "Yes, dear Kev. Yes a thousand times. You see, the existences have shifted too much since they were created. Far too many creations in far too many universes and dimensions have come once again to cherish control and division above Love and Light. Darkness also evolves, grows wiser and ever more clever. Such is the way of existence. That diamond buried beneath your tree, the center of all existences, contains within in it all the frequencies of all of creation. It holds all the balances of all things great and small. Now that the existences have shifted, the center must be relocated in order to restore balance for ALL. Ultimately, that's why I came to visit you this moon-greeting. It's time, dear Kev. But never would I take it from you, for I know it is sacred to you. I could only ever ask you to surrender it willingly. And only if your heart feels as much." Then dear Tawny ran her claws through my hair ever so gently, and I felt her Love and comfort.

I nodded solemnly, for I was unable to speak due to the lump in my throat. Edwin the Bee also nodded solemnly, and He smiled at me (which is a very rare thing for Him to do to me). Again, I felt His mercy and Love...and the rare occurrence of tenderness toward me.

Edwin spoke softly, "Tonight, My son, dear Tawny and I shall lie here with you as you drift off into a wonderful slumber next to your beautiful sister."

I lie down softly upon my side, and gazed into my beautiful sister's waters of life. So beautiful. Edwin lie peacefully upon my folded hands, and lovely Tawny lie down behind me, her massive paw now wrapped around me so comfortingly. So beautiful beautiful. Before I drifted off, I asked, almost a whisper, "And when I wake?"

Dear Tawny whispered into my ear so gently, "When you awake, I will be gone, and so will the diamond. But none of your Sacred Garden's magic. And the existences will begin to heal once again. You'll see, dear Kev. Love and Light will never have shone brighter." When I asked her if I would ever see her again, she replied even more softly, "That's up to you. Only let your heart seek me, and I will be there." And she stroked my hair tenderly once more in the most nurturing of ways, and concluded, "Sleep sweetly now, my son. All will be well. I love you."

My last vision before I fell into peaceful slumber was that of my Father snoozing upon the top of my hand, as my lovely sister Zoe glistened and flowed gently behind Him.

Life is beautiful.
Thank you, all lovely of lovelies.
I love you.
XX

0 Comments

Chapter 31: Yogi Sugaldo Smada & Soulmat-ey Shenanigans

8/10/2017

0 Comments

Though a sun-greeting or two of doing absolutely nothing (at least not productive) is a good and necessary thing every now and again, it must be enjoyed in moderation--as it is with ALL things save love itself. I learned this lesson most unhappily as a child, when my dad entered my bedroom unexpectedly once, and caught me sitting on the edge of my bed doing absolutely nothing. He asked me what I was doing, of course. And, of course, I responded by unashamedly replying, "Nothing." Then my dad asked me if I was bored. I thought about his question for a few seconds before answering, "I don't think so, no. I just haven't decided what I want to do today yet." Unfortunately my dad interpreted that somehow as boredom, and I spent the rest of the day cleaning up the garage and doing various forms of yard work. I can safely say in all honesty that I've never once been bored since that day. Or, at the very least, I've never admitted as much to anyone. And certainly not my dad! It's quite possible my own productive father, who came from a long line of productive ancestors, indirectly and unwittingly gave birth to my slacker tendencies.

I remember a time, not long after the day of that unfortunate lesson, when my dad made a chart of chores I could do throughout the week and earn an allowance. To be fair, it was a logical plan on my dad's part. Kids like money, right? But I wasn't always a very logical child. No, I chose instead to become a newspaper delivery boy. Somehow in my mind, I decided that getting up at 4 a.m. and delivering newspapers 7 days a week was better than cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, taking out the trash, loading the dishwasher, etc. To this day, I'm not sure why I chose that path, but I'm glad that I did. It certainly paid much more than my dad was willing to pay me. I was even able to buy my own pair of blue suede Nike Diablo's (with the yellow swoosh & hexagon tread) at the mall, on top of always having access to arcade (Alladin's Castle) and mall nacho money. And I even remember proudly buying my first ever cassette tape (Scorpions' "Love At First Sting"), and, not long after that, my second cassette tape (Motley Crue's "Shout At The Devil"). Not long after that I figured out that I could have even more arcade and nacho money if I started "borrowing" my dad's cassettes. Enter Led Zeppelin, Boston, Deep Purple, and Yes. I never had to purchase my own Star Wars toys or K-Tel records and tapes, since that was what Christmas and birthdays were for.

These were the sort of things I was remembering as I stepped off my peaceful Persian rug and went to meet with my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine, and Cousin Eddie, my soulmate Raven. I considered also that it's good to remember the time I spent on Earth...but also in moderation.

Madeleine seemed genuinely pleased to see me. "Happy sun-greeting, Mr. Kev! Are you finished doing absolutely nothing productive yet?"

I thought of my dad again, and smiled gently before answering, "Yes, beautiful gatekeeper, I think that I am. For now. And happy sun-greeting, Madeleine! I'll sign off on those garden gate activity logs now, if you like." She handed me the clipboard, and it took me longer than usual to sign off on the GGALs since the pages had divided and multiplied while I was busy doing absolutely nothing productive. I scanned over the pages to make sure there was nothing unusual on them. There wasn't. Mostly just shipments from Mitzy the Arctic Fox (mostly cases of canned beer for Cousin Eddie, but also spices and seasonings I assumed Madeleine was using for her kale chips) and ever less visits from forest fairies looking for Andrew. And homework packets for me that dear Caesar Emeritus had dropped off. My beautiful gatekeeper was crunching on kale chips as I was reading and signing, of course, and so I crunched on a couple of them too. They really weren't so bad. Then I saw an entry that said Caw Caw Carl had stopped by because he was having problems with the servers at the County Clerk's office. I had to ask Madeleine about that, of course.

"Oh yes, Mr. Kev, I'm glad you brought that up," she replied, "I need you to go fix the servers for Mr. Caw Caw, if you don't mind."

I replied sheepishly, "I don't mind, Madeleine, but you know I know very little about computers and servers. Wouldn't you be better suited for it? I could mind the gate for you for a bit while you're away."

"Yes, you're right, Mr. Kev, which is why I've printed out this server and router troubleshooting guide to help you," my beautiful gatekeeper answered, and continued, "Normally I would go fix Mr. Caw Caw's servers, but I can't...which brings me to another item on the next page of the clipboard: my old Yoga instructor is coming by, and I'll need some meditation time with him."

I flipped to the next page on the clipboard, and saw it. "Ahh, I see...Yogi Sugaldo Smada. What sort of critter is he? And will he be coming by regularly?" I asked.

Madeleine answered, "He's a monkey, Mr. Kev. A very nice one at that. And brilliant and gifted! I'm surprised you haven't heard of him; he's quite a famous author you know. And no, Mr. Kev, Sugaldo just happens to be passing through our forest this sun-greeting, so it's a rare opportunity to see him again. Which is why I need to embrace this opportunity."

"I don't mind at all, my beautiful gatekeeper, so long as he's not going to force ME to do Yoga too!" I replied. "And I'm also surprised I haven't heard of him if he's such a famous author. I've read lots of books from the Library Tree, you know. But his name doesn't even sound familiar."

Madeleine chuckled, "As I think about it, it makes sense you haven't heard of him. He mostly writes books about healthy living." Then my beautiful gatekeeper looked purposefully at my waistline again, and added, "His most famous book is 'The Urban Commuter's Guide To Healthy Living,' though 'Bypass The Bypasses' is also quite popular. Oh, and there's '42 Ways To Leave Your Blubber'! That's a good one too...I mean not for you, but for people that enjoy healthy living." I made sure Madeleine saw me roll my eyes at her little jab, and she continued, "And don't worry, Mr. Kev. Not only will Sugaldo Smada NOT make you do Yoga, it would actually be preferred that you and Cousin Eddie keep a good distance from us while my old Yogi is here, and that you make as little noise as possible, so as not to interrupt our meditations. If you don't mind, Mr. Kev, I mean."

I assured my beautiful gatekeeper that Cousin Eddie and I would do our best not to disturb them, and she thanked me. And I was off to attempt to fix Caw Caw Carl's server problem. Edwin the Bee looked at me curiously as I passed by and exited the garden gate, but He said nothing. And I only said, "Namaste. Or Namago, maybe. I love you, Edwin." He grumbled, and closed His eyes again peacefully upon His lotus flower.

Surprisingly, I was able to fix Caw Caw Carl's server problem very quickly, since the troubleshooting manual Madeleine printed out for me wisely suggested that I try unplugging the router and plugging it back in again before reading the rest of the manual. It actually took longer to exchange pleasant pleasantries with Caw Caw Carl and his imaginary friend Gemini Cricket than it did to get the County Clerk's office servers functioning again. Caw Caw and Gemini were doing quite well and enjoying their analog Sacred Garden simulation, it turned out. I truly enjoyed seeing that...though I couldn't see Gemini Cricket, of course!

Almost before I realized it, I was back inside my actual Sacred Garden again, and immediately noticed that Madeleine wasn't upon her desk, Achilles' Last Stand. This intrigued me, and brought out my inquisitive side. I mean, I knew she was somewhere in the Sacred Garden with Yogi Sugaldo Smada--I wasn't wondering about that at all. But it had occurred to me that I had never before had the opportunity to play around on her computer before--and her fancy surveillance equipment--that's what really intrigued me!

It all started out innocently enough. I sat down upon Achilles' Last Stand and started looking at folders on Madeleine's computer's desktop. Nothing unusual at all...just the sorts of folders I had expected to see. I did find her forum she had created to update the fairies on Andrew-related events in order to prevent them from disturbing my beautiful gatekeeper endlessly at the garden gate. I may have posted a thread or two to Madeleine's fairy forum that Madeleine may or may not have liked me posting. And someone (presumably a fairy) with the user name LuckyFluffles13 may or may not have responded to a thread with something along the lines of "Preach it, sister! Ale and cigarettes are sooo totes better than kale and Yoga!" And another forum user named Fabulubis666 may or may not have replied to another thread with something like "Hahahaha! If I had known kale gave you such bad gas, I would've started eating it a long time ago! #BreakLikeTheWind"

Then I decided to go into settings to see if the official garden server was still named "DrPenisOstrich," as my son Weasel had re-named it while he and my daughter Butterfly were here visiting on their break from the Starmappers' Academy. Happily, it still was. That brought my face and heart large and warm smiles. Such a good Weasel! For my tastes, anyway. And then, "almost" on accident, I found the controls for the surveillance system Madeleine had installed throughout my Sacred Garden [GARCOM, it's come to be known as in our beloved Xanadu Forest--yes, word of such anomalies spreads fast in our lands!] That's mostly when the trouble began.

It didn't take me long to figure out how to bring up the various controls for surveillance cameras and intercoms. I tinkered with the controls a bit, and even wished a good sun-greeting to Ptolemy and T-Yay who were discussing Billy Squier records in the Record Emporium. And I checked in with Caw Caw Carl and Gemini Cricket too. I told them I was learning how to be a gatekeeper too! And we all chuckled--via the GARCOM, of course. Then I scrolled through camera angles some more, and I found Cousin Eddie in the crow's nest, atop the Tree House. He was fidgeting with some sort of cylinder he had apparently just made out of beer cans. I decided to surprise my Raven soulmate via the intercom, speaking loudly, "Aarghh, me matey!" I rather enjoyed Cousin Eddie's look of surprise as I watched him on Madeleine's computer. I suddenly understood why Madeleine enjoyed the GARCOM so much. But that's also when the trouble FULLY began. For though I was attempting to speak only through the intercom atop the crow's nest, I had, in actuality, spoken through the overhead loudspeaker that sounds like a prison yard announcement. I saw my beautiful gatekeeper--on another camera angle--topple over from her meditative Yoga stance, and watched her albino peacock (peahen) feathers ruffle greatly upon her Yoga mat. I saw her instructor, Yogi Sugaldo Smado, help her to her feet, and encourage her to not be so easily distracted. He was indeed a handsome little monkey!

Had it stopped there, it really wouldn't have been much trouble. But ,since I'm always ME, it didn't. I did manage the sense to stop messing with my beautiful gatekeeper's computer. So I hopped down off of Achilles' Last Stand and relieved myself of all gatekeeper-type duties for the foreseeable future. But then Cousin Eddie arrived in his remote control patrol jeep. He tossed me a can of beer, and we chugged them down. And laughed. And he showed me the cylinder he had made out of beer cans. And we chugged another beer. The mysterious cylinder, it turns out, was a telescope he had made, and he was testing it out from the crow's nest. We both had a good laugh when we realized how unwittingly appropriate my pirate announcement over the loudspeaker was. And we chugged more beers. And a few more.

The events that followed get a bit foggy for me after that, but I remember that Cousin Eddie and I ended up inside the Tree House, rummaging through the treasure chest. We both laughed immensely when my soulmate Raven removed the key chain that was made of strips of leather from Mike Reno's pants. Then we chugged more canned beer and wondered what the single key attached to it was for. Cousin Eddie speculated it was a key to some very unlucky hotel room. And we laughed a lot and chugged. And I suggested it could have been the key to Don McLean's Chevy. And we laughed some more. And Chugged some more. I also recall that at some point, we managed to find eye patches and wooden swords, and decided to be Garden Pirates. The wooden swords, I would later learn, unhappily, were actually Nerf guns. And the eye patches, I would later learn, more unhappily still, were bits of fabric I had at some point decided to cut from my shirt. Cut from the wrongest of places, I should add. And they were secured over our eyes using rubber bands.

I remember almost nothing else of the rest of that particular sun-greeting, aside from lots of running around my Sacred Garden with Cousin Eddie and yelling things like, "Aargh, me booty!" And I eventually awoke peacefully upon my Persian rug, noticing that my entire Sacred Garden was littered with Nerf darts, and that there were holes cut into my shirt so that my nipples also greeted my cousin, the Sun. I promptly went back to sleep. Not so much that I needed more of it; but that I was not looking forward to hearing from my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine. I didn't want to imagine what sort of vengeance Madeleine was going to unleash upon me for this. I really didn't. I fell back asleep to the sound of the soft and gentle laughter of my sister, The River. Beautiful beautiful.

Life is truly beautiful, beautiful.
Thank you, fabulouses!
Lovely of lovelies.
I love you.
XX

0 Comments

Chapter 30: Casio Spies, Tanx, and Stratego-Go!

8/6/2017

0 Comments

Waking upon the Persian Rug is always a pleasant feeling--especially so when my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine doesn't rattle me with the shrill and piercing sound of her voice through the overhead intercom, which always makes me feel as though I'm waking up in a prison yard, and shatters any number of lovely vivid dreams I may be enjoying on a given sun-greeting. Madeleine's voice itself is neither shrill nor piercing, I should add. It's only when she blasts it through that hellish speaker that surely was designed by someone who had no knowledge at all of hyperacusis or even aural sensitivity. Or perhaps by someone who simply enjoys inflicting sonic pain upon others. I digress.

This particular waking upon the Persian rug, however, was even more pleasant than most. Firstly, my lovely vivid dreams went on uninterrupted, and were allowed to properly finish their tales before I woke. Secondly, there had been so much activity in our blessed Xanadu Forest of late that I was unable to recall the last time I woke naturally inside my own Sacred Garden. It felt cozy. Felt like home. Felt like MY home...which it is, of course! But it's nice to be reminded of that now and again. Between homework, general canine sense and nonsense (thank you, dear Caesar, T-Yay, and gentle Ptolemy! I love you!) and the arrivals of both Caw Caw Carl the Stellers Jay and Yana the mischievous black bear into our beloved Xanadu Forest, there had just been so much going on seemingly always of late. And there had been so many journeys and adventures lately too! All these events were well, good, and magical, of course, but certainly they had interfered with my rest and relaxation. Those that know me well know well how I cherish and adore my do-absolutely-nothing moments. I was truly missing them. But not THIS sun-greeting, I had decided. No, this sun-greeting was going to be dedicated to doing as close to absolutely nothing as I possibly could. Nothing productive anyway, for sure! And I am particularly stubborn when I've made such a decision within myself, so I knew well there was a very high chance of succeeding.

I decided to play a record album upon my Persian rug as I enjoyed doing nothing, as doing nothing is even better with a soundtrack. I flipped through many of my record albums, and none of them were jumping out at me. I knew what I wanted: something mostly soft--not too dynamic--with a nice gentle groove. Something too dynamic might get my blood flowing too much, I considered, and I could easily fall into the trap of doing something productive. Deep Purple. No. Led Zeppelin. No. Boz Scaggs. Hmm...interesting. It's soft. And I liked the idea of a soundtrack for my doing nothing coming from someone who mostly made a living by writing soundtracks for others [we garden dwellers have long referred to Boz Scaggs as "Soundtrack Boy"] I read through the songs and credits on his Silk Degrees album. Nope. Not in the mood for that. So I kept flipping through records. Bread's Greatest Hits. Almost. But no--I don't want to go back to sleep--I want to actually be awake and do nothing. You get the idea by now, I'm sure. I kept flipping, occasionally stopping to glance at album artwork, song titles, and credits. And then I found it! Christopher Cross' self-titled album from '79. Yes! That's the one! The needle dropped, and it felt wonderful. I kept the volume fairly low so as not to attract attention from Madeleine or Cousin Eddie. Not that I had anything against them, of course. I was just afraid that if I drew their attention, they were likely to significantly decrease my odds of succeeding in doing absolutely nothing.

I sat down peacefully upon my Persian rug while the record played, soaking in the nothingness. It was perfect. I greeted my lovely cousin the Sun, and watched a few puffy clouds form shapes of things like mythical critters and spaceships. And a bratwurst. Or so I imagined with that one. Then I almost opened a book and began to read. But then I reminded myself that reading a book could actually be considered doing something productive, so I abandoned that thought quickly, and even aimed my outstretched palm toward the blameless book defensively, as if it had come to life and wished to destroy my plan of doing absolutely nothing. I apologized to the poor unsuspecting book thereafter, and it accepted my apology. Gratefully for me, graciously for IT. Then it was time to flip the record album and play the other side. And so I did so. Then I heard Cousin Eddie zip through the bushes in his remote control patrol jeep a good distance away from me. He was heading toward the garden gate, it sounded. He was clearly not coming toward me, so my plan of doing absolutely nothing was still quite safe. I sat down peacefully once again upon my lovely Persian rug.

But then my mind began wondering what Cousin Eddie was up to this sun-greeting, and I lacked the self-discipline required to keep myself from wandering a few steps off of my Persian rug, so that I could sneakily peek through the trees and perhaps determine what it was he was doing. And then a few steps more. I still couldn't catch a proper glimpse. A few more steps into the brush. And quite a few more after that. And there he was now, parked in front of his garage he long ago built out of empty beer cans! He hopped out of his little remote control patrol jeep and approached Madeleine who was typing away on her computer at Achilles' Last Stand (the name of the gatekeeper's desk in my Sacred Garden, for readers that are new to these stories). I suddenly realized how much I had been missing Cousin Eddie's company since I'd been away so much. We are soulmates, after all!

Before I knew it, there I was in the presence of my beautiful gatekeeper and Cousin Eddie. I greeted them somewhat sheepishly, and resolved to stick to my plan of doing absolutely nothing. At least nothing productive. Deciding to get out in front of any possible do-absolutely-nothing interferences, I told Madeleine I could not sign off on the Garden Activity Log sheets this sun-greeting since I was committed to doing absolutely nothing. Cousin Eddie shouted, "Here, here, Mr. Kev!" and tossed me a can of beer. Cousin Eddie and I managed to harmonize the opening of our beer cans and chugged them down happily as though we had intentionally synchronized this event.

Surprisingly, Madeleine gave no sort of argument at all. She said to me simply and softly, "Good for you, Mr. Kev. A sun-greeting of untainted respite will be wonderful for you. Just what you need!"

This is precisely when I learned just how good Madeleine had become at manipulating me, for I immediately found myself completely unable to refrain from asking her if anyone significant had stopped by the garden gate. My beautiful gatekeeper, of course, only told me that I would have a very hard time doing absolutely nothing if she told me who had stopped by. Dang it! She always wins! I meant to say that only in my mind, of course, but my mouth produced a spontaneous executive order which made it a public statement somehow.

"That's why I'm a gatekeeper, Mr. Kev. And you're a...well, umm...you're a YOU. Not that there's anything particularly wrong with that usually," she replied. And she slid a bowl in my direction upon her desk, and asked, "Kale chip?" And Cousin Eddie tossed me another can of beer which I particularly enjoyed.

And I replied, "No thank you, Madeleine. Kale is the gateway drug to Yoga, and Yoga is the gateway drug to good health. You know well that's not my thing."

Surprisingly, Madeleine actually laughed at that, and said, "Suit yourself Mr. Kev. I made this batch special. They're seasoned with lemon pepper and dandelion milk." Then Madeleine crunched one and pursed her lips for emphasis, "Mmm. Yummy!"

I would've been lying had I pretended the kale chips didn't sound kind of yummy. And it's never good to lie to one's gatekeeper you know. It never ends well. So I said, "Fine, if you insist. But Cousin Eddie has to try one with me." And I handed Cousin Eddie a lemon pepper dandelion milk kale chip, smiling and thinking myself very clever. "I don't have to do Yoga after eating it, do I?"

Cousin Eddie surprised my by refusing the delicious kale chip, and pushing my hand away with his wing. "No thank you, Mr. Kev. I've been eating these kale chips all sun-greeting, and I'm stuffed! They really are that delicious."

Then Madeleine crunched at me, "No, of course you don't have to do Yoga, silly!" Then my beautiful gatekeeper looked at my waistline just long enough for me to see that she was looking at my waistline, and added, "But it wouldn't hurt." Like I said, somehow she always wins. *sigh* I ate more kale in that one conversation, of course than I've ever eaten throughout my lifetime combined.

Then I grumbled. And then laughed. And then Madeleine and Cousin Eddie laughed too. It was a nice moment. A really nice one I'll not soon forget. *crunch, crunch* *chug, chug* And then I noticed a band around Madeleine's wing that had never been there before--it looked like one of those Casio calculator watches that some kids had back when I was in elementary school. I had to ask her about it, of course!

My beautiful gatekeeper teased me,"You're right, Mr. Kev! Good job! It IS one of those Casio calculator watches...highly modified, of course. Yana stopped by and gave it to me. It's so awesome!"

Were I not moderately buzzed from Cousin Eddie's canned beer and enjoying specially seasoned kale chips I would have been truly livid! And yet I still remained annoyed, "Wait! So Yana came to our garden gate and you didn't page me over the intercom?!!"

Madeleine replied nonchalantly, "I know how much that loudspeaker that makes you feel like you're in a prison yard disturbs you, and Yana convinced me to stop using it. She gave me this modified Casio watch to use instead. Which, of course, implies that she left one for YOU. Which she did...Here!" And Madeleine removed another Casio calculator watch from a small box that was identical to hers, and helped me strap it round my wrist. Truly, a good gatekeeper knows when a gatekeepee is too buzzed to latch their own bracelet! Nice nice. Then Madeleine continued, "Yana left some introductory instructions also, which I have already read through...but you will have to wait for another sun-greeting to read them, lest you break your commitment to doing absolutely nothing productive today." Finally, some verbal mercy from my beautiful gatekeeper! I was truly grateful.

And Cousin Eddie interjected, "I've got the perfect plan for doing nothing productive, Mr. Kev! Stand by! I'll be right back!" Then my awesome soulmate rocker Raven hopped into his remote control patrol jeep and headed for our magical, Zeppelin-themed tree house--complete with a Stairway to Heaven! I plopped down upon the grass next to Achilles' Last Stand and fidgeted with my mysteriously modified Casio calculator watch. Madeleine went back to typing on her computer. I was able to sip down one more can of beer before Cousin Eddie arrived.

When Cousin Eddie did arrive, he looked oh so fabulous! He leaped out of his remote control patrol jeep wearing a lovely black feather boa, and high-heeled boots that went much higher up his Raven's legs than I believed boots were ever intended to.

I understood right away, and I jumped up and shouted, "Yes!!! Brilliant! Stratego-Go! You're a genius, Cousin Eddie! And I see you've got dibs on Marc Bolan. Nice nice!" Cousin Eddie tossed me another can of beer and we chugged away laughing. "Now it's my turn...stand by!" I told both Cousin Eddie and my beautiful gatekeeper, and I ran off to the tree house. I went in through the out door, of course! And I returned in quite a fabulous get-up. Even higher-heeled boots than Cousin Eddie's, of course. Then I announced, "I've got dibs on David Johansen!"

Confused as she was, Madeleine truly seemed to be enjoying this ridiculous ritual. For once--and likely the only time ever--I seemed to have the upper hand on my beautiful gatekeeper *yay* Then again, I likely didn't actually have the upper hand, but it was nice to have a moment where I believed I at least MIGHT have the upper hand. In some sort of way. Madeleine finally spoke, "I don't get it. Stratego-Go?"

I replied (a bit smugly, in all honesty), "You know, Stratego?--the board game. We play Stratego. But we dress up as glam rock legends while we play, and listen to record albums. The winner gets to pick the album we play next, but has to pick an album from the glam rock legend they're dressed up as. And we drink lots of beer. The more rounds we play, the more fun it becomes. It becomes ever less strategic, and ever more fabulous. The loser has to put on more makeup!" And I laughed, and so did my soulmate Cousin Eddie. And Cousin Eddie set up the game board in the grass and began sorting our game pieces.

And Madeleine laughed too. And she hopped down off her desk, and joined us upon the grass, and asked us if she could play too. "I've never played Stratego. How does it work?"

I was about to explain to my beautiful gatekeeper that unfortunately Stratego is only a two-player game, but my soulmate rocker Raven interrupted, "Well, Stratego is sort of like Chess, except that you don't know what your opponent's pieces are. See? They have numbers." And he showed Madeleine some of the game pieces. And he added, "A higher number always beats a lower number, and the lower number becomes captured after a battle, and has to be removed from the board."

Then Madeleine grabbed one of the game pieces and asked, "What's this bomb-looking thingy? It doesn't have a number."

"It's a bomb," I quipped. "Bombs don't have numbers. They just blow up." Then I suggested that Cousin Eddie and I just play a round to demonstrate how it works. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was trying to keep Madeleine from intruding on my soulmate and I's sacred ritual. Cousin Eddie agreed, though I could feel he wasn't wanting to disclude Madeleine, and we finally arranged our pieces and began our game. I spent the entire moon-greeting listening to T. Rex albums and applying makeup as we played round after round. I didn't win a single round. And, honestly, it wasn't unpleasant. In fact, it was very nice nice.

And not to make excuses, but it didn't help me any that Madeleine kept pointing to my pieces on the board and asking things like, "Now why did you put all your bombs like that in a line? (and actually trace out the line with the tip of her wing)" Or "So that's a 10. A Marshall, you said it's called? Since it's the biggest number, shouldn't you just march it forward?" Truly, my beautiful gatekeeper always wins. *sigh*

Then again, when it comes down to it, we all really won on that particular sun and moon-greeting. In our own ways. "Yes, but I ACTUALLY won," Cousin Eddie seemed to enjoy repeating time and time again.

Life is so beautiful beautiful.
Lovely of lovelies!
Thank you all for your time and presence in my life.
I love you.
XX

0 Comments

Chapter 29: Dear Caesar & I's Big Big Sun-Greeting

8/2/2017

0 Comments

Even in the comfort and security of our blessed Xanadu Forest, none but One (Edwin the Bee, of course!) have ever managed to achieve perfection. As it is upon Earth--and all other universes and dimensions--our lands are filled with creatures that are filled with flaws and quirks. Even the moons and the stars, and the trees and the flowers fall short of perfection, though, admittedly, the flaws are seldom observed or discussed in our lands.

Though I'm reluctant to make any comparison at all of our Xanadu Forest to your Earthly dimension, it feels proper to express that there is one very large difference between our existence and yours: namely that in our lands we never lack love--of self, AND of neighbor. Even in our darkest and weakest moments, love remains, for us, the greatest power and the chief of all emotions. That's not to say we never get angry or make poor decisions, but that we never resort to violence nor wish ill toward others--even those we despise. For instance, I'm no fan at all of the greedy fat squirrels of Walnut St, and I truly despise the filthy seagulls of Bleakerton...but never would I intentionally cause or wish harm upon even the very foulest of their respective species. I simply avoid them best as I can, which is much easier to do than one might imagine. Especially since it is my own imagination that gave birth to them.

And poor decisions we make are rarely apologized for, for there is no need. In a word, the Xanaduvian way is to accept all things (including ourselves and our neighbors) for what they are rather than to attempt to control or correct them. For we believe that all things were made to be exactly as they were made, and that the One that made them understands all things much better than any of us. And since we are all flawed in some ways or others, we all know well that we are in no position to make judgments--of ourselves OR of others. We ARE. Everything else IS. It's that simple to we in the blessed Xanadu Forest and beyond. And besides, it's especially foolish to make judgments upon things we know nothing about, isn't it? I, for one, am very stubborn when it comes to this, and Edwin the Bee is always happy to remind me of that! He seems to truly enjoy every opportunity to inform me that I know nothing! But He truly loves me, and I truly love Him. And now this reminds me of the time Dear Caesar Emeritus, the Baloo-eyed Akita, and master of our Library Tree--and myself!--once made very poor decisions on the very same sun-greeting. So, if you like, dear reader, pull up a log, a rock, or a soft place in the grass and join us for a spell.

Some of you will recall that Caw Caw Carl, the Stellers Jay, and my assistant to the assistant county clerk, had been doing the majority of my ancient Xanaduvian language homework of late. And though dear Caesar never got angry with me for passing along my homework, he had been reminding me more and more lately that I wasn't likely to learn much of my ancestral language without completing the work myself. Thick-headed as I am, it of course took extra prodding by my great instructor for this to really sink in [Truly, I am a slacker at heart--and anyone that truly knows me knows this well about me. But I don't apologize for it! It's just the way I was made, whether good or bad I don't know], but it really had begun to sink in, and I felt a great sense of accomplishment after completing a rather lengthy assignment all by myself. Indeed, I was anxious to turn in my work on this particular sun-greeting, and a vigorous pace carried my homework and I to the Library Tree with very little effort.

To my surprise, I entered the Library Tree to find dear Caesar Emeritus on his back upon the floor, all four of his massive paws pointed straight up toward the heavens. Thinking myself clever, I laughed and quipped, "So you've taken up yoga now, dear Ceasar?! My beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine will be the end of us all for sure!"

Dear Caesar seemed to be very distressed, though he didn't turn his head at all to look toward me when he replied, "Kev, is that you? Oh, Kev, I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake. I'm so glad you're here...please help me!"

I dropped my completed homework to the floor and rushed to dear Caesar's side with a sense of urgency, scratching his ear tenderly. "What's the matter, dear Caesar?" I asked him.

"Oh, Kev. Kev, the vendlum leaf. I decided to test it, and now I can't see a thing! Only light. Surrounded by overwhelming light. Closing my eyes, or even opening them again, has no effect at all! I can only see the light."

I tried to calm and reassure dear Caesar, "Oh, dear Caesar, I'm sure it will be fine." I continued to scratch and pet the Baloo-eyed Akita tenderly, and added, "After all, it's called 'Seller of light' for good reason, I'm sure, so it sounds like it's doing exactly what it's supposed to. ["Vendlum" in the ancient Xanaduvian tongue translates into English as "seller of light"]

Dear Caesar continued, without moving, but enjoying my tender scratching and petting, "I'm sure you are right, Kev, and I've also supposed the effects are quite natural and temporary. What concerns me is that younglings from Lemmington are coming this sun-greeting for a special story group I started. I don't want to let them down, but there's no way I can manage them in my current state. We must find a way to reverse the effects of the vendlum leaf...and we must do so quickly!"

I helped dear Caesar to his feet, and was grateful he was able to move and to stand up, though he was quite disoriented, of course, and I had to hold him up. He wrapped his front leg around my shoulder for support, and I continued to reassure him, "Try not to worry, dear Caesar. We will fix this, I'm sure of it. You're not going to let the younglings down." In truth, I had no idea how I was going to fix this, but I knew well it would do no good at all to tell this to dear Caesar. I silently reminded myself to breathe gently and slowly, and began to search my mind for possible solutions.

Just then, Madeleine's albino peacock (peahen) voice emanated from the intercom upon the wall above dear Caesar's desk, and asked, "Is there anything I can do to help, Kev? Sounds like quite a pickle." I noticed her voice was more tender than it normally was when she spoke to me, and I wondered briefly whether we were both beginning to understand one other better finally since she became my beautiful gatekeeper. [Yes, dear reader, my mind is easily distracted--even in times of distress!]

Then I realized my mind had become distracted again, and silently reminded myself to breathe slowly and softly once more, and I replied to Madeleine's intercom voice, "Thank you, beautiful gatekeeper, but no. This is an ancient Xanaduvian matter. I will find a way to fix this. I'll give you an update as soon as I'm able, and thank you again, Madeleine." And then it was my turn to make a very poor decision; for it occurred to me to guide dear Caesar toward the Sacred Pub, thinking that perhaps a pint or two of After Ale might be a perfect remedy.

[Now, dear reader, before you're tempted to believe that what's about to follow completely contradicts the Xanaduvian beliefs I laid out in the introduction to this story, I must make a few points:
1.The Sacred pub was not open for business when Caesar & I arrived
2.Olga the bartender fairy has a VERY strong personality
3.Olga is very well accustomed to dealing with critters in altered states of consciousness, and, as anyone who has ever been intoxicated well knows, they are often in need of "tough love"
4.Olga is always more than willing to apply this "tough love," and it sometimes comes off as an attempt to correct someone. And sometimes it is. But this should never be mistaken for judgment. She does so only out of genuine love and concern for her and all others that might be affected by any poor-decision-based incidents. Running a pub is no small task, you know!]

It took several knocks upon the Sacred Pub's door before a less-than-pleased-woken-from-slumber Olga the bartender fairy finally opened the door to dear Caesar and I. I knew Caesar and I were about to receive a great tongue-lashing from Olga as soon as I saw she was adorned in her terry cloth bathrobe and slippers. "Imbeciles! Ungrateful and thoughtless imbeciles!" were the only words Olga spoke to us before I began to explain what had occurred. My explanation of the events did little to soften Olga's breaths, and perhaps may have made them harsher. "Vendlum leaf?!!! What in Hades' name made you think vendlum leaf was a thing to try?!! That's sorcerer's weed, it is!" Despite Olga's fury, she led us inside the Sacred Pub and retrieved a pint of After Ale for dear Caesar as the emeritus and I sat down at the bar. The bartender fairy continued grumbling as dear Caesar chugged down his After Ale, "And I thought YOU the smart one, Caesar! Emeritus my ass! Imbeciles--the whole lot of you--I swear! Why do you let these fools corrupt you?" Then Olga turned to me and admonished, "And you, Mr. Kev, there's not a fluck's chance in Interterrestria that dog came upon vendlum leaf without your doing, laddie! What is wrong with you people?!!"

I lowered my head solemnly, and took my verbal beating from Olga silently. I knew well that any attempt at excuse or explanation would only anger her the more. After a respectful pause, I turned to dear Caesar and asked him, "Any difference, dear Caesar Emeritus? Any change in your vision?"

"None at all," dear Caesar replied almost hopelessly. "Just this overwhelming light. And disorientation. Perhaps I should have another?" I agreed, and Olga the bartender fairy barked at us more while she retrieved him another pint. Upon her return, she had seemed a bit calmer, and slid another fresh pint of After Ale in Caesar's direction. Then a strange and unexpected thing happened, and concerned us all greatly! I tried to put the pint into dear Caesar's paw, but his paw went straight through the glass--ale and ALL! And just as I was grasping his pint, intending to pour it down his throat, he began to hover above his bar stool. I jumped out of my own bar stool and rushed to hold him down. To no avail! I couldn't grasp him! My hands passed right through him as though he were a ghost, and he continued to drift and away and became increasingly more transparent. Then I saw an expression upon Olga's face that I had never seen before--and that I hope to never see again! It was the perfect blend of fury, panic, and helplessness.

I made no effort at all to remind myself to breathe gently and slowly, but almost instinctively reached into my pocket and removed the Dragon's Eye. I thought instantly of King Midas LeBottom, and instantly he appeared within my silvery orb. "Well, hello, Mr. Kev!" the orb spoke, and added, "So nice to see you! I see you're learning how to use the Dragon's Eye. Good. Very good. How goes it?"

Olga the bartender fairy began grumbling expletives and derogatory statements about sorcery that I won't repeat here, but I somehow managed to tune them out and reply to good King Midas, "Not so well, good King Midas. It seems dear Caesar Emeritus has experimented with the vendlum leaf you gave us, and now he can see nothing but overwhelming light. And younglings are arriving for a special story time with him."

King Midas LeBottom replied calmly, "Oh it will be quite fine, Mr. Kev. The overwhelming light he's seeing is quite the natural and proper effect of the vendlum leaf. The effect will pass soon enough. So long as he doesn't drink any ale, he will be quite himself before you know it." The good King Midas became slightly albeit lovingly agitated when I explained that we had just given dear Caesar some After Ale, but King Midas remained mostly calm. "I see," he continued. "Well, we have quite a situation now, Mr. Kev. You and dear Caesar Emeritus are going to have to learn some meditation techniques very quickly, lest we lose his spirit forever. You see, vendlum leaf only takes one's VISION into the light--not one's being. By giving him the After Ale, you've unwittingly allowed his entire BEING to latch on to the effects of the vendlum. Since Caesar has had no training in meditation as pertains to the light, his entire being is being carried away and he'll be trapped in a sort of limbo. The light that is overwhelming him now is sort of a universal narthex--a starting point of entry into any number of dimensions and universes. So what we'll need..."

I interrupted the good King Midas in a state of panic as I saw dear Caesar becoming ever more translucent, and still drifting--his being now only halfway visible beneath the ceiling of the Sacred Pub--"We're losing him! We're losing dear Caesar Emeritus! He's fading and passing through the ceiling!"

The good King Midas LeBottom replied ever so calmly, "It's okay, Kev. Relax. Breathe. I am with you both now. Time is only an illusion, there is no rush. Even should he vanish completely, you and I can go to where he is, and we can bring him back. But you must stay calm, and must breathe...ever so slowly and gently." I closed my eyes and breathed. "Good, good," I could hear the good King say to me, but it was no longer coming from the Dragon's Eye. And he continued, "I feel you now, I can feel your calm spirit. Now keep breathing gently, slowly. And you'll be happy to know I have located dear Caesar Emeritus, and I am here with him now. It's time for you to come join us, Kev..."

I opened my eyes just long enough to see that dear Caesar was no longer visible at all--and the look of wonder upon Olga the bartender's face, though she had long fallen silent. Then I shut my eyes again, and continued breathing. I imagined being with King Midas and dear Caesar, and most magically, I could see them. They waved and made silly faces at me from within the overwhelming light! I felt my own being fade quickly, and suddenly there I was among them in the midst of the overwhelming light. Nothing else. Only the three of us, and the light. It felt strange, to be honest, but in a most beautiful and comforting way. All sense of time and of fear were completely absent. All sense of urgency completely gone. I felt love. I felt warmth. I felt unity--not just with King MIdas and dear Caesar--but with all the universes and dimensions. I had no idea if my physical body was still in the Sacred Pub, and I didn't care in the least either way. I was among the dearest of friends now, in the midst of the light of eternity, and feeling the love of all of existence in a most profound way I'll not soon forget.

Good King Midas LeBottom embraced dear Caesar Emeritus and I, and we all laughed and shared wonderful stories. Then King Midas taught us how to "paint" universes and dimensions using only a single finger--or claw--as the case may be. It's very hard to describe adequately with words, which I considered, is perhaps yet another lesson for me. It was truly a magical experience, and dear Caesar and I caught on, and finally understood that we could "paint" ourselves into any existence we might choose. Free from all time and fear. This moment, and forever more. In love. With love. Being love.

Beautiful of beautifuls! Lovely of lovelies!
Thank you, dear reader, for joining me on this crazy beautiful journey!
I love you.

Kev
XX

0 Comments

Chapter 33: SORRY! Board Conquest, Glitter Blooms, and Beer Cans

Chapter 32: Bbaesh, My Beautiful Lioness & The Existential Shift

Chapter 31: Yogi Sugaldo Smada & Soulmat-ey Shenanigans

Chapter 30: Casio Spies, Tanx, and Stratego-Go!

Chapter 29: Dear Caesar & I's Big Big Sun-Greeting

Author

Archives

Categories