Then something else unlike the former me happened--well, two things actually! I turned my eyes toward Achilles' Last Stand, and became conscious of the fact that we were completely ignoring poor Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle who was already seemingly taking over the gate-keeping duties. That it was to be Andrew and I's job, of course. I stood up and smiled at her, and started walking toward the desk. Dee-Dee smiled very big and warm, and waved me back, gesturing toward Cousin Eddie's garage built of beer cans. Not wanting to shout, I instinctively spoke silently to Dee-Dee, "Are you sure? Andrew and I are the ones that are supposed to be minding the gate."
Then I heard Dee-Dee's voice--in my mind only--"It's okay, Kev. Don't worry. I've got this. Go play with Andrew and the birds." And so apparently Dee-Dee and I had the ability to communicate telepathically! This was amazing and new to me! I've never been able to communicate telepathically with anyone before, other than with Edwin the Bee, my Sister the River, and my cousins the moon and stars. But never with critters. I could communicate sort of telepathically with King Midas LeBottom, but only while using the Dragon's Eye he gave me.
I decided to test this lovely new revelation--and the nature of my relationship with Dee-Dee: "Did you know all along we could communicate this way? And perhaps we're finally beginning to find our purposes?"
And my mind heard Dee-Dee's voice reply clearly, "Well, of course, I did silly! I'm not just gorgeous, you know...I'm intelligent too! Highly intelligent." And she snickered loudly--into my mind. And I snickered into hers, but not so loudly. Then she added--still telepathically, of course-"Yes, I think you're onto something there...we really are starting to find our purposes...but only just beginning. Now go play with Andrew and the boys!" So lovely. My mind thanked her so much, and I knew she could feel me smiling.
I finally sat back down on the grass in front of Cousin Eddie's garage, next to Andrew, and I noticed that the three of them were now speaking a completely different language I had never heard before. "I've never heard this language before...what is it?" I finally asked Andrew.
"It's called Angry Corvid," Andrew replied instantly, "And of course you've never heard it before! It hasn't been spoken in these lands for many ages. The language is generally only been spoken by rude boys from bad neighborhoods, and in certain penitentiaries. It's very not nice! I'm highly disappointed in both of them right now!" Then Andrew sighed, and sort of half-glared at Casey and Cousin Eddie.
Cousin Eddie, my soulmate Raven, knew of course I was wanted to be filled in on what I had missed, and so he explained (in English, of course) "It's been so nice having my dear friend Casey here to play with. We got to talking about the TV show Magnum P.I., and we decided it might be fun to play Magnum P.I. together here in the Sacred Garden. And we already have the remote control helicopter, of course. But we still needed a Ferrari to do it right, so I ordered one from Mitzy. And we dug some costuming supplies out of the Tree House treasure box."
"Well that sounds perfect lovely, Cousin Eddie," I interjected. "I don't see the problem here."
Cousin Eddie wasted no time continuing his story: "Yes. Perfectly lovely indeed!...until--without us even discussing it at all--Casey here decides to put on the Thomas Magnum gear and hop into the Ferrari. Now, I don't mind being T.C.--T.C.'s a badass too--but I don't like that he just assumed he should be Thomas."
Casey the Cardinal interrupted, "I told you, Cousin Eddie, my feathers match the Ferrari perfectly. We were made to be seen together. Fabulousness always wins, you know!"
Then the two corvids started squawking again in Angry Corvid and Andrew shouted at them again--also in Angry Corvid--which I wouldn't repeat here in the story even if I WERE able to translate it. Andrew was right: it's a very nasty language! Nothing at all pleasant or kind about it. Let me tell you that much!
In eventual frustration, Andrew stood up and said sharply (in English, thankfully) "Come on, you rude boys. We're going to settle this the old-fashion way. And there will be no more Angry Corvid spoken in the Sacrred Garden...do you hear me, rude boys?! And take off that costume gear! Cousin Eddie, please get two Nerf guns from the Tree House--and plenty of darts! And meet the rest of us on the Persian rug after that...and no dilly-dallying, please." I had to admit to myself that, even when annoyed, Andrew is such a stunning and fabulous being. Charmingly charming, even while barking out commands. No wonder everyone listens to him so well!
As Cousin Eddie rushed off and disappeared into the bushes, myself, Andrew, and Casey the Cardinal made our way slowly to the Persian rug. I explained telepathically to Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, that we were headed to the Persian rug, and that I'd keep her posted. And that I didn't understand exactly what it was we were doing yet. And Dee-Dee replied telepathically that all was fine at the garden gate, and that she looked forward to hearing what was going on with the Nerf guns.
After arriving at the Persian rug, and while we waited for Cousin Eddie to arrive with the Nerf guns, Andrew flipped through record albums--finally removing a Led Zeppelin record from its sleeve and easing it onto the turntable. "This will do just fine," he said mysteriously, still explaining nothing until Cousin Eddie finally arrived and handed Andrew the two Nerf guns. Andrew took the two guns and loaded three darts into each of them. "Now listen up, rude boys...we're going to have ourselves an old-fashion Quick-draw McGraw-off. Get back to back now boys!" And Casey and Cousin Eddie did so. Then Andrew handed each of the corvids a Nerf gun, quite ceremoniously, looking seriously into their eyes. Then he continued speaking, "When the needle drops, and the music begins to play...10 paces each--no more, no less. Then turn, and fire. Whoever's dart strikes their opponent first gets first choice of characters.
I updated Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle telepathically, and she was anxious to hear who would win. I told her Casey the Cardinal would have an advantage because he was accustomed already to firing his flare gun to Olympus, but also pointed out that Cousin Eddie has particularly quick reflexes--even for a Raven.
The Quick-draw McGraw-off went very quickly, and wasn't nearly as dramatic as one might imagine. It was more silly than anything else, mostly...as one also might imagine. Cousin Eddie did a drop-and-roll sort of thing which caused his darts to fly low, then high, then wide right of his target, Casey the Cardinal. Casey didn't fire a single shot at first, because he was busy laughing at Cousin Eddie's awkward action hero roll. It really was awkward to watch, I had to admit to myself. Casey finally gathered himself, then nonchalantly fired a single dart which bounced shamelessly off of Cousin Eddie's beak. Cousin Eddie banged his wing into the Persian rug shamefully before finally standing up, and quietly admitted defeat.
Casey the Cardinal gloated, "Robin1, you sweet Ferrari, fret no longer; for your lovely Thomas will soon be with you again."
Andrew glared at Casey and quipped, "I guess sportsmanship isn't for the birds after all! You're getting ahead of yourself, Rude Boy Red. Come along boys! It's time to check in at Achilles' Last Stand now and report for duty before the games can begin." Then Andrew shut off the stereo system, and carefully replaced the Led Zeppelin record in its sleeve, and tucked it away in its proper place.
Andrew and the boys were surprised to find that Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle already knew that Casey had won the Quick-draw McGraw-off, and she congratulated him kindly. Cousin Eddie grumbled something under his breath that we will just have to assume was NOT, in fact, Angry Corvid speak. Andrew was very excited to learn that Dee-Dee and I were able to communicate telepathically now. On any other sun-greeting, both Casey and Cousin Eddie would've been happy about this too, but just now they were only chewing on their negative emotions. Andrew gave me a most fabulous hug and congratulated me on my new discovery. "I'm so happy and proud for you, Kev. You're growing up so much! It seems today is a lovely day of learning for many of us." Then Andrew glared at Casey and Cousin Eddie and barked at them, "Come on up, boys! Up! Take your rightful place upon Achilles' Last Stand."
All of us were a bit confused...even Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle shrugged her shoulders at me. And I shrugged mine back at her shrugging shoulders. Casey the Cardinal finally asked, "What are we doing up here?" Then the corvid added, "I won fair and square--I'm Thomas Magnum."
Andrew knelt down on the grass by Casey's side and stroked his beak gently, "You won indeed, dear Rude Boy Red! And for your lovely victory, you get to choose. Now, which will it be? Would you like to be Apollo or Zeus?"
Cousin Eddie and Casey the Cardinal worked very hard to hold in their Angry Corvid speak--and they succeeded. They did, however exclaim in unison, "The LADS?! No! That's not how the game goes!" And they both offered to be T.C. at the same time too. But it was already too late for that. Even the lack of time we have in our beloved Xanadu forest wasn't enough to change their fates now.
"You two, Rude Boy Red, and Rude Boy Black had already decided to be dirty dogs even before the game began," Andrew explained. "And so dirty dogs shall you play in this game. Now do I need to ask you again, Rude Boy Red...it's your choice. Apollo or Zeus?"
Unhappy as the rude boys were, Casey finally answered calmly, sheepishly admitting defeat, "Fine. Zeus...I guess."
"A fine choice indeed, Zeus," Andrew spoke gently, and he stroked Casey's head softly. Then Andrew walked round to the other side of the desk and spoke to Cousin Eddie, "I'm sure, dear Rude Boy Black, you will make a most fabulous Apollo." And Andrew stroked Cousin Eddie's head gently too.
Cousin Eddie accepted his defeat mostly graciously, for the most part, and he even tried to look at the bright side of things,"Well at least we get to hang out with the gorgeous and intelligent Higgins"...referring to Dee-Dee the Turtle, of course. "It could be worse."
Then Andrew winked at me, and I finally knew what to say. "True, hanging out with a gorgeous and intelligent Turtle version of Higgins would be cool...it it were so. But no, my dear soulmate, Cousin Eddie-Apollo...Dee-Dee is no Higgins. She's much too pretty for that. Higgins, as it turns out, and beautifl as 'he' may be, is off teaching a yoga class in Lemmington this particular sun-greeting." Dee-Dee and Andrew chuckled. I may have puffed out my chest a bit, feeling good that I was understanding Andrew's game so well.
"So who is Dee-Dee?" Rude Boy Red finally asked.
"I'm glad you asked, lovely Zeus," I quickly replied, and clarified, "Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle is the damsel in distress, being harassed by the fat squirrels of Walnut St inside the Sacred Pub. Looks as if Thomas and T.C. must go there right away and rescue her." Feeling like I was learning to understand Andrew's methods much better now, I continued on with confidence, "And so now, my dear Andrew, would you prefer to be Thomas or T.C.?"
Andrew smiled, and placed his hand gently upon my shoulder, "It's a tough choice, as both characters are so awesome in their own ways...how about we let Dee-Dee-Dee-cide?"
"Ahh, splendid idea, my dear Andrew," I replied, and I said to Dee-Dee, "Take no worry in making your decision, my gorgeous and intelligent Turtle...for I will be most pleased with either choice you make."
In the end, I was to fly the helicopter, and Andrew was to drive the Ferrari...to the Sacred Pub, of course. We sent Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent damsel in distress ahead, of course...knowing it would take her quite some imaginary time to get there. I used my Dragon's Eye that the good King Midas LeBottom had given me, and learned how to miniaturize Andrew and myself so that we were just the perfect size to operate our respective remote controlled vehicles. It actually took me several tries to get us down to just the right size, but it was good practice for me. I knew, of course, that Andrew could have done this himself on the first try with very little effort--being from Olympus and all--but it was clear to me that this was a sun-greeting of learning--for myself--and for others too!
Andrew and I were very slow in getting into our respective Thomas Magnum and T.C. costumes. Intentionally. It was a nice moment, and neither of us felt any need to rush through it. We caught up on much needed and pleasant conversations from inside the garage Cousin Eddie had built out of beer cans. Andrew assured me that Rude Boy Red and Rude Boy Black would be on their very best behavior as our gatekeepers for the sun-greeting...and likely the moon-greeting too. When I expressed my doubts to him, he finally said, "If they make mischief, then so be it. They can't do anything you and I can't undo, my lovely Kev." It was so comforting when he spoke those words. I smiled, and adjusted the aviation headphones, now securely upon my head.
Before we left on our Magnum P.I. adventures, Thomas decided we should give one more fine example for the rude boys, and he told them, "Now listen up, Lads, Zeus and Apollo! T.C. and I are going to do something very special for you now...as a lesson: though he will be in the helicopter and I'll be in the Ferrari, we are going to switch out remote servos, so that I will control his helicopter, and he will control my Ferrari. This will give you two something to ponder while we are away rescuing the damsel in distress. May minding Kev's Sacred Garden gate teach you to be one, once again, as you always have been until this sun-greeting. Whenever we return from our adventures, I fully expect to find you boys laughing and working together again...and I wish never to have to call you the Rude Boys ever again. Savvy?"
"Savvy," both corvids spoke in unison, no trace of anger in their voices at all. Just a humble gentleness.
And yes, Andrew and I did make it safely to the Sacred Pub. We parked our vehicles outside, and I used my Dragon's Eye to restore us to our normal size. Even as Thomas Magnum, Andrew is glorious and fabulous. By our third Minute Mead, I had finally grown accustomed to the fake mustache he wore above his pouting lips.
And yes, dear readers, we DID rescue the gorgeous and intelligent damsel in distress. And she enjoyed countless Minute Meads too. And no fat squirrels from Walnut St. were externally harmed in the process. The jukebox was nearly overheated by the time my cousin the sun fell asleep, and my other cousin the moon rose to greet us. And lots of boogie-ing ensued.
And a most fabulous and wondrous moon greeting it was!
Lovely of lovelies!
Thank you for joining me on this journey, dear fabulouses.
I love you.