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Chapter 39: Another Return To Olympus

3/19/2018

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I remember when Andrew first came to my Sacred Garden...years ago, when the garden was a much busier place. When he first appeared, we invited him to stay...and so he did. He didn't sleep on the Persian rug in those days, however, and neither did any of us. The Persian rug, back then, was more of a rec room. We most often used it for recording songs, but also it was used for karaoke and playing Nintendo. Twillerbee and I slept in the Royal Bed, of course, Weasel and Mongoose used to sleep in hammocks high up in the trees near the Tree House, and Butterfly and Magpie had a giant nest not too far from the garden gate. Ahh the memories. 

Andrew used to sleep on a chaise lounge lawn chair on the Island of Summer, near the center of the Pond of Fanciness. Yes, for those that recall the old stories, this is the pond with the magic lily pads that make Nintendo sounds when you hop on them to get to the island. At least we thought Andrew slept there. And perhaps he did sometimes. You see, the Island of Summer was not a large island at all...just large enough, in fact, for a few bushes, a chaise lounge lawn chair, and a secret portal. Yes!...a secret portal. Now, Andrew never told us about this portal, of course. I stumbled onto it by accident one time when I went to wake Andrew up. I called his name a few times, and finally poked at him...only to realize he had simply arranged some pillows upon the lawn chair, and covered them with a blanket. And for no good reason I can think of, I decided to look beneath the lawn chair. That's when I noticed a mysterious portal. It was closed, of course. I realized right away that Andrew must use this portal to come and go from the Sacred Garden, but I had no idea where it would lead. 

Eventually Andrew ended up telling me that the portal led to Olympus, and that you had to step on the magic lily pads in a certain sequence in order to open the portal. He did not, however, tell me what that sequence was. [In all honesty, I think I may have finally figured out the sequence, but I'm nervous to try it out. Portals are not to be taken lightly or toyed with--that much I know very well.]

Those were my last sleeping thoughts.

Then I woke upon my Persian rug, not surprised to see that Andrew was no longer there next to me, but disappointed just the same. He was there when we had fallen asleep, and we had fallen asleep to the gentle cadence of our secret slumber party conversations. It's not unlike Andrew to just vanish, so again I was not surprised. And I knew, of course, that this particular sun greeting was Olympus Day..the day that Andrew left Earth for Olympus for the last time in fully corporeal form. Of course Andrew would have to be in Olympus for Olympus Day! They still honor him there each year on Earth's March 19, to mark his most fabulous arrival there. It's a big, big deal, I can only presume. 

I checked my modified Casio calculator communicator watch instinctively as I stood and stretched. There was a message there from Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent turtle, informing me that my beautiful gatekeeper, Madeliene, still had not returned from teaching a yoga class with Sugaldo Smada in Lemmington. Dee-Dee had also sent a second message, letting me know that all was well and good at my Sacred Garden gate, and that I should not feel troubled. I actually felt comfort from that. Then I suddenly remembered that Dee-Dee and I now had the ability the communicate telepathically; so rather than messaging her back on my modified Casio calculator communicator watch, I simply thanked her and wished her a lovely sun greeting--telepathically. She smiled in my mind, and informed me that Andrew had left a glittery envelope for me at Achilles' Last Stand, for whenever I was inclined to receive it. "Purpose, indeed. Lovely," I thought to myself. 

On my way to Achilles' Last Stand, near my Sacred Garden gate, my soulmate, Cousin Eddie the Raven, met me halfway. We walked side by side, and shared pleasant conversation. But not conversation I will share here. Some talk about Van Halen, and transition, mostly. It was a lovely few moments indeed. Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent turtle was genuinely pleased to see me, when Cousin Eddie and I finally arrived at her desk, Achilles' Last Stand. And I was pleased to see her too, of course. Sometimes words are more meaningful when left unspoken, and so none of us spoke at all that moment. But we all felt. And we all felt nice. Dee-Dee handed me the glittery envelope Andrew had left me. I opened it pensively, and found inside a most lovely letter on glittery parchment...and it read as follows:

          "Dearest KeV,

           As you well know, today is Olympus Day in Olympus, and it's a big, big deal. But I also must tell
           you that YOU are a big, big deal, and my friends and family in Olympus wish for you to join us
           for this most lovely #LoveRock occasion. Upon reading this, you should waste no time at all, but
           make your way to the portal on the Island of Summer, and fall into it. I would share the secret
           lily pad code with you, but I know your heart already knows it. We will be waiting for you. Please
           come alone. 

           Love, Landrew"

As I finished folding the lovely invitation, and tucking it back into its glittery envelope, Dee-Dee and Cousin Eddie both smiled at me knowingly. And I smiled back at them. Warmly. Comfortably. Cousin Eddie then tossed me a can of beer, and one to Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent turtle. We three cracked them open in unison, toasted (silently), and chugged them down. And just like that, I was off to Olympus for the first time. Truly, a knew day was upon us all. And my heart was very happy happy for that. 

What happened while I was in Olympus cannot be reported in the open...not that I was forbidden, but that it was an experience that words cannot describe. Melody, perhaps. Someday. 

I remain so grateful. Thank you all, that have been a part of my beautiful journey. Semba.

I love you,
KeV
​XX

            
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Chapter 38b: Heartshine and Hi Jinks Part II

3/7/2018

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I was a bit disappointed that my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine, and Yana the black bear had already taken off for Lemmington without me having said goodbye to them...disappointed in myself, that is, not them. And, while Andrew continued trying to resolve issues between Cousin Eddie and Casey the Cardinal, I considered how feeling disappointed in myself was something new to me. Not so long ago, I would have been disappointed in Madeleine and Yana for leaving without saying goodbye. I might even have become a bit butt-hurt, depending on the moment. So perhaps I really WAS starting to change for the better--at least in some sort of small ways. But still only perhaps. I immediately looked down at the modified Casio communicator watch on my wrist, and sent a message to Madeleine and Yana, apologizing that I had gotten distracted, and neglected to tell them goodbye. And I wished them a most fabulous sun greeting in Lemmington. They both replied with smiley and heart emojis.

Then something else unlike the former me happened--well, two things actually! I turned my eyes toward Achilles' Last Stand, and became conscious of the fact that we were completely ignoring poor Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle who was already seemingly taking over the gate-keeping duties. That it was to be Andrew and I's job, of course. I stood up and smiled at her, and started walking toward the desk. Dee-Dee smiled very big and warm, and waved me back, gesturing toward Cousin Eddie's garage built of beer cans. Not wanting to shout, I instinctively spoke silently to Dee-Dee, "Are you sure? Andrew and I are the ones that are supposed to be minding the gate."

Then I heard Dee-Dee's voice--in my mind only--"It's okay, Kev. Don't worry. I've got this. Go play with Andrew and the birds." And so apparently Dee-Dee and I had the ability to communicate telepathically! This was amazing and new to me! I've never been able to communicate telepathically with anyone before, other than with Edwin the Bee, my Sister the River, and my cousins the moon and stars. But never with critters. I could communicate sort of telepathically with King Midas LeBottom, but only while using the Dragon's Eye he gave me.

I decided to test this lovely new revelation--and the nature of my relationship with Dee-Dee: "Did you know all along we could communicate this way? And perhaps we're finally beginning to find our purposes?"

And my mind heard Dee-Dee's voice reply clearly, "Well, of course, I did silly! I'm not just gorgeous, you know...I'm intelligent too! Highly intelligent." And she snickered loudly--into my mind. And I snickered into hers, but not so loudly. Then she added--still telepathically, of course-"Yes, I think you're onto something there...we really are starting to find our purposes...but only just beginning. Now go play with Andrew and the boys!" So lovely. My mind thanked her so much, and I knew she could feel me smiling.

I finally sat back down on the grass in  front of Cousin Eddie's garage, next to Andrew, and I noticed that the three of them were now speaking a completely different language I had never heard before. "I've never heard this language before...what is it?" I finally asked Andrew.

"It's called Angry Corvid," Andrew replied instantly, "And of course you've never heard it before! It hasn't been spoken in these lands for many ages. The language is generally only been spoken by rude boys from bad neighborhoods, and in certain penitentiaries. It's very not nice! I'm highly disappointed in both of them right now!" Then Andrew sighed, and sort of half-glared at Casey and Cousin Eddie.

Cousin Eddie, my soulmate Raven, knew of course I was wanted to be filled in on what I had missed, and so he explained (in English, of course)  "It's been so nice having my dear friend Casey here to play with. We got to talking about the TV show Magnum P.I., and we decided it might be fun to play Magnum P.I. together here in the Sacred Garden. And we already have the remote control helicopter, of course. But we still needed a Ferrari to do it right, so I ordered one from Mitzy. And we dug some costuming supplies out of the Tree House treasure box."

"Well that sounds perfect lovely, Cousin Eddie," I interjected. "I don't see the problem here."

Cousin Eddie wasted no time continuing his story: "Yes. Perfectly lovely indeed!...until--without us even discussing it at all--Casey here decides to put on the Thomas Magnum gear and hop into the Ferrari. Now, I don't mind being T.C.--T.C.'s a badass too--but I don't like that he just assumed he should be Thomas."

Casey the Cardinal interrupted, "I told you, Cousin Eddie, my feathers match the Ferrari perfectly. We were made to be seen together. Fabulousness always wins, you know!" 

Then the two corvids started squawking again in Angry Corvid and Andrew shouted at them again--also in Angry Corvid--which I wouldn't repeat here in the story even if I WERE able to translate it. Andrew was right: it's a very nasty language! Nothing at all pleasant or kind about it. Let me tell you that much!

In eventual frustration, Andrew stood up and said sharply (in English, thankfully) "Come on, you rude boys. We're going to settle this the old-fashion way. And there will be no more Angry Corvid spoken in the Sacrred Garden...do you hear me, rude boys?! And take off that costume gear! Cousin Eddie, please get two Nerf guns from the Tree House--and plenty of darts! And meet the rest of us on the Persian rug after that...and no dilly-dallying, please." I had to admit to myself that, even when annoyed, Andrew is such a stunning and fabulous being. Charmingly charming, even while barking out commands. No wonder everyone listens to him so well! 

As Cousin Eddie rushed off and disappeared into the bushes, myself, Andrew, and Casey the Cardinal made our way slowly to the Persian rug. I explained telepathically to Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, that we were headed to the Persian rug, and that I'd keep her posted. And that I didn't understand exactly what it was we were doing yet. And Dee-Dee replied telepathically that all was fine at the garden gate, and that she looked forward to hearing what was going on with the Nerf guns. 

After arriving at the Persian rug, and while we waited for Cousin Eddie to arrive with the Nerf guns, Andrew flipped through record albums--finally removing a Led Zeppelin record from its sleeve and easing it onto the turntable. "This will do just fine," he said mysteriously, still explaining nothing until Cousin Eddie finally arrived and handed Andrew the two Nerf guns. Andrew took the two guns and loaded three darts into each of them. "Now listen up, rude boys...we're going to have ourselves an old-fashion Quick-draw McGraw-off. Get back to back now boys!" And Casey and Cousin Eddie did so. Then Andrew handed each of the corvids a Nerf gun, quite ceremoniously, looking seriously into their eyes. Then he continued speaking, "When the needle drops, and the music begins to play...10 paces each--no more, no less. Then turn, and fire. Whoever's dart strikes their opponent first gets first choice of characters. 

I updated Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle telepathically, and she was anxious to hear who would win. I told her Casey the Cardinal would have an advantage because he was accustomed already to firing his flare gun to Olympus, but also pointed out that Cousin Eddie has particularly quick reflexes--even for a Raven. 

The Quick-draw McGraw-off went very quickly, and wasn't nearly as dramatic as one might imagine. It was more silly than anything else, mostly...as one also might imagine. Cousin Eddie did a drop-and-roll sort of thing which caused his darts to fly low, then high, then wide right of his target, Casey the Cardinal. Casey didn't fire a single shot at first, because he was busy laughing at Cousin Eddie's awkward action hero roll. It really was awkward to watch, I had to admit to myself. Casey finally gathered himself, then nonchalantly fired a single dart which bounced shamelessly off of Cousin Eddie's beak. Cousin Eddie banged his wing into the Persian rug shamefully before finally standing up, and quietly admitted defeat.

Casey the Cardinal gloated, "Robin1, you sweet Ferrari, fret no longer; for your lovely Thomas will soon be with you again." 

Andrew glared at Casey and quipped, "I guess sportsmanship isn't for the birds after all!  You're getting ahead of yourself, Rude Boy Red. Come along boys! It's time to check in at Achilles' Last Stand now and report for duty before the games can begin." Then Andrew shut off the stereo system, and carefully replaced the Led Zeppelin record in its sleeve, and tucked it away in its proper place.

Andrew and the boys were surprised to find that Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle already knew that Casey had won the Quick-draw McGraw-off, and she congratulated him kindly. Cousin Eddie grumbled something under his breath that we will just have to assume was NOT, in fact, Angry Corvid speak. Andrew was very excited to learn that Dee-Dee and I were able to communicate telepathically now. On any other sun-greeting, both Casey and Cousin Eddie would've been happy about this too, but just now they were only chewing on their negative emotions. Andrew gave me a most fabulous hug and congratulated me on my new discovery. "I'm so happy and proud for you, Kev. You're growing up so much! It seems today is a lovely day of learning for many of us." Then Andrew glared at Casey and Cousin Eddie and barked at them, "Come on up, boys! Up! Take your rightful place upon Achilles' Last Stand."

All of us were a bit confused...even Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle shrugged her shoulders at me. And I shrugged mine back at her shrugging shoulders. Casey the Cardinal finally asked, "What are we doing up here?" Then the corvid added, "I won fair and square--I'm Thomas Magnum."

Andrew knelt down on the grass by Casey's side and stroked his beak gently, "You won indeed, dear Rude Boy Red! And for your lovely victory, you get to choose. Now, which will it be? Would you like to be Apollo or Zeus?"

Cousin Eddie and Casey the Cardinal worked very hard to hold in their Angry Corvid speak--and they succeeded. They did, however exclaim in unison, "The LADS?! No! That's not how the game goes!" And they both offered to be T.C. at the same time too. But it was already too late for that. Even the lack of time we have in our beloved Xanadu forest wasn't enough to change their fates now. 

"You two, Rude Boy Red, and Rude Boy Black had already decided to be dirty dogs even before the game began," Andrew explained. "And so dirty dogs shall you play in this game. Now do I need to ask you again, Rude Boy Red...it's your choice. Apollo or Zeus?"

Unhappy as the rude boys were, Casey finally answered calmly, sheepishly admitting defeat, "Fine. Zeus...I guess."

"A fine choice indeed, Zeus," Andrew spoke gently, and he stroked Casey's head softly. Then Andrew walked round to the other side of the desk and spoke to Cousin Eddie, "I'm sure, dear Rude Boy Black, you will make a most fabulous Apollo." And Andrew stroked Cousin Eddie's head gently too. 

Cousin Eddie accepted his defeat mostly graciously, for the most part, and he even tried to look at the bright side of things,"Well at least we get to hang out with the gorgeous and intelligent Higgins"...referring to Dee-Dee the Turtle, of course. "It could be worse."

Then Andrew winked at me, and I finally knew what to say. "True, hanging out with a gorgeous and intelligent Turtle version of Higgins would be cool...it it were so. But no, my dear soulmate, Cousin Eddie-Apollo...Dee-Dee is no Higgins. She's much too pretty for that. Higgins, as it turns out, and beautifl as 'he' may be, is off teaching a yoga class in Lemmington this particular sun-greeting." Dee-Dee and Andrew chuckled. I may have puffed out my chest a bit, feeling good that I was understanding Andrew's game so well. 

"So who is Dee-Dee?" Rude Boy Red finally asked.

"I'm glad you asked, lovely Zeus," I quickly replied, and clarified, "Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle is the damsel in distress, being harassed by the fat squirrels of Walnut St inside the Sacred Pub. Looks as if Thomas and T.C. must go there right away and rescue her." Feeling like I was learning to understand Andrew's methods much better now, I continued on with confidence, "And so now, my dear Andrew, would you prefer to be Thomas or T.C.?"

Andrew smiled, and placed his hand gently upon my shoulder, "It's a tough choice, as both characters are so awesome in their own ways...how about we let Dee-Dee-Dee-cide?"

"Ahh, splendid idea, my dear Andrew," I replied, and I said to Dee-Dee, "Take no worry in making your decision, my gorgeous and intelligent Turtle...for I will be most pleased with either choice you make." 

In the end, I was to fly the helicopter, and Andrew was to drive the Ferrari...to the Sacred Pub, of course. We sent Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent damsel in distress ahead, of course...knowing it would take her quite some imaginary time to get there. I used my Dragon's Eye that the good King Midas LeBottom had given me, and learned how to miniaturize Andrew and myself so that we were just the perfect size to operate our respective remote controlled vehicles. It actually took me several tries to get us down to just the right size, but it was good practice for me. I knew, of course, that Andrew could have done this himself on the first try with very little effort--being from Olympus and all--but it was clear to me that this was a sun-greeting of learning--for myself--and for others too! 

Andrew and I were very slow in getting into our respective Thomas Magnum and T.C. costumes. Intentionally. It was a nice moment, and neither of us felt any need to rush through it. We caught up on much needed and pleasant conversations from inside the garage Cousin Eddie had built out of beer cans. Andrew assured me that Rude Boy Red and Rude Boy Black would be on their very best behavior as our gatekeepers for the sun-greeting...and likely the moon-greeting too. When I expressed my doubts to him, he finally said, "If they make mischief, then so be it. They can't do anything you and I can't undo, my lovely Kev." It was so comforting when he spoke those words. I smiled, and adjusted the aviation headphones, now securely upon my head. 

Before we left on our Magnum P.I. adventures, Thomas decided we should give one more fine example for the rude boys, and he told them, "Now listen up, Lads, Zeus and Apollo! T.C. and I are going to do something very special for you now...as a lesson: though he will be in the helicopter and I'll be in the Ferrari, we are going to switch out remote servos, so that I will control his helicopter, and he will control my Ferrari. This will give you two something to ponder while we are away rescuing the damsel in distress. May minding Kev's Sacred Garden gate teach you to be one, once again, as you always have been until this sun-greeting. Whenever we return from our adventures, I fully expect to find you boys laughing and working together again...and I wish never to have to call you the Rude Boys ever again. Savvy?"

"Savvy," both corvids spoke in unison, no trace of anger in their voices at all. Just a humble gentleness. 

And yes, Andrew and I did make it safely to the Sacred Pub. We parked our vehicles outside, and I used my Dragon's Eye to restore us to our normal size. Even as Thomas Magnum, Andrew is glorious and fabulous. By our third Minute Mead, I had finally grown accustomed to the fake mustache he wore above his pouting lips. 

And yes, dear readers, we DID rescue the gorgeous and intelligent damsel in distress. And she enjoyed countless Minute Meads too. And no fat squirrels from Walnut St. were externally harmed in the process. The jukebox was nearly overheated by the time my cousin the sun fell asleep, and my other cousin the moon rose to greet us. And lots of boogie-ing ensued. 

And a most fabulous and wondrous moon greeting it was!

Lovely of lovelies!
Thank you for joining me on this journey, dear fabulouses.

I love you.
Kev
​XX
















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Chapter 38a: Heartshine & High Jinks Part I

2/20/2018

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So many things have changed in my Sacred Garden since I discovered and rediscovered it. And, as I think about it, the entire Xanadu Forest--and even all of Interterrestria--have changed as well. I suppose that would mean that I have changed too...and most likely I have. For the better? I like to think so. 

I found myself thinking these types of things when I woke up next to Andrew on the Persian rug. If he was awake, he didn't let on. I thought about the crazy nights we've had on the Persian rug (it's a very large Persian rug, mind you!--specifically,  the size of fairly large cottage which used to rest on that very place at one time). I thought about our nights of playing music, karaoke, and Tecmo Football on the Nintendo, too. Eventually, my thoughts fluttered away, and I wished a good sun-greeting to Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, who was resting peacefully upon my chest. She popped her little head out of her shell and mentioned what a beautiful sun-greeting it was. And it was indeed! Peaceful, calm, beautiful. 

Dee Dee and I continued in pleasant and quiet conversation until Andrew finally woke up. "Happy sun-greeting, fabulouses!" Andrew shouted, and Dee-Dee was startled a bit. In the blink of an eye, Andrew had fired up the stereo system and was putting on a Ricky Nelson record. Much like Andrew's voice, the record played a bit louder than was really necessary--given that I was still processing being awake. "C'mon Be Bop Babies, let's boogie!" Only Andrew boogied. I stood up and stretched. Dee-Dee just watched him, somewhat fascinated, and she asked me if he was always this loud. I told Dee-Dee that he's often not this quiet, and she chuckled. 

Apparently Andrew's volume had given my beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine the albino Peackock (Peahen), the impression that we were ready to be productive...since I received a message from her almost instantly on my modified Casio communicator watch, asking for me to please report to Achilles' Last Stand (her desk, near the garden gate) at my earliest convenience. And so I placed Dee-Dee upon my shoulder, and headed toward my garden gate. Andrew flipped over the record album and continued to boogie upon the Persian rug.

"Happy sun-greeting, beautiful gatekeeper," I said to Madeleine, as I arrived at her desk, and Dee-Dee greeted her pleasantly as well. I began signing off on the garden gate activity logs. "I see Mitzy dropped off a shipment--ooh, plenty of wine for you, Madeleine! Nice! Now what's this about a remote control Ferrari? Did something happen to Cousin Eddie's patrol jeep?"

Madeleine laughed and asked, "Since when do you actually read the activity logs?"

"Hey, I've turned over a new leaf, beautiful gatekeeper!" I replied, and continued, "I've even been doing my Xanaduvian language homework all by myself. Just ask Caw Caw Carl or dear Caesar Emeritus!"

"Well, good for you, Mr. Kev," Madeleine quipped, and added, "It's nice to imagine you actually growing up a bit, isn't it? As to the remote control Ferrari, you'd have to ask Cousin Eddie about that. I was working on the online Andrew Wood forum for the fairies when he requested it, so I was only half-listening. He said something about Casey the Cardinal and Magnum P.I. is all I recall. As far as I know, the patrol jeep is fine." Madeleine typed a bit more on her laptop, crunched on a kale chip, and finally said, "And yes, Mr. Kev, you know I love my wine. But that's not why I called you up here. Sugaldo Smada is teaching a class in Lemmington and he's kindly asked me if I would be his teaching assistant--just for the one class is all. It's quite an honor, you know."

"is that the yoga monkey dude?" I asked.

"Yes, the yogi master," Madeleine corrected me, and she continued, "So I need you to tend the garden gate while I'm away, if you don't mind." 

I answered, "I'd be happy to, Madeleine, but there are strict rules prohibiting me from being my own gatekeeper."

"Yes, I'm well aware of that Mr. Kev," my beautiful gatekeeper said--a bit terse, truth be told. "I thought, since Andrew is here now, that he could sort of be the official gatekeeper...and of course you could hang out with him. There's no rule against that, you know."

Just then, Andrew appeared in front of Achilles' Last Stand, and grabbed a handful of kale chips from a bowl next to Madeleine's laptop. "Captain Hi Top, Love Master of ceremonies, and Gatekeeper in Waiting, reporting for duty, lovely Madeleine!" Andrew exclaimed, then crunched his kale chips and saluted my beautiful gatekeeper." Both Madeleine and Dee-Dee snickered a bit at that, and we all shared a nice smile. "This will be fun!" Andrew finally added, and he sat down at the desk next to Madeleine. Then he started tapping away at keys on Madeleine's laptop. 

Madeleine didn't seem to like that at first. "Easy there, handsome," she said to him, and then, "This computer's quite different from the ones you used to play with. See, darling? That's it, yes. Just move the mouse like so and click there. Wow! You're a fast learner!" 

I tried very hard not to roll my eyes (not sure I succeeded) when I finally interrupted, "I'm not sure we're really going to need to use the computer, Madeleine." I might have been a bit jealous, in all honesty...as my beautiful gatekeeper never speaks to ME that way. Handsome? Darling? Fast Learner? I guess being from Olypmus has its perks. Andrew obviously picked up on my energy, for he smiled and winked knowingly at me when Madeleine wasn't looking. His wink told me telepathically that he was just setting us up so that we could screw around on her laptop while she was away. Certainly he had something playfully sinister planned. I laughed silently behind my beautiful gatekeeper's back. Such a clever darling Andrew is! This was indeed going to be a fun sun-greeting! And so I munched on a few kale chips and let Madeleine and Andrew "bond."

Just then, Yana the Black Bear (Vanya's neice. Vanya, for new readers, is a massively massive Brown Bear, and head of the Xanadu Forest Mafia) arrived at the garden gate. "Well hello there, guys! How's tricks?" Yana exclaimed. Yana blew and popped a bubble gum bubble as she entered my Sacred Garden and approached Achilles' Last Stand. After that, Yana gave me a peck on the cheek and told me, "Nice to see you, handsome." 

Before I could tell Yana any of the things I wanted to tell her, my beautiful gatekeeper interrupted, "Hey, Yana! I'm just about ready. Did you bring your yoga pants?"

"Wait a minute!" I exclaimed in Madeleine's direction, "You're taking Yana with you to Lemmington?"

"Well I'm not walking all the way to Lemmington by myself, you know, Mr. Kev," Madeleine replied. "Besides, she's been getting bored at her uncle's lair, and I thought she might enjoy the Yoga. "You're not jealous, are you?" Madeleine finally asked me.

Since there IS actually a rule about lying to your gatekeeper, I was forced to admit that I was--"But only a little bit," I assured everyone present. Then I added, "But it's not just that, my beautiful gatekeeper. You DO remember what happened when I took Yana to Lemmington the first time? How she blew up a fireworks stand and tortured and strapped a poor Lemming to a tree? And how we had to run and flee the angry mob of Lemmings?"

"He was a little pervert!" Yana shouted. "I'm not fond of little perverts trying to look up my skirt! Even if it IS just a weak Lemming." 

"Good for YOU, Yana!" shouted Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, and Yana and Dee-Dee high-five'd one another. Andrew just looked over at me, and smiled and shrugged his shoulders. 

Madeleine interjected immediately, "Yes, Kev, I remember. It'll be fine, I'm sure. Yana was new to the forest then. She's much more reserved now. She's promised me to be on her best behavior."

Yana nodded in confirmation, then she looked at me and took my hand. "I'm no angel, Kev, but I've made a promise to Madeleine, and I don't break my promises, darling--for good OR for bad. I'm an honorable misfit. I'll be good." Then Yana smiled warmly, and gave me another peck on the cheek. Then she added, "If you'll trust me sweetie, and promise not to worry, I'll bring you back a fabulous gift from Lemmington Square. And yes, I'll pay for it!" Then Yana laughed, as did we all.

"I promise," I smiled, and gave Yana a tight bear hug.

Just as Madeleine had finished giving her final gatekeeper instructions to Andrew, we all turned and looked toward the little garage Cousin Eddie had built out of beer cans...for there was much squawking going on. It was Casey the Cardinal and Cousin Eddie, of course! As I approached the garage, the two corvids came into view, seemingly engaged in some sort of heated debate. 

Andrew appeared in front of me, and plopped down on the ground, looking into the garage. "Boys, boys!" He shouted. The squawking stopped immediately, and the two corvids both greeted him. Then Andrew asked Casey the Cardinal, "What's with the crazy get ups?" I finally noticed Casey was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a Detroit Tigers' cap, and large sunglasses (the sort of sunglasses my dad or one of his friends would wear). Further, I noticed that Cousin Eddie, my soulmate Raven, was wearing a pair of large aviation headphones, complete with a microphone. I paused to look over at Achilles' Last Stand, which was by now abandoned--aside from Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle. Madeleine and Yana had already left. 

And that was how our sun-greeting of Heartshine and high jinks began. Andrew Wood of Olympus, my third angel, now also my gatekeeper. What could possibly go wrong?

Thank you all for humoring me and being a part of my life's journey.
Beautiful of beautifuls!
I love you.

​XX


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Chapter 37: A Day Of Leisure & A Tale For Dear Caesar

1/17/2018

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It was a pleasant feeling waking up close to Andrew once again upon the Persian Rug in my Sacred Garden. I didn't wake up next to him, however...as I actually woke to the sound of a personal keyboard serenade. Ahh yes, the classic "Sepic Strings" setting which became one of Andrew's favorite settings. Yes, dear reader, it was supposed to be called "Epic Strings," but Andrew's keyboard was ancient and broken in some ways--the right sort of ways. It was nice to see his keyboard on the Persian 
Rug again like our old days in my Sacred Garden, but I also hoped in all of hopes that Andrew wasn't sneakily trying to manipulate me into performing music again. Of all the things I still have to learn about myself, one thing I knew for sure was that I was nowhere near ready to make music again on any level. Gratefully, Andrew made no mention of making music at all, just played his lovely serenade as I stretched and greeted the sun and trees.

I greeted Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle too, as the corner of my eye caught her popping her head out of her shell. And she smiled, then I stroked her head gently and placed her upon my shoulder. I thanked Andrew for the lovely serenade and suggested we take a short stroll into the beloved Xanadu Forest, and recalled vocally that Andrew had never tried the wonderful Ptolemy-ce Cream that Ptolemy the gentle Boxer had been selling for quite some measure of time now, from just outside the Record Emporium. 

Andrew seemed to like my suggestion very much. And so it would be. And it was only dozens of steps later that we were at Achilles' Last Stand, checking in with Madeleine the albino Peacock (Peahen), my beautiful gatekeeper. Madeleine seemed happy when we found her...she was tapping away on her laptop, munching away on kale chips, and sipping on a glass of orange juice. I signed off on the garden gate activity logs, and Madeleine talked Andrew into posing for a couple pictures with her that she would share on her now quite famous Fairy Forum. Andrew quietly walked off and sat down cross-legged in front of Edwin the Bee's lotus flower, and the two of them conversed softly so that I couldn't hear what they were saying. I told Madeleine that Andrew and I were going for a stroll in the Xanadu Forest and to get some Ptolemy-ce Cream. And that we might pick through some record albums too. She asked if I might be willing to pick up the new U2 album for her, and I told her, of course, that I would be most happy to. And so it would be. It was a gentle and peaceful moment of clarity for me, for whatever lovely reason. And I was most grateful for it.

Before Andrew and I left my Sacred Garden for our stroll, we tracked down Cousin Eddie and Casey the Cardinal, who were enjoying each other's company very much, and very much as Andrew and I were enjoying ours. It felt as though the two corvids were also cognizant of the special presence of this moment, which was feeling ever more like the old days in my Sacred Garden--from the era when I used to call it 'OUR" Sacred Garden. When Casey wore his utility belt, carried his Hello Kitty walkie-talkie, and patrolled the garden either in his remote control patrol jeep or his remote control patrol copter. Yes, dear reader, Casey the Cardinal, Andrew's companion from Olympus, was once in charge of Sacred Garden security at a time when it was actually needed. But I digress.

Ptolemy the gentle Boxer, and T-Yay the record Retriever were quite happy to see Andrew and I, of course, as Andrew and I were happy to see them. But, it seemed, and with good reason, the two canines were even a bit happier to see Andrew than they were me. I was actually happy to see that. It's amazing what a difference the simple presence of such a special being makes in one's surroundings, even if they speak very little. Perhaps that's what makes them so special?

The Ptolemy-Ce Cream flavor of the day was Butternut Sherbet Crunch, and we all enjoyed a scoop or two of it immensely upon waffle cones. Eventually we made our way inside the Record Emporium, and Andrew wasted no time at all flipping through records upon the warm mahogany shelves. He found a copy of an old T. Rex album he enjoyed "too much--once, in another time" as he said. T-Yay and Andrew discussed T. Rex at length, while Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle located the new U2 record for Madeleine. I held up my waffle cone so that Dee-Dee could enjoy a few licks of it. She seemed to enjoy it. And then she spotted the Duran Duran section and asked if she might pick out a record too. I told her that she could, of course, and she chose an EP of theirs with rare mixes. This made Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, very happy! Which made ME very happy! 

I picked out a Van Halen record for my soulmate, Cousin Eddie the Raven, even though it was an album with Sammy Hagar on it. I knew, of course, Cousin Eddie was not a fan of the Sammy Hagar era Van Halen on the whole, but T-Yay pointed out there was at least one song on this album Cousin Eddie would like very much. And I've learned to trust T-Yay's judgment when it comes to music, as he's quite quite savvy in such things. There's a reason he runs the Record Emporium, you know! For my part, I decided to pick out Styx's second album. It would be an interesting one for sure, my heart was sure. 

After we left the Record Emporium and said our farewells to Ptolemy the gentle Boxer and T-Yay the record Retriever, Andrew and I decided to part ways. My heart was feeling a need to visit dear Caesar Emeritus, the Baloo-eyed Akita and master and caretaker of the Library Tree near the center of our beloved Xanadu Forest. Andrew decided he was going to Prince Rodrick's Fun Fun Zone to play some video games while dear Caesar Emeritus and I caught up with one another. I asked Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent turtle whether she would like to join dear Caesar and I in the Library Tree, or whether she would enjoy playing video games with Andrew at the Fun Fun Zone. Dee-Dee had never played arcade games before, she said, so she decided to go with Andrew. And so I stroked Dee-Dee's head gently, and placed her upon Andrew's shoulder. Andrew gathered all of our record selections and said he and Dee-Dee would drop the records off with Madeleine on their way to Prince Rodrick's. And I soon found myself, happily, inside the Library Tree.

Dear Caesar, as always, was very gracious, kind, and happy to see me. He congratulated me on the hard work I had been doing of late with the Xanaduvian language homework packets he had been providing me with. We discussed at length how I was entering a new phase of understanding of the ancient Xanaduvian language. Namely how there were different eras of it, and how I was beginning to be able to tell the difference. And how certain eras of the ancient Xanaduvian language were even impacted by languages from other planets and dimensions. I was still very hesitant and unsure of myself on many of the pages, dear Caesar Emeritus decided, but he was very proud of my effort overall. And he was careful to point out that I really was making genuine progress. 

Eventually, dear Caesar asked if he might join me upon the Love Seat (a large, heart-shaped couch in the center of the Library Tree) for a good story session. He had been missing my stories, he confided, and decided he would like to know more about Styvendrake--and the Gliridescetan River Wolves as a whole, if I were willing. "But of course, my dear Ceasar Emeritus! I would be honored to!" I exclaimed, and patted my hand a few times upon the Love Seat. Dear Caesar wasted no time at all in joining me for some happy happy belly rubs, then I lie back, and the Balloo-eyed Akita, lie down next to me, resting his massive head upon my belly...so that I could scratch his head and ears while sharing a tale with him. And we went on...

     "So you'll recall, of course, the day and moon greetings you and I spent with the good King Midas LeBottom, in his cottage atop Dew Mound. The mysterious stories we shared...but that also there were some things he said I could share if I wanted to, but that I didn't have to. Because, see, some of these tales must be kept very secret in many cases. Even in the safety of our blessed Xanadu Forest, there are things that could awaken dangerous and dark spirits, and bring evil to our lands."

At that point, I was suddenly reminded that the GARCOM was on inside the Library Tree, and so I spoke more loudly in the direction of the intercom, "Madeleine?!! Are you there?!!"

"Yes, Mr. Kev, I've been listening in," my beautiful gatekeeper replied, via the GARCOM. And she added, "You have me so intrigued, Kev. May I listen in too, or do I need to turn off the intercom?" Dear Caesar and I discussed it at length and decided it was okay for Madeleine to listen in, so long as no one else was with her in listening distance from Achilles' Last Stand. Madeleine was using her headphones, she said, and assured us she was alone, aside from Edwin the Bee, who of course already knows ALL things. And she agreed that should anyone come near her, even though she was using headphones, she would mute the GARCOM until they left the area. So we all agreed this was satisfactory. And so the tale (and head and ear scratching) went on...

     "And you'll recall, of course, in former times--long before you arrived in our blessed Xanadu Forest--I lived in my Sacred Garden with Raven, Twillerbee, Cousin Eddie, Styvendrake (the River Wolf, and his wife Duchess), Butterfly, Weasel, Mongoose, Magpie, Casey the Cardinal (head of garden security), Oread the Mountain Lion, and Freddy the Frog ever standing as a sentinel upon the dock of his Pond of Fanciness. And Edwin the Bee, of course! And Andrew would come and go, but always there was lots of his things left behind upon my Persian Rug, which is where we used to record songs together, and rehearse for shows at the Sacred Pub. And we had a Royal Bed--with a canopy--and the boys (Weasel & Mongoose) had hammocks beneath the tree house, and the girls (Butterfly & Magpie) had a giant bird's nest upon the ground--and a table and chairs for tea parties. It was a happy and magical time of beauty for all of us, you would correctly imagine.

But even in the safety of our Sacred Garden, we all still had much to learn, and we weren't yet immune from darkness. And so a time came when I had to leave on a lengthy journey...to destroy the darkness that still hid within me, that was finding its way into the others as well. I was made to know that when and IF I finally returned to our Sacred Garden, it was likely some or all of them would be gone. The eve of the moon greeting that I was to leave, Styvendrake went alone with me to a secret place in the Xanadu Forest near my sister the River (though I didn't know then, of course, the River was my sister--this knowledge was something that came as the result of my most dreaded journey away from my happy place). Styvendrake, the Gliridescetan River Wolf shared much sacred knowledge of the ages with me as we built a campfire out of Gale's Dude Ranch CD's...don't ask, please! Those CD's aren't pertinent to the story--nor to anything at all--which is why we burned them lol. 

Anyway, at a point during Styvendrake and I's secret meeting, the River Wolf began removing items from a burlap sack--things I would need on my dreaded journey away from our Sacred Garden. He performed a sacred ritual on me...which is to say he bit down on my forearm--hard enough to break the skin and muscle, but not enough to crush the bone--a ritual I was told was called a Mercy Bite, or a Mercy Wound...a  magical mark upon me that would never completely heal. And also, the Mercy Wound would glow different colors at different times, for different reasons. Ultimately, the wound was not only intended to keep my focus on my journey (as opposed to my Sacred Garden and loved ones I would miss immensely), but also to protect me from wicked spirits in dark places my journey would eventually take me. See, the Mercy Wound is a mark recognized throughout the universes that alerts others that you have been in the presence of River Wolves--and lived! And this is no small thing! To good spirits, the mark makes you their immediate friend and they are more eager to help you. To the wicked spirits, it makes them fear you--for they know you have been adopted--and therefore are protected by the River Wolves. In a word, Styvendrake gave me the spirit of a River Wolf that special moon greeting before the fire. It was akin to him making me his and Duchess' son. Very much like that.

Now there are many parts of my journey I could tell you, but I'm going to leave them out for now, for the sake of brevity. You have a habit of falling asleep during my stories, you know, dear Ceasar lol! 

With that, dear Ceasar Emeritus lifted up his massive head and exclaimed, "Oh, dear Kev, I'm not falling asleep for this one for sure! This is most riveting! Do go on, please." I smiled and gave dear Caesar a few more head and ear scratches, and continued...

     "So eventually I made my way to a place very far north in Flatlandia...to a secret passage at the base of Mt. Nol. You might remember when good King Midas LeBottom guided you and I through those lands, he led us very quickly past that area...that was no accident. For the good King knows of this secret passage, and the evil that lie beneath the mountain. If you recall the stain glass stairs that Donovan sang of in his song, inside that secret passage beneath Mt. Nol is where they are. Those were the very steps I had to take on my journey...a long, long journey--all the way down, and down yet more, until you finally reach a place not far from the core of Interterrestria. But now I must tell you that I didn't go alone. This is something I've never told anyone before--not even good King Midas LeBottom. Edwin the Bee knows, of course, even though I haven't told Him--because He knows everything.

See, as my journey took me near the dark, secret passage, I met a woman--a humanoid creature, much like myself--except a woman, of course. We were happy to have found one another, we smiled, laughed, and shared stories. Eventually I ended up telling her of my Sacred Garden and the loved ones I missed tremendously...and the dreaded journey I ended up having to take in order to destroy the darkness still hidden within me. The woman's heart was broken when I told her my tale, and she vowed to complete my journey with me. I explained to her that it was impossible for her to continue further with me, despite her kind and loving gesture--for it was a dangerous place, filled with wicked spirits, and she would be consumed with irreversible darkness and madness for sure. But this mysterious and beautiful woman was absolutely insistent, and even more stubborn that myself, if you can believe that! You see, I was protected because of my Mercy Wound Styvendrake had given me, and a cloak of River Wolf fur as well. And even with those powerful items, there was still no guarantee I would be able to complete my journey. And the beautiful woman had no protection at all from the wicked spirits that would surely enter her mind, drive her to madness, and eventually possess her very soul. She remained unwavering, and she told me she believed she would be safe so long as I was protected and she were holding my hand. I was her protection, she stated. She told me her heart spoke to her as much. And she promised to never let go of my hand at any point inside the dark caverns. She wasn't even concerned when I explained about the narrowness of the stain glass stairs--for the stairway wasn't even wide enough for us to walk side by side. We would have to journey down, you see, staggered, with her in front of me (for I did not trust her safety without being able to see her, and I had to watch our steps carefully. After warning her once more about the evil spirits within, I finally caved, and agreed to let her join me. I restated that under no circumstances should she let go of my hand, and we both agreed to tie our hands together fairly tightly--for safety. And, she agreed, when I told her I would be watching her carefully all the way down...and if she showed even the slightest sign of madness from the wicked spirits, we were turning around, and I would be completing the journey alone. The beautiful and mysterious woman reminded me again that I was her protection, she had no doubt. And so we finally descended. 

And yes, dear Caesar, we made it all the way down to the bottom with little trouble. The spirits were there yes, we could both feel them. And we were not afraid. For we could also feel their immense fear of my Mercy Wound, and the cloak of River Wolf fur I wore. The wicked spirits were angry and hissing the whole way as we descended, but they were unable to penetrate our hearts or minds, or harm us at all in any way. And what I didn't tell the mysterious, beautiful companion--because I didn't know myself--was that we were to die. Literally. But, that if all went as I prayed, we would be reborn as new beings of the Light--the Light of the ancient Xanaduvian Dragon Lords.

See, there was a large lake before us when we finally reached the bottom of the stained glass staircase...only it wasn't a lake of water--it was a lake of Dragon's blood! In fact, it was the blood of the wicked dragon himself (whom we cannot name--not even in the safety of our beloved Xanadu Forest), the former Captain, who had turned against the Dragon Lord Dayne (Yes, the father of Cristobal the Animal King), and began a rebellion which led to the Dragon Wars. And, you might recall, dear Ceasar, that good King Midas LeBottom is the one who had slain the wicked Dragon we cannot name. 

Now, next to the shore of the Dragon's blood lake, there was a small chest. The mysterious beautiful woman instinctively opened the chest, and inside it were two silver chalices. It was that moment we both understood we were to drink from the lake. The woman and I spoke no words, for also our hearts knew that any words at all from us could awaken the wicked Dragon that had been slain, and now lie somewhere near us beneath the mountain...somewhere in the darkness beyond our vision. And so we removed the silver chalices gently--and silently--and dipped them into the lake and filled them only half-way. And then we held our chalices high--as a silent toast--but also to carry our prayers for rebirth higher and higher until they might reach the One, and that the One might have mercy upon us. And our bodies became light, and our eyes became heavy...and we smiled knowingly at one another once more, and lie down next to one another upon the cold and damp rocks. And we fell into slumber. And finally died. Hand in hand. We felt each other's final heartbeats as life left us--and it was a beautiful and comforting thing to feel. No pain or fear at all. Only Love.

And, of course, you know we woke again, since I am here to tell you this story, dear Caesar, if you are still awake, lol!

Dear Caesar lifted his massive head immediately, and exclaimed, "Of course I'm awake, dear Kev! How could one sleep during THAT story?! Simply and truly lovely, Mr. Kev. But now I cannot help but ask, whatever became of that mysterious beautiful woman? Did you two part ways? Did you ever see her again?"

And so I concluded my tale for dear Caesar Emeritus, and gave him more head and ear scratches...

     Well, of course, we had no idea how long we lie dead beneath Mt. Nol, next to the lake of Dragon's blood. It might have been just moments, or it might have been ages. But born again we were, and it was a happy and seemingly effortless climb back up the stained glass stairway. The wicked spirits paid us no mind at all...they felt completely defeated--they had not even the strength to hiss angrily at us as we ascended. The beautiful mysterious woman, and my companion in death, and I, untied our hands, hugged one another, and parted ways shortly after we left the foothills of Mt. Sol. Never to see one another again, we believed. But Fate is a funny thing, and we would eventually find one another again--albeit in a much different form and circumstance. You, my dear Caesar, know this beautiful woman too! But you and I now know her as Madeleine, the albino Peacock (Peahen), my beautiful gatekeeper! How's that for the end of a fabulous tale, my lovely Emeritus?! 

Dear Caesar Emeritus was so elated to have heard this tale for him, that I do believe he nearly purred as I scratched his massive head and ears once again. "Truly lovely, Kev. Dear Kev. Thank you."

Before dear Caesar and I fell asleep upon the Love Seat, I showed him the magical looking ring upon the middle finger of my right hand. "See, this, my dear Emeritus?" I asked. And I answered, "I saved a bit of the Dragon's blood lake so that I would never forget the time I died and was reborn. We used to have a jewelry maker here in the beloved Xanadu Forest named Bannu, a lovely Bird of Paradise from Ulibam...I had him make the Dragon's blood into a gem--the one upon this ring. Madeleine has no memory of these events, because she did not take any of the Dragon's blood with her. So she only knows of herself as an albino Peacock (Peahen). Until now, of course, lol!!!"

Madeleine wasted no time at all in replying from the GARCOM intercom, "So so lovely, Mr. Kev. Thank you for letting me hear. Fate is indeed a funny and beautiful thing! You two have a most lovely nap! I love you!"

"I love you too, beautiful gatekeeper, and thank you for listening," I semi-shouted in the direction of the 
GARCOM. Then dear Caesar Emeritus and I fell into the loveliest of lovely slumbers upon the Love Seat in the midst of the Library Tree, in the midst of our beloved and blessed Xanadu Forest.

Life is beautiful beautiful
So gratefully grateful.
Thank you, dear lovelies, for joining me on this journey.
I love you.
​XX


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Chapter 36c: I Have Two Kev's...One For Each Of You Part III

12/28/2017

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We're going to handle character dialogue in this chapter the same as we did in Parts I and II of Chapter 36, which is to say their words will be color coded rather than using quotation marks...again, so that we don't have to deal with the "he said," and "then she replied..." stuff. I'm copying and pasting the color chart now from part I so you don't have to remember or leave the page. Remember if you're reading this on a mobile device, you can scroll all the way to the bottom of the page and switch to "WEB" instead of the default "MOBILE" to see the text in their respective colors (the text will all be black with a white background if you don't change this setting).

Kev will speak in Purple
My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, the Albino Peacock (Peahen) will speak in White
Kev with a turtle on his shoulder will speak in Orange
Dee-Dee the Turtle (upon Kev's shoulder) will speak in Blue
Both Cousin Eddie's will speak in Red
Olga the bartender fairy will speak in Yellow
Edwin the Bee will speak in the same Green as the general story-telling segments

So as the two Me's and the not-yet-drunk Cousin Eddie approached the Sacred Pub, we discussed much strategy...for Olga the bartender fairy is a powerful spirit, and easily perturbed. And, of course, we already had the disadvantage of Olga being already perturbed even before our arrival...due to the other Cousin Eddie--the drunk Cousin Eddie--already being well-inebriated and causing much trouble in Olga's Sacred Pub. We weren't sure we should show Olga right off as we entered that there were two Me's and two Cousin Eddie's. We would ease her into it. Yes. That was our objective. So ultimately we decided to enter the Sacred Pub single file with Me, with the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee upon my shoulder, in front. And the other Me, without the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee upon my shoulder, would sort of hide behind me. And the non-drunk Cousin Eddie would sort of hide behind the Me without Dee-Dee upon my shoulder. Then Dee-Dee and I would head straight to the bar and greet Olga the bartender fairy most kindly and order a couple Minute Meads...as a distraction. As we did that, the other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie would nonchalantly--but sort of quickly-make a quick right to the billiards and darts, where we knew, of course, the drunk Cousin Eddie would be found causing mischief. Timing would be critical here, but it was a fairly busy moon greeting at the Sacred Pub, so that was in our favor. It seemed a good plan, with a high chance for success. 

As I approached the bar, I maintained a careful pace, keeping a subtle eye on the other Me's and Cousin Eddie's approach toward the dart board...where the drunk Cousin Eddie was spotted plucking darts from the fur of a few fat squirrels from Walnut St.--and dabbing their foreheads lovingly with slices of pumpernickel. Oh boy. Not a good sign. The other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie were approaching the drunk Cousin Eddie quickly now, so I upped my pace instantly, and shouted a hearty and loving "Hello!" to Olga even while I remained a good distance from the bar. It seemed to work. She didn't seem to notice the other Me and non-drunk Cousin Eddie. *whew* 

Well, well! So lovely to see you, Mr. Kev! And who's your fabulous friend?

Oh, this is Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle. We met just past the border into Flatlandia, and we decided to find our purposes together. Which means, for the moment, could we please have two pints of Minute Mead for us, and two pints of After Ale for the momentarily problematic Cousin Eddie? And I assure you we'll get him out of here shortly. I'm so sorry for the trouble, sweet Olga. 

Welcome to my Sacred Pub, gorgeous and intelligent Dee-Dee. Enjoy. And, by the way, Mr. Kev, which one?

Ahh, just the perfect amount of foam as always, sweet Olga. Thank you! Wait...what which one? 

Which Cousin Eddie, of course, you fool! I may not be the youngest fairy in the forest, but my eyes still work just fine! I called you here to get mischief out of my Sacred Pub, and instead you bring me more mischief. Have you been playing with your Dragon's Eye again? 

No! I mean, yes, of course...I use my Dragon's Eye all the time. But no, it's nothing like that. Whatever do you mean?

Thankfully, my other Me, the one without a gorgeous and intelligent Turtle on my shoulder, also being Me, was onto our cover being blown...and he had the sense to hide beneath one of the pool tables. That bought me another sentence or two with Olga. But unfortunately, the drunk Cousin Eddie, once he'd finished apologizing to (paying off the fat squirrels of Walnut St.), for no apparent reason, decided to drag the other Me out from under the pool table. The game was lost at that point. There was nothing left at that point but to rely upon Olga's mercy. The other Me and both Cousin Eddie's made their way toward the bar sheepishly. Drunk Cousin Eddie hopped up onto the bar and chugged down a pint of After Ale. 

I have two Kev's...one for each of you!

Foolishness of foolishnesses! There's only ONE of me, you mischievous bird! Keep your beak shut...after you drink that other After Ale! And you can have your jeep back the next sun-greeting...or whenever you wake up--whichever comes first. Which I hope is much, much longer! And I expect this sort of thing from Cousin Eddie, but you, Kev, I'm very disappointed in you. What did I tell you about bringing sorcery into my Sacred Pub?

It's not like that, sweet Olga. Look. I brought this notebook, see? None of us have any idea why there are two Me's and two Cousin Eddie's...we actually came here hoping to find some answers. We're as disturbed by this as you...if not more. We didn't do this, I swear.

There's nothing here but a good and bad column--and you haven't even written down anything under the bad column. Unlike you, I'm no fool. You're enjoying this aren't you, you adorable fool?! How do you expect to solve this problem if you're just busy enjoying your own company?

Hey, umm, other Me, can you stay here with Dee-Dee and the non-drunk Cousin Eddie, and the notebook? I need to take drunk Cousin Eddie back to the Sacred Garden. 

Sure, no problem at all. We're in this together, right, Me? As long as you admit to me that YOU are the other Me--not me. 

Fine. I'm the other Me. Whatever. I'll see you guys shortly. Please try and find some answers while you're here? Thank you. 

That finally settled, I patted Dee-Dee the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle on the head gently, and placed her on the other Me's shoulder (please don't tell Me that I referred to him as the other me). Then I placed the drunk Cousin Eddie on my shoulder and we left the Sacred Pub for my Sacred Garden. Edwin the Bee seemed to be sound asleep upon his Lotus flower as we approached the garden gate, so I entered the gate quietly, and placed the now snoozing Cousin Eddie in his little garage made out of beer cans. He was so adorable like this. My lovely little soulmate. So precious. I kissed two of my fingers and tapped them on his little beak, then approached Achilles' Last Stand to talk to my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine. 

Well, at least you've got one of the drunk Cousin Eddie's home now. I can't imagine it will be long before Olga messages me about another drunk Cousin Eddie. Did you figure anything out while you were at the Sacred Pub?

Umm, no, not really, Madeleine. But I sort of wanted to talk to you about this...while we're alone, I mean. I'm the Kev with the turtle on his shoulder, by the way, but Dee-Dee stayed behind at the Sacred Pub. 

You sound so somber, Kev. What gives?

Well...I know I haven't been taking this whole, um...situation very seriously. And trust me, I know it's a big deal--a serious problem we have to figure out. And I guess I just sort of want to apologize to you. I know when I get like this it frustrates you. I know I'm a pain in the ass, I really do. And I know I don't admit it very often, but I know. Tuning it out is, uhh...sort of my coping mechanism. And, of course, you know I never lack for confidence--

No, Kev, you never lack for confidence...and you never will, haha. I'm sure of that. Honestly, though, that's a great quality you have in that. And yes, it annoys the hell out of me sometimes, but mostly I admire it, in all sincerity. And now it's MY turn to tell YOU something I don't say often enough: you, Mr. Kev, are the one that taught me that kind of unshakable confidence...the very kind of confidence that allows me to be a proper gatekeeper for you. Though I rarely speak of it, I always think of it. And I'm always grateful for it. Grateful to be here in your Sacred Garden. Grateful for all of it. YOU are the one who showed me to be strong. I thought I was strong before, but I wasn't. I was only pretending. You showed me how to actually BE strong, instead of just pretending. 

Aww, beautiful gatekeeper, please don't make me cry, lol. I don't want to cry right now. *sniff, sniff* And you are truly a perfect and beautiful gatekeeper for me. And thank you. I am grateful too...for all of it. I'm happy and truly honored to have you here in my Sacred Garden. As to the two Me's...and the two Cousin Eddie's, I just wanted to say that if I'm being completely honest--with myself AND with you--and I truly am right now--that as much as I recognize this is a big problem, there's also a big part of me that...that, umm...

Say no more, Mr. Kev. I understand, I really do. Look, I know well how so many that were seemingly your everythings all ended up going away. You've had to let them all go against your will. You've had to find a way to keep on living without them...and not only living, but living a happy and content life. I know those moments when you've had to battle loneliness...sometimes even something very close to despair. But guess what?! You've allowed your heart to bend and crack a bit, but you've never let it break all the way. You actually did it, you adorable pain in the ass! You've always found a way; you've always overcome. And now suddenly--out of nowhere--your TRUE everything magically comes into your life...YOU! Have you finally met your match?...pun intended, of course, lol. Are you strong enough to let YOU go? How could you possibly send your very self away? And if you did, would that finally do you in? Would that be the thing that finally, truly breaks your heart? 

*Sniff, sniff* I asked you to not make me cry....lol. *sniff sniff* Thank you, Madeleine, my beautiful beautiful gatekeeper. I honestly never knew you understood me so well. I think you might understand me even better than me. Thank you again. We'll fix this mess, I assure you. We will. I don't know how yet, but we'll do it...and we'll do it together. And no hearts are going to break in my Sacred Garden, I assure you of that too. It's MY Sacred Garden, and I won't let that happen here. No. 

Well, well, look who finally decided to finally join us! Welcome, imbeciles--one and ALL! Except you, Dee-Dee, the gorgeous and intelligent Turtle--YOU are no imbecile! Please, make yourselves at home. But please don't wake up Edwin the Bee? He's already had enough laughs for today. 

After some semi-meaningless small talk, we all parted ways in my Sacred Garden, and the two Me's headed off to the Persian rug for some much-needed rest. The non-snoozing Cousin Eddie scurried off into the bushes somewhere. I had no idea where he was headed or what he was going to do. When the two Me's finally arrived at the Persian rug, we finally found our first item to write down under the bad column in the notebook: that we had to divide my fluffy pillows among the two of us. See, both Me's like to sleep with ALL our fluffy pillows--not some of them. The gorgeous and intelligent Turtle, Dee-Dee, lie down between the two Me's, and bid us a lovely moon-greeting before easing her head back into her shell. I bid happy moon-greeting to my cousins, the Stars, and was just about to drift off into peaceful slumber. Then, suddenly, and softly, my other me, propped up his head and began whispering to me:

I have a little secret to share with you, Me. Are you ready for this?

Of course I'm ready. We're always ready. I mean, you're Me, after all.

Just then, an intense purple mist surrounded the other Me, and completely cloaked him. Then the mist evaporated, and there! Andrew of Olympus lie next to me just like that. 

"Andrew!" I shouted, though using my whispering voice. And I continued, "You totally punked me, dude! But it's so great to see you. I've missed you." 

"I've missed you too, Kev...in a way. I mean I'm always with you in some form or another. I'm around far more than you realize. And I'll have you know, it took me a lot of time to practice being you before I could pull this off. That's a tremendous honor to you, you know!"

"It is indeed," I replied, and added, "but Cousin Eddie...and the Dragon's Eye? There's only one Dragon's Eye. And who else knew about this prank?"

"So many questions, my fabulous and fabulous friend," Andrew answered, and continued, "The Dragon's Eye was a complete fake--looked so real though, huh? Love Rock baby, haha! The Casio communicator watch was real though...I charmed Yana into giving me one while we were at the Fabupalooza show. I think I'm gonna hang on to that for a while. It's an awesome watch! As to who knew about the prank, basically everyone was in on it except for you and Madeleine. Yes, Olga too, lol. As to the other Cousin Eddie, you can figure that one out if you really want to, I'm sure."

Yes, of course!" I exclaimed, "Casey the Cardinal--or, more accurately--Mr. Feathers hahaha! You guys are so sneaky. That sucks that I missed the Fabupalooza show, though. I was really looking forward to seeing that with Yana...especially The Fab Fabs. You know how much I adore Crazy Fab...and Betta Fab too!"

Andrew answered, "It's alright. If you really want to see it, you still can. Dragon's Eye, you know. Just cuz Olga doesn't like sorcery in her Sacred Pub doesn't mean you can't use it everywhere else. If you do decide to go, by the way, make other plans for when Chenelle plays...they sucked ass. Glittallica was good though. Shane Sweetfield is finally in a good place again, and Starz Ultra's drumming has never been better. And Robbie Bonito, of course, is always fabulous on bass. Ohh! And Blush was really good too! I'm really warming up to their singer, Lavender Frostdale. He definitely has some Love Rock in him. And, of course, your fabulous and favorite Fab Fabs were the highlight of the concert. Major Love Rock in them! You've got good taste, dude."

"Nice," I replied, pensively. Then I went on, "I'll have to think about that. That could open up a new can of worms with Yana. She was in on your prank too, no?"

Andrew answered, "No, actually she knew nothing about it. She thinks it was you that went to the concert with her. I told her I had misplaced my Casio communicator watch, so she hooked me up with another one. She's awesome, by the way. Total Heartshine! And the coolest black bear I've ever known. Don't worry, dude...I did you well. She had a great time and suspected nothing. I did only as you would do while I was with her, so you'll have no surprises to answer for. But I really think we should get some rest now, my fabulous Love Child."

"You're not leaving?" I asked.

"No, not yet," Andrew answered, and added, "It's a nice place you have here. I think I'll hang for a bit, if you and Madeleine don't mind. And, by the way, I just want you to know that this prank had a purpose. Your lovely sister the River will explain more once you fall asleep. And you handled it so well, you should know. I'm really proud of you, dude."

"Thank you, Andrew," I replied. "I feel the purpose now. Goodnight, fabulousness. I love you."

"I love you too, Kev," Andrew whispered softly. And we both drifted off into wonderful slumber upon the Persian rug. 


Life is so beautiful beautiful! 
Thank you all for joining me on this crazy journey.
So grateful grateful!
I love you.
XX
​Kev


​
​


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Chapter 36b: I Have Two Kev's...One For Each of You Part II

12/19/2017

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Something many of you might not know about these chapters that I write--even the silliest, most absurd ones--often contain a secret and important (and sometimes deep) underlying message...sometimes for myself, and sometimes for others. This is one of those chapters for sure, except that I'm actually telling you the underlying message...so it's not a secret one. Not most of it, anyway. I will do my best to write it in a way so the reader isn't forced to delve into the deeper message if they don't want to. So it can just be weird and silly if you want it to be, and very little deep thought will be required to hopefully enjoy it. 

The underlying message in this chapter, of course, involves one's relationship with one's own self. I'm not going to get into all of the philosophical and/or religious aspects of this concept...though I have my personal beliefs on such things, as I imagine most anyone that reads this also does. The spiritual concepts of our dual nature of being have been explored and explained by much brighter people than I over the millennia already, so there's no need for me to do it again. No, I'm attempting to take the very scientific position that we each have our own unique perspective on things based upon countless factors...and that it's very difficult (if not impossible) for us to be objective when it comes to describing ourselves to others. As humans, we have a tendency either to under or overestimate ourselves in many respects. It's just what we do, it seems to me. Remember how weird it sounded when you heard an audio recording of your own voice for the first time? Or how weird you looked the first time you saw video footage of yourself? Even looking in the mirror can be awkward at times. And that's nothing more than a reflection! But even looking in the mirror or watching a video isn't the same as actually being in the same room with another physical being that also happens to be YOU. From an empathic standpoint, is looking deep into your own eyes in a mirror's reflection the same as it would be actually looking into a separate being's eyes who happened to be YOU? Honestly, I don't know. And that's something I'm wondering if I can figure out as I write this chapter...but only for fun...not for scientific reasons. If nothing else, the reader will get a good look at how I see myself...for better or for worse, whether the same or different from how others see me. 

We're going to handle character dialogue in this chapter the same as we did in Part I of Chapter 36, which is to say their words will be color coded rather than using quotation marks...again, so that we don't have to deal with the "he said," and then she replied..." stuff. I'm copying and pasting the color chart now from part I so you don't have to remember or leave the page. Remember if you're reading this on a mobile device, you can scroll all the way to the bottom of the page and switch to "WEB" instead of the default "MOBILE" to see the text in their respective colors (the text will all be black with a white background if you don't change this setting).

Kev will speak in Purple
My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, the Albino Peacock (Peahen) will speak in White
Kev with a turtle on his shoulder will speak in Orange
Dee-Dee the Turtle (upon Kev's shoulder) will speak in Blue
Both Cousin Eddie's will speak in Red
Olga the bartender fairy will speak in Yellow
Edwin the Bee will speak in the same Green as the general story-telling segments

And so now, on with the conclusion to Chapter 36:

So we have good news and bad news, my beautiful gatekeeper.

But mostly good news, Madeleine!

Ahh, yes, I see! But I'm not sure which part you're considering the bad news yet. I'm assuming you've both decided that having two of you around is good news? And you didn't explode, so that's good news too, right?

Yes! See, you know me so well, beautiful gatekeeper!

And me too, Madeleine, yes! You know me so well too!

And so the bad news would be that neither of you have any clue as to why there are now two Kev's in the Sacred Garden?

Exactly.

Yep. Right again. You're so clever, Madeleine. 

I was going to say that too!

I know, haha! But I beat you too it! *High five*

Oy vey...this is going to be a complete disaster. I can feel it already. Hopefully Mitzy will be here with our shipment soon. I'm going to need extra wine to get through this fiasco. I can feel that too! In the meantime, do you two have a plan yet as to how to figure out why this happened so that we can work out a solution? 

Well, not really no, Madeleine. But we have a pretty good idea I think to get us started.

Yes, yes, beautiful gatekeeper, it's not like we're not doing anything. We've already worked out a way to begin working on it. 

We have? I mean, yes...we have. 

Ohh I can't wait to hear this...I'm sure it's some sort of brilliant way to pretend you're doing something while actually doing nothing. Oh how you excel at that!

We'll report back to your shortly, beautiful gatekeeper. 

Yes, we're going to the Persian rug to get my notebook. Then we can show you our plan.

Yes, exactly. Our plan that I already mentioned to you. 

It was actually quite pleasant walking with myself through my Sacred Garden. En route to the Persian rug, the two me's discussed our lack of a plan...but also took time to admire one another, of course. We considered holding hands for a moment, but ultimately decided against it. Turns out there are some things that are too strange and awkward even for ME. We did manage to confirm, however, that we both had Casio communicator watches on our left wrists--and Dragon's Eyes in our pockets. This was indeed a most mysterious mystery...one that would not easily be solved. Dee-Dee, the gorgeous Turtle upon my shoulder was taking a nap, we went ahead and assumed, since she was inside her shell and had made no sounds at all since we were at Madeleine's desk, Achilles' Last Stand. 

The two me's found Cousin Eddie thumbing through our record collection when we arrived at the Persian rug. Cousin Eddie, ever being Cousin Eddie, didn't seem concerned or even surprised to see that there were now two Kev's. He only greeted us politely, and tossed us each a can of beer. We all three toasted and chugged down our beers. Then the other me retrieved my notebook. 

You're not surprised that there's two of me, Cousin Eddie?

Not in the least, Mr. Kev. We live in a strange and magical place. Things like this happen sometimes, you know. It's no big deal. Besides, I ran into another ME, too. No explosions, no drama. It was actually pretty cool. Two Cousin Eddie's means twice as many beer can creations built in half the time! 

Wait a minute! So we have two Kev's AND two Cousin Eddie's running around in the Sacred Garden?! 

Generally, yes. But at the moment, no. My other me is at the Sacred Pub, enjoying some well-earned leisure. And I know you're going to ask, so the answer is no...we decided not to tell Madeleine. We're enjoying myself, and we figured there was no reason to get her going. I open cans of beer, not cans of worms, lol. And speaking of cans of beer...here...catch! A toast: To all the Kev's and all of the Cousin Eddie's here and everywhere! 

Here, here!

And hear, hear! 

Uh-oh, dudes...Madeleine just messaged me on my Casio communicator watch. She seems upset. 
She says we need to get...

Our trouble-making asses to Achilles' Last Stand right away...yes, I got the message too. So what are we going to tell her our plan is? Just mark things down under the good and bad columns in the notebook, and tally them up as we watch carefully for clues to an actual solution? 

Yep, I think it's our best angle for now. We both know she's not going to like it, but at least it's something, right? 

Good luck, Kev's.

Oh, no, Cousin Eddie, you're coming with us! We're gonna need my soulmate for this!

Fine, fine, Mr. Kev.

It was a slow, slow march back to Achilles' Last Stand. We stalled as long as we could, without it looking as though we were stalling. Believing in our own foolish way, as we do, that Madeleine might not be on to us...but knowing full well in our hearts that she's always a few steps ahead of us. That's what makes her such a great gatekeeper, you know. And a pain in our trouble-making asses...albeit a beautiful pain. Once we arrived at Madeleine's desk, it went about as both of me imagined it would:

Oh, so nice to see you again, Kev...and Kev...and one of the Cousin Eddies! Yes, I know ALL about the other Cousin Eddie! You fools...all of you! Olga just messaged me to let me know Cousin Eddie has had far too many Minute Meads, and someone needs to come and walk him home from the Sacred Pub. Isn't that just lovely?! Shall I just send over the other Cousin Eddie to do it? I'm sure that will work out so fabulously. 

Actually, beautiful gatekeeper, it's funny you should mention the Sacred Pub...seems like perfect timing. See, we've got my notebook, and we were going to take it to the Sacred Pub and start doing some investigating...start getting to the bottom of this strange occurrence, you know. There are some clever folks there...especially Olga. 

The bottom of a few Minute Meads, I'd wager! Investigating, my ass! 

Pardon me, Madeleine, but please lower your voice? Dee-Dee is still sleeping. 

Nope. I'm awake now.

And you stop snickering, please, Cousin Eddie. You know damn well what I meant. 

Sorry, Madeleine.

Look, Madeleine, see? We've created two columns in my notebook...one for good things about there being two of me, and the other for bad things about there being two of me. We've already began filling some things in. We feel that through the course of the sun and moon-greeting we'll be able to tally enough goods and bads. Then we can weigh them against each other, and possibly find some clues as to how this came to be in the first place. 

Completely asinine and useless! But that's just perfect for you! And you don't have anything written down under the bad column, by the way. And it's so nice you were finally able to really hug yourself for the first time. Of course that would be a really good thing in your book!

See, you know me so well, my beautiful gatekeeper! And that's a very good thing. I'm going to write that down under the good column!

Oh, yes! Definitely write that down there...she knows us so very well! See, we're already making progress!

So that's progress?! How do you deal with this Madeleine?

Oh, so now the Turtle decides to speak?

I have a name, you know. And you better be nice to me. You just never know how I may be able to help you.I'm a very intelligent Turtle. As the REAL Kev knows!

Hey, it's okay, Dee-Dee. I'm sure the other Kev didn't mean any personal offense. He's me, you know. I'm sorry, gorgeous, intelligent Turtle.

REAL Kev? The "other" Kev?! Dude...I'm YOU! We're in this together. And if anyone is the REAL Kev, it's ME. I'm the one that's been here all along.

No, I'm the original Kev that's always been here. Cousin Eddie knows!

Leave me out of this, dudes. Here, have another beer.

Oh yes, more beer is definitely going to help us solve this mess! Great! Wonderful. Actually, what the hell...toss me one of those too, please, Cousin Eddie. And Dee-Dee?

Yes, please. Though I prefer wine.

The wine will be here shortly, Dee-Dee. I know that for sure because I handle ordering our shipments from Mitzy. If Kev or Kev handled it we'd never have anything!

How can YOU be the original Kev?! You just got here...with a Turtle--sorry, Dee-Dee--on your shoulder that no one else has ever known!

Ahh, I see you are enjoying this far too much, Edwin! Don't think I don't see you over there snickering from atop your lotus flower. You know something, don't you?

Ohh, indeed. I know everything...as you well know..both of you Kev's. 

So tell us. Please? Tell us so that we can figure out what happened and how we can fix it?

So now that things are awry, you have time for dear old Edwin, do you? You humans really are so pathetic at times. But I'm going to do you a tremendous favor, Kev, my son...I'm going to stay out of this and let you figure it all out yourself--with yourself. I know you can do it. If you really want to. That's how you'll learn, you see. Besides, as you already mentioned, I'm enjoying this far too much to have it end so quickly, lol. 

Well, You did tell me to learn to love myself as a spouse rather than as a mistress, Edwin. I haven't forgotten that. If nothing else, this will be a way of putting that concept to the test. 

That is a very cogent thought, Kev. And a great start toward solving your latest dilemma. 

Umm, excuse me, but have you imbeciles forgotten we still have the problem of there being at least two Cousin Eddie's now too? That we know of! There could be multiples of BOTH of you that we just haven't come across yet. And if there are multiple Kev's and Cousin Eddie's, that means there could also be multiple others...Dear Caesar's, Ptolemy's, T-Yays, Caw-Caw Carl's...and on an on. I don't think you're realizing how serious this whole thing is. 

Oh, yes, yes...of course! Two Cousin Eddie's...I forgot to write that down in the good column!

Ohh, indeed, that's a good good thing! Two soulmates. Writing that down right now!

Thank you Mr. Kev! Cheers!

Of course you would write that down under the good column! I'm surprised you guys didn't make a good good column too! Noooo...forget that I said that. Please don't do that. I was only joking. 

Umm, Cousin Eddie, can I have another one of those beers?

Of course you can, gorgeous and intelligent Turtle Dee-Dee! Cheers! But drink it up quick...we've got to go to the Sacred Pub and get drunk me out of there before Olga the bartender fairy bans us all. You know how she gets when I get too drunk.

Actually, I don't. We've only just met, you know?

Well I know, haha! Remember that time Olga confiscated your remote control patrol jeep?

How could I forget? Ahh, what a night that was! 

Indeed! Here here!

Here here!

Here here!

Now go, go, you imbeciles! And try and come back with some useful information please? And Dee-Dee, take some of these kale chips with you. You're going to need them for sure!

And so two Kev's--one with a gorgeous and intelligent turtle named Dee-Dee upon his shoulder--and one Cousin Eddie were off to the Sacred Pub to retrieve the other Cousin Eddie who was too drunk to stay there. What could possibly go wrong?

We'll find out in part III of this chapter, when I get around to writing it. Hopefully soon.

Thank you all for reading and just generally for being along on my crazy journey.

Beautiful of beautifuls!

I love you

I love you

XX
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Chapter 36a: I Have Two Kev's...One For Each Of You Part I

12/12/2017

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I always enjoy writing these stories, and I especially enjoy the odd, silly ones. Every once in a while I try little experiments with the chapters...just to see how they might turn out. This chapter is just such an experiment...enough of one, in fact, that it requires this introductory paragraph. And yes, I generally begin chapters with an introductory paragraph or two..but in all honesty, that's just because I'm long-winded; not because they are necessarily necessary. Without giving away too much of the story, I'm just going to tell you there's going to be lots and lots of dialogue in this chapter, which is to say this chapter will be very dialogue-driven. So to make this process more efficient, I'm going to  color code the words rather than using all the "He said," "Then she replied," etc stuff. Those of you that have read previous chapters will know I generally use a green text (like the one I'm using as I type this), so I'm going to continue using that same color for general story-telling segments throughout this chapter. The dialogue for the parts spoken by our characters will be coded as follows:

Kev will speak in Purple
My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, the Albino Peacock (Peahen) will speak in White
Kev with a turtle on his shoulder will speak in Orange
Dee-Dee the Turtle (upon Kev's shoulder) will speak in Blue
Both Cousin Eddie's will speak in Red
Olga the bartender fairy will speak in Yellow
Edwin the Bee will speak in the same Green as the general story-telling segments

So a final note before we get on with the chapter: if you're reading this chapter, it's likely you're reading it on a mobile device which means ALL the text will appear black with a white background. I will try to make the dialogue the least confusing as I can without using quotations. However, if you want to change this, simply scroll to the very bottom of the page and select "WEB" instead of the "MOBILE" that it defaults to. Then it will display all the text colors with a black background. To change it back again (if you have chosen to do so) scroll all the way to the very bottom of the page again (the very last line on the far right beneath the banner) and select "MOBILE SITE." Anyway, thank you all for being a part of this journey, and let's get on with the story!.......

My return to my Sacred Garden after a lengthy journey started out usual enough. Everything looked the same as I had remembered. My beautiful gatekeeper, Madeleine, was busy upon Achilles' Last Stand typing away on her laptop. Of course I should have known right away that something very strange was about to happen when I greeted Edwin the Bee upon entering, and He only chuckled at me. For whatever reason, that thought never entered my consciousness, however. I suppose I just chalked it up to Edwin being actually happy to see me again since I was gone for so long. Now that I type this, it becomes painfully clear just how foolish it was for me to chalk up such a thing! I can be very dense at times. *sigh*

Ahoy there, my beautiful gatekeeper! Beautiful as ever!

Oh, hey there Kev! I've been so wrapped up with these postings to the Andrew forum for the fairies, that I didn't even catch you sneaking past me! I see you've found a new friend! 

Yes indeed! Isn't she gorgeous? This is Dee-Dee the Turtle. We found each other by the bank of my lovely sister the River just past the border to Flatlandia. She was looking for a purpose, and helped me to realize that I also have been searching for a purpose. So we just sort of hit it off right away.

Gorgeous indeed! It's nice to meet you, Dee-Dee. Kale chip?

Oh, yes! I love kale chips! Thank you. Mmm...delicious. You are every bit as beautiful of a gatekeeper as Kev said you were. And your sacred garden is even more stunning than I imagined it. 

Well, thank you, gorgeous Dee-Dee. And welcome to our beloved Xanadu Forest. And Kev, why didn't you tell me about Dee-Dee before? You know you shouldn't be hiding your relationships from your gatekeeper...kind of hard to gatekeep that way, you know?

Well I just got here, Madeleine. I suppose I could've messaged you from the Casio communicator watch to warn you, but I didn't think it was so important that it couldn't wait until I returned. 

But you said you found each other in Flatlandia. Even at your most motivated, which is not that motivated, I should add...you wouldn't be able to make it to Flatlandia and back in a single sun-greeting. A rabbit and a hare indeed, haha!

Who said anything about a single sun-greeting, beautiful gatekeeper? I've been gone for many sun and moon-greetings...as I would expect you to know. So many that I've lost count. And why are all the garden gate activity logs already signed off on? There should be a whole stack of them for me to sign off on. 

I can attest to that, beautiful Madeleine...I've been traveling with Kev for at least a few sun and moon-greetings. 

Is this some sort of prank, Kev? If it is, it's not funny. I've got a lot of work to catch up on, you know. The Andrew forums have blown up like crazy since the Fabupalooza concert in Lustra. And thank you for all the pictures you took for me, by the way. The fairies are so in love with me now! So can we end the prank now? And I can get back to the forums, and you can get back to doing whatever it is Kev's do when they're actually doing something? Please? And here, have a kale chip. Just made a fresh batch--lemon pepper with honey. 

I swear, Madeleine, there's no prank here--or if there is, I'm not in on it. I'm at least as confused as you are, beautiful gatekeeper. Really. And mmm...these are delicious! Only YOU could get me to eat kale chips! Wait a minute!!!...did you say Fabupalooza?!! I haven't been to the Fabupalooza concert! I was waiting to hear back from Yana for when we would go. When did I supposedly give you pictures I took at Fabupalooza? 

A few sun-greetings ago. Kev, something is seriously wrong here. Unless you're messing with me! I'm totally serious now, Kev...if this is a joke, you need to tell me right now. Because if it's not a joke, we have a major problem on our hands.

I can't swear enough...I'm thoroughly confused, Madeleine. Yes, something is majorly wrong here. This is so not good.

Do you guys think someone is impersonating Kev?

Either that, or something has gone wrong from when Tick-Tock Doc and I created a time machine and accidentally invented time. But we destroyed all the time machines and sent all the Kev's and Cousin Eddie's back to their proper timelines. Or so we believed. Either way, it's a really bad thing.

Wait!!! Time machines? Plural, as in more than one?!! And ALL the Kev's and Cousin Eddie's?!! And how come I've never heard of this incident? And boy, when you foul things up you really foul things up, don't you?! Exactly how many Kev's and Cousin Eddie's were there?

Honestly, I can't remember how many...but I think there were like 12 or 13 of us--each-- here in the Xanadu Forest...at its peak. It's a long story, but basically it happened like you said, Madeleine...when we foul things up we really foul things up. We realized our mistake right off and kept traveling back to a point before we invented time by accident. But we kept messing up, not realizing that each time we used the time machine, we were sort of copying and pasting another of us into our timeline. It was a design flaw...and that's Tick-Tock Doc's fault, not mine! Just saying. All this happened before you were my beautiful gatekeeper. You were just the county clerk when all this went down. 

That sounds like a complete and utter disaster you had going!

Oh, you have no idea, Dee-Dee! Kev and his companions are capable of the most epic of disastrous situations. Wait!!! I just remembered something, Kev. I remember a sun-greeting when I was in the county clerk's office...you brought Dear Caesar Emeritus, Ptolemy the Gentle Boxer, and Cousin Eddie into the office and hid them in the closet. I believe you told me it was important they stay hiding there for a while...that you were playing a very special game of hide and seek, or something like that.

Yes, yes, that's the time! The time we accidentally invented time. We had to hide everyone from their other selves so that they wouldn't bump into each other. We were afraid they might explode in they did.

And so now I'm suspecting there were multiples of Dear Caesar and Ptolemy too?

Yes, yes there were. Thankfully there were only 4 or 5 sets of them though. But we sent all of them back to their proper timelines as well. I'm sure of that.

Wow, Kev...you really DO have crazy adventures! I thought you were exaggerating. Now I'm starting to think you don't have a problem finding your purpose--you have a problem KEEPING UP with ALL your purposes! 

Well said, gorgeous Dee-Dee! Here, have some more kale chips. And Madeleine, I've just thought of an idea. Can you message me on the Casio communicator watch and ask me to come to Achilles' Last Stand? I'm going to hide in the bushes for a bit and see if another Kev shows up. We didn't have the Casio watches when we accidentally invented time, so it should be very telling indeed...if another Kev shows up.

Yes, yes, that's a good idea, Kev. Now hurry, go hide!

I'm not sure what sort of outcome I was hoping for. I believe I was mostly just cycling through lots of different possibilities in my mind. Broken pieces of thoughts. Anxiety is so inefficient, you know. I remained crouched down silently in the bushes, Dee-Dee the gorgeous Turtle upon my shoulder, my eyes fixed upon Madeleine's desk, Achilles' Last Stand. I was able to feel my heart beating in my throat...which is never a good sign for me. Moments went by and fluttered away--still no sign of another Kev. I briefly tried to convince myself that perhaps the problem had already fixed itself and there was no other Kev. Then Dee-Dee tried to convince me how foolish I was being for trying to convince myself of that. I thanked her for that. 

Then suddenly a voice behind me...right over my shoulder only inches from my ear!!! An all too familiar voice!

Why are you guys spying on Madeleine, my beautiful gatekeeper? Oh, and why are there two of us here?

Both of me nearly fainted instantly as I jumped up and looked into my own eyes--for the first time ever..without the aid of a mirror. Dee-Dee the gorgeous Turtle spring-boarded off my shoulder when I jumped up, and she crawled away toward additional shelter as quickly as she could...in the event there might be a terrible explosion. You might have guessed, dear reader, that there wasn't any explosion at all, since I'm gratefully still around to tell you this story. 

To be continued, in Part II

Thank you all for being a part of my journey.
Life is beautiful beautiful. 
I love you.
I love you.

Kev
Kev

XX

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Chapter 35: The Journey Of Home & A Turtle Without Purpose

12/8/2017

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One would think that since I live in a most perfect Sacred Garden in the midst of a mostly perfect and blessed forest, that I would have no longings, no lackings, and never any need to escape. Mostly, this is true. But then again, there are seasons and then there are seasons...and my human heart is far from perfect, despite living in as perfect place as one can possibly live while wearing a human body. This is no complaint, mind you, for I know well how blessed I am, and I am grateful for and with every breath. 

I'm not sure why we humans have an ongoing need to be constantly searching for that "something"...whatever that something may be. I know in my own case I don't even know what that something is. But it's very real--I feel it in my heart--and it whispers my name...unless I ignore it too many times, and it begins to call me more and more loudly until it grows into a shout. Figuratively, I mean, of course. And so I end up leaving the safety and comfort of my perfect Sacred Garden in search of this "something"...that something I can't name or really understand. Is that a purpose? To be honest, I'm not sure. Perhaps we only ever have really small purposes with each sun-greeting? Maybe. Maybe even several smaller purposes in a single sun-greeting? Perhaps. 

And so, for whatever reason, I decided to bring this particular escape from my Sacred Garden to and end and return home. As I drew near the border between Flatlandia and by beloved Xanadu Forest, I decided to head further east and say hello to my lovely sister, the River. I found a lovely flat spot on my sister's bank, and sat down, soaking in her beauty. Oh how she always flows...endlessly, eternally. I wrapped my arms around my hunched up knees, and rested my chin thoughtfully upon them. I spoke to her with my heart, knowing well she would only answer me when I slept. 

Then, suddenly, my heart felt the strong presence of another heart watching me. I instinctively turned to my right, and there on the River's bank next to me was a turtle...silent and not moving. Just looking up at me in some sort of wonder. "Well, hello there, little gorgeous one," I spoke, and stroked the turtle's head gently with two fingers. The turtle remained silent, so I continued, "You know, you are the first turtle I've ever seen in our lands. We don't have turtles here in Interterrestria. I had forgotten how beautiful you are."

The turtle blushed a little, and finally answered, "Thank you. You're very beautiful too. I'm Dee-Dee. I guess you already know I'm from...umm...elsewhere. A very far away elsewhere." 

"I have never heard of 'elsewhere,' gorgeousness--not even a very far away one," I replied. 

The lovely turtle laughed. It was a most beautiful laugh--a sort of high pitched, squeaking and adorable laugh that's hard to describe beyond that. Then she finally spoke again, "Well it's not called 'Elsewhere' of course, silly...there's just no way to pronounce it in your language. Our language is made up only of squeaks, high pitched grunts, and occasional clicks. I don't believe your throat would be able to make such sounds."

"Try me," I suggested.

And Dee-Dee did. And I can't even begin to type how her turtle voice sounded. 

"Umm yeah," I admitted, "I guess we better stick to English for now." And we both laughed a little more. Then I finally asked her, "So how did you get here?"

Dee-Dee seemed to think long and hard before answering, "Well, I left my home long, long ago. I stowed away on a ship and crossed the seas. The ship finally docked and I found myself in a dirty, dark industrial city filled with nasty seagulls. I knew I couldn't stay there, so--"

"Ahh, Bleakerton!" I interrupted. And I added, "Port Pollutus is where your ship would have docked. You poor thing! You're blessed to have made it out of there alive--a tender gorgeousness such as yourself. Seagulls are the worst! I've only been to Bleakerton once, and I have to say--"

Then Dee-Dee interrupted me right back, laughing adorably, as she said, "Yeah, they're total assholes! But you know, a shell is a pretty handy thing to have."

"Yes, I suppose it really would be," I confirmed. Then I asked the lovely Dee-Dee, "Can I ask why you decided to take upon such a long journey?"

Dee-Dee took no thought at all before answering, "Purpose. I have no purpose. And I want a purpose. We turtles have no purpose, you know. We're just turtles." 

This intrigued me greatly, and it was not lost on me that I had just been pondering something like this before I met Dee-Dee upon my sister's bank. So much synchronicity...even in my own imaginary lands. I gazed into the beauty of my sister the River for quite some time before I finally offered up, "Perhaps simply being a turtle IS you purpose. Why must it be more than that?"

Dee-Dee shook her head very slowly before offering back, "Nope. Not good enough for me. I need a higher purpose...my heart says so. And, I should add, you sound like my parents! And, your lovely sister the River says you are not so different. She says I should ask you why you are sitting here next to me. You are searching for something too, are you not?"

"Wow! You can hear my sister speak!?" I exclaimed. She only speaks to ME in my sleep."

"Of course I can! You didn't know we turtles can speak to water?!" Dee-Dee exclaimed back at me. And the gorgeous turtle added, "And please don't try and dodge my question by changing the subject. What are YOU searching for?"

Dee-Dee had me there. I could only reply, "You're a very clever and gorgeous turtle indeed. To be perfectly honest, I don't know what it is I'm searching for. There's just this 'something' that calls me away sometimes. It's like I need to escape sometimes. Just get away. I don't know how to explain it. I live in the most perfect place, you know, my Sacred Garden. I have no wants or needs. And yet, sooner or later, I'm always running away again. It's not that I'm unhappy. It's just...umm...I don't know. I'd say a shell is a pretty great thing to have sometimes."

Dee-Dee replied quickly, "Yes, having a shell is a great thing sometimes. My home goes with me wherever I go. It protects me--keeps me safe. But it's not always all that it's cracked up to be. Look at how the birds only keep their shells until they've grown enough...then they crack them and leave them behind. They find their purpose and emerge. You know what I think? I think you're searching for your purpose too."

I smiled, and stroked the gorgeous turtle's head gently again with two fingers, and said, "Perhaps. But I've already had lots of purposes. For instance, I'm the assistant county clerk of the Xanadu Forest, not to mention the keeper of my Sacred Garden."

Clever Dee-Dee responded quickly, "So why are you here in the middle of nowhere talking to a turtle? Shouldn't you be at work?"

I hesitated, but finally answered, "Well, umm...I don't really like to work very much. I hired an assistant to the assistant county clerk to handle things in the office. A lovely Steller's Jay named Caw Caw Carl."

Dee-Dee the gorgeous turtle caught me again, "So that's obviously not your purpose. What do you do in your Sacred Garden?"

I answered more quickly this time, "Well, I mostly sign off on garden gate activity logs for Madeleine, my beautiful gatekeeper, and I hang out with my soulmate Cousin Eddie, the Raven. He builds stuff out of empty beer cans. And sometimes we play records and board games...and chug beer of course, so that Cousin Eddie has plenty of empties to build things with."

Dee-Dee asked poignantly, and pointedly, "And you'd consider that a purpose?"

I replied, "Well, I've been studying the ancient Xanaduvian language too, and learning about the ancient history of our lands. Dear Caesar Emeritus the librarian gives me homework packets to do, and I've learned a lot."

Dee-Dee continued her line of questioning, "So where are your homework packets now?"

I hesitated again, then finally admitted, "Well, Caw Caw Carl has been taking care of those while I've been away. But I'll be working on them as soon as I get back."

"I see," Dee-Dee, the gorgeous turtle sighed, obviously unconvinced. And she continued, "You see that I'm a turtle. How would you say that in the ancient Xanaduvian language?"

I answered sheepishly, "Well, I haven't gotten to amphibians yet--since we don't have them in our lands--so I don't know. But I can name many others in ancient Xanaduvian."

Dee-Dee pop quizzed me, "Name three animals. No hesitating."

"Okay, fine," I said, and continued, "Ave transkas is 'Raven,' Bah is 'Bear,' and obehfwaray is 'Tiger.'

"Ooh! I like tigers!" Dee-Dee exclaimed. Then she asked me, "Do you have any tigers here in your lands?"

Such a clever and gorgeous turtle, Dee-Dee is! She had me again. I could only reply sheepishly, "No, we don't have tigers in interterrestria."

"I thought as much," Dee-Dee sort of gently sneered. Then she smiled so wonderfully, and said to me, "You know what? I think we both found our purpose...if only a purpose for this sun-greeting. I'm so glad we met. Which reminds me, you haven't told me your name."

I replied happily, "Ohh, you're right! Forgive me, Dee-Dee. My name is Kev. And it's so nice to meet you too. For certain, our meeting was no accident."

Dee-Dee looked surprised, and asked, "Wait a minute! Kev?! Like THE Kev that writes such beautiful stories from the heart of the Xanadu Forest?!"

It was my turn to blush. I smiled a large and warm smile, "Yes, sweet and gorgeous Dee-Dee, that is me. How could you have heard of me?"

Dee-Dee smiled warmly back at me and answered, "Your stories are legendary throughout our land...where the turtles live...I mean, where I came from."

I smiled again, but didn't feel like saying anything else just then except, "Ves ves! Gratotsik e voum."

"Excuse me?" Dee-Dee asked.

"That's ancient Xanaduvian, darlin. It means 'Thank you very much. I love you.'"

"Ohh, I like that, Kev. It's a pretty language," Dee-Dee spoke softly, then she asked, "And how would you say 'you're welcome'?"

"Egrasema," I quickly responded, and added, "It translates literally into 'it's a small love to me'...which is the Xanaduvian way of saying 'it's no big deal.' But it's often shortened to simply 'egras'...for the sake of brevity."

Dee-Dee the gorgeous turtle climbed up onto my lap just then, smiled, and spoke so warmly, "Egrasema, Kev. Gratotsik e voum." 

And I stroked Dee-Dee's head gently once more with two fingers as we both looked out at my beautiful sister, the River, and our hearts listened to her voice.

It was a most beautiful sun and moon-greeting. 

Life is so beautiful beautiful.
Thank you lovelies for always being you and for being out there. If we have but one purpose, may it be that we forever overcome the darkness that gathers around the Light. And may we succeed!

Gratotsik e voum
(I love you)

Kev.
XX
​






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Chapter 34: Fabupalooza, Fairies, And Such Like That

9/20/2017

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As I mentioned in the last chapter, I have been much more productive and efficient of late, and feeling quite good about that, as I sat next to my assistant to the assistant county clerk, Caw Caw Carl in the county clerk's office. I had just finished one of my Xanaduvian language homework packets that dear Caesar Emeritus had given me, and so we began to play with Caw Caw Carl's Sacred Garden diorama...which was a nearly perfect scaled-down replica of my own Sacred Garden that rested upon what used to be Madeleine's desk in the office. Caw Caw Carl assembled the Sacred Garden simulation on the instruction of his imaginary friend and soul mate, Gemini Cricket. You see, this was to be Caw Caw's way of training to be a true gatekeeper himself someday. And though it was a brilliant idea in many respects, in actuality it kept Caw Caw Carl out of Madeleine's feathers and gave the Steller's Jay and I a great excuse to mess around inside the county clerk's office. So basically, it was our play set...completely with tiny action figures of myself, Madeleine, and Cousin Eddie the Raven. 

Just as I was about to have action figure ME and Cousin Eddie go into the replica Tree house and search through a tiny replica treasure trunk, a notification came through on my modified Casio calculator watch that Yana the black bear had given to me and my beautiful gatekeeper Madeliene. Madeleine and I didn't share a Casio calculator watch of course. Yana gave us each one so that all three of us could always be in contact with one another. Anyway, the notification was a message from Yana...specifically, it was an invitation for me to go with her to Lustra (land of the fairies) as a V.I.P. guest to a music festival called Fabupalooza. "Ahh, so that's what Fabupalooza is," I thought to myself. Except out loud, by mistake. I really need to work on separating my thoughts from my spoken words. "It's going to get me into trouble someday, I'm sure." my thoughts continued.

Caw Caw Carl replied, "I don't don't understand, Mr. Kev Kev. What sort of trouble trouble?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Caw Caw, I meant to think that instead of say that," I explained, and added, "Vanya's niece Yana just invited me to a music festival in Lustra. Fabupalooza it's called. Yana has V.I.P. passes for us, apparently."

"Oh that sounds fun fun, Mr. Kev Kev!" Caw Caw Carl went on, "I haven't heard heard of it, but it it definitely sounds like like something made very very much for you."

"Yes, Caw Caw, yes it does," I exclaimed. "This will be fun indeed. It seems Yana is good friends with one of the bands playing the festival...Glitallica--that's how she got the V.I.P. passes she says." I continued reading through Yana's message, and continued to explain to Caw Caw, "They are very good, but I've never seen them live. Yana says they'll be playing mostly songs from their albums Master of Pockets and Glide the Highlights...which happen to be my two favorite albums by them.

"Sounds fascinating fascinating, Mr. Kev Kev," Caw Caw Carl interjected politely to let me know I still had his attention. "But I haven't heard of them them."

I continued scrolling and reading Yana's message on my Casio calculator watch, and explaining, "Yana says guitarist/singer Shane Sweetfield used to be one of her students at the university. And she says that bassist Robbie Bonito is very nice. The other guitar player, Dirk Glamlett, tends to keep to himself, Yana says in the message...as he still has things he doesn't want to admit openly. And drummer Starz Ultra is pretty much a sex-crazed a-hole, apparently, but not altogether unpleasant. Either way, I'm sure the show will be great," I added.

"Interesting, interesting, Mr. Kev Kev," Caw Caw Carl replied, again, to be polite. And the Steller's Jay wheeled Cousin Eddie's tiny replica remote control patrol jeep over to my replica Persian rug, and had action figure Cousin Eddie sorting through super tiny replica record albums. 

"And oh wow!" I exclaimed, and Caw Caw Carl jumped a bit, "Look who's headlining the festival...it's the Fab Fabs! I got to see them live and meet them when they were the Groove Grooves. Wow, they have come far to have surpassed Glitallica to headline a music festival! So awesome! And most worthy."

"That's so lovely lovely to hear, Mr. Kev Kev. But sadly sadly, I haven't heard of them either either. Either either of their name names," Caw Caw contributed. Then Carl had action figure Cousin Eddie playing a miniature Van Halen record upon a tiny tiny turntable replica that somehow actually played the replica record. Impressive. Most impressive! Caw Caw Carl was learning my Sacred Garden very well! Once again, I had mistakenly allowed my silent thoughts to become audible, and Caw Caw Carl replied, "Thank you very much much, Mr. Kev Kev; but I give most of the credit credit to Gemini Cricket Cricket. He's very clever clever you know know!" And then the Stellers Jay asked me, "What other bands are playing playing Fabupalooza? Perhaps there's one one I've actually heard heard of?" 

"Well there is Chenelle," I read off the list on my Casio calculator watch.

"Nope nope," Caw Caw answered, "I like like that name name though."

I scrolled Yana's message more and asked hopefully, "How about Blush? They are playing too."

Caw Caw Carl seemed excited to reply finally, "Oh yes yes! I know of them well well! I just adore adore their singer Lavender Frostdale. Now HE is a special special performer!"

I simply replied to Caw Caw Carl, "Nice, nice," and sent Yana a message on my Casio calculator watch communicator thanking her for the super kind invitation and assuring her I would be so honored to attend Fabupalooza with her. After that, Caw Caw Carl suggested I share with the readers a few words about fairies since I would soon be going to Lustra. Actually, Carl said it was Gemini Cricket's idea. Either way, I thought it was a great idea, and so here are some words on fairies and such like that:

As they are on your Earth, fairies are somewhat of a strange and mysterious anomaly on our Interterrestrian lands. Both the history I have read of them in books at the Library Tree, and my own personal interactions with them, have only served for me to be much more confused about them than I am knowledgeable. But I will share with you what little I know. 

For starters, dear reader, do not confuse fairies of Interterrestria with those of your Earthly dimension; for of a certainty they are quite different from yours...despite having some traits in common. Though our fairies may have similarities in general size and appearance, these are not the fairies of your children's cartoons and books. No, these are not your children's fairies. They drink lots of alcohol, most of them smoke, and all of them like hard rock and metal music. Some also like pop music too, but they are in the minority in Lustra, the land where they come from. And they do not ever leave money under anyone's pillows for any reason at all whatsoever! There may well be godmothers in Lustra, and certainly there are fairies in our lands that have magical abilities...but again, these are not your children's fair godmothers. I've never seen an Interterrestrian fairy carrying a wand, nor have any of the books I've read on them mentioned magic wands. If you want to know where the next party is, or a great rock concert, almost any given fairy of Lustra is likely capable of helping you with that. If they choose to tell you. 

Which is another trait of our fairies you should understand: though they aren't mean-spirited or cruel creatures in any sort of way, assisting others (even other fairies) generally isn't their cup of tea. That's not to say they won't ever help others in need, but you'll need a bit of good fortune and booze should you ever find yourself in need of their assistance. Good concert tickets are effective in a pinch as well...though often they will tend to already have any concert tickets you might offer them as a bribe. So yes, dear reader, the fairies of Lustra are more than moderately self-centered and serving, leaning even toward a very soft form of narcissism. In most cases. As with ALL beings, there are exceptions, of course. But not many. 

The biological makeup of Lustran fairies is also a most fascinating study in and of itself. I won't go into depth here, as I am no scientist, and many of the books I've read on it seem to have contrasting views on the subject. Something I can tell you for sure is that our fairies don't actually have to eat or drink for sustenance, though of course they often do both--but only for pleasurable reasons. They do have a perfectly functioning digestive system, not so unlike a tiny version of the human digestive system. But--and this is the strange part--they are also able to survive and thrive just fine using a system that is very similar to photosynthesis, just as plants, flowers, and trees do. As it turns out, the pores of our fairies' skin are like the stomata of a leaf...they can breathe carbon dioxide through their skin! And, just like plants, they release oxygen and even water, to a degree. And here's another weird and often misunderstood thing about fairies: they do not actually use their wings to fly. Their wings are there only for show, and to more easily guide their flight...like the sails upon a ship. The propulsion system they use to actually fly is still very confusing to me, but seems to be part of this photosynthesis process. Basically, they have a way of controlling the intensity of the oxygen and water they release from their skin. The best way to explain it, I believe, is that the pores/stomata of their skin are like thousands upon thousands of tiny rocket boosters. And somehow, amazingly enough, they are able to control the release and intake of each individual pore. And though I can't understand the science behind it, something in this process is also what causes them to leave trails of differently colored glitter. I read in one of dear Ceasar Emeritus' books that an expert on Lustran fairies is able to track a fairy's path by the colors of the glitter trails they leave behind. Cool, huh? I wish I could understand this better.

And this leads to the greatest mystery of all regarding the fairies of Lustra: their origin. Readers of these previous chapters will know that all life upon Interterrestria came from either the Createds (they created all the creatures/animals, mountains, rivers) or the Seeders (the Seeders planted all the seeds that became trees, flowers, grass, etc.). The Lustran fairies seem to be either both of these types of creations, or neither of them. It's hard for me to grasp, really. If you were to ask a given fairy about their origin (I have done this), they will only tell you that the fairies have always been. And always will be. They do not believe in the Createds, Seeders, or any sort of higher being at all whatsoever. And so they have no religion or faith at all. They do not mind that other creations believe in such things, however, so long as they are not lumped in with them. Indeed, there is no faster way to offend a fairy than to tell them they are a product of either Createds or Seeders. Or even both, as I personally surmise, though I'd never express that openly to a fairy. Interestingly enough, neither myself nor dear Caesar Emeritus have ever found a single Dead Tree scroll that mentions the fairies of Lustra in any capacity at all.

And so to this land called Lustra shall I soon journey off to with Yana, the lovely black bear. And I've no doubt it will be a most nice nice time! Which reminds me, I will have Caw Caw Carl the Steller's Jay post this to Twitter right after I tell you how much I love and appreciate you for joining us on this journey.

Life is beautiful beautiful.
Thank you for always being out there.
I love you.
Kev
​XX










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Chapter 33: SORRY! Board Conquest, Glitter Blooms, and Beer Cans

8/30/2017

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It's been nice milling about in my Sacred Garden so much more lately, bonding with both  my soulmate, Cousin Eddie the Raven, and my beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine the Albino Peacock (Peahen). And even bonding with myself, in some ways. I've been learning so much more about myself lately from others...I mean besides Edwin the Bee and dear Caesar Emeritus, who are always teaching me wonderful things. Specifically, I refer to my newly adoptive mother Bbaesh, the beautiful Lioness, and the good King Midas LeBottom. Ever since King Midas gave me the Dragon's Eye (several chapters ago), a wakening within myself has seemed to emerge. I've learned there's much more to my past than I ever truly realized, and that there is magic within me I never suspected. To be honest, I'm not completely comfortable with it...because I know well with more gifts comes more responsibility. It's not insecurity, mind you--I rarely lack the confidence to do what I need to do. It's just that I really enjoy being sort of a carefree simpleton. Which is to say, I'm truly in tune with being a playful and sometimes silly slacker. Perhaps I won't have to give too much of that up. I certainly wish that.

I started noticing that I was becoming more responsible and even somewhat productive in some ways...without making any conscious effort to do so. I had been signing off on Madeleine's Garden Gate Activity Logs regularly with no argument or displeasure at all. And I had been doing more and more of dear Caesar's Xanaduvian language homework packets myself, instead of having Caw Caw Carl, my assistant to the assistant County Clerk, do them for me. Learning more and more of the Xanaduvian language had made me more conscious of and fascinated with the rich history and culture our blessed lands hold within them. And, more and more, how I was very much a central figure in it all without ever imagining that. What a season it has been! 

On a particular sun-greeting, I found myself at Madeleine's desk (Achilles' Last Stand we call it, for the benefit of new readers), pleasantly signing off on the Garden Gate Activity Logs. My beautiful gatekeeper didn't even have to message me on my modified Casio calculator watch, or ask me to do it! I just arrived near the garden gate and started doing it happily. I noticed there were quite a few fairies visiting the garden gate again lately, looking for updates on Andrew...or perhaps--Olympus willing--hoping to be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him somehow. I decided to ask Madeleine about the recent increase in fairy visitations.

"Happy, sun-greeting Kev. Yes! I'm glad you brought that up. I've been meaning to ask you to help me with that," my beautiful gatekeeper said.

I replied by asking Madeleine, "But I thought the online forum you had created for them had solved the problem?"

And Madeleine replied, "Yes. It has, mostly. But I've been running short on Andrew things to post there lately that they haven't already seen. Or heard. I swear, Kev, these fairies are nothing short of ravenous when it comes to Andrew! That secret song of his you gave me to post the other sun-greeting held them off for a while--they loved it. But now they want more. So do you have some other things I could start posting in the forum?"

"Sure," I answered gladly, "I have lots of stuff. All sorts of pics they've never seen of him. And his secret songs they've never heard. Maybe even some of his writings. I can go put some things together for you now if you like." 

"Thank you so much, Kev, yes, that would be very helpful," Madeleine said in a most proper and gatekeeper-ly and way. Just as I was turning to walk back to the Persian rug and gather some Andrew material, however, a paper airplane came zipping across my Sacred Garden out of nowhere, struck Madeleine on the side of the head, and fell onto her keyboard. Madeleine picked it up and began to unfold it for examination. And she gestured for me to come sit down next to her upon Achilles' Last Stand. I chuckled as I approached her desk, knowing for sure it had to have come from Andrew. 

"A gift from the child of Olympus himself, I imagine!" I exclaimed to Madeleine, as I sat down and stole a kale chip from a little bowl that was sitting on her desk next to the computer. It was indeed from Andrew! I looked around, but there was no sign of him anywhere in my Sacred Garden. Upon the inside of the paper airplane was an elaborate drawing of a "333" surrounded by stars and random designs...all drawn in purple ink. Beneath the drawing was a neatly-written message that read:

    "My dearest and most fabulous fairy lovelies,
     Worry not! You shall find me soon at Fabupalooza in your glorious land of Lustra! Bring your glitter 
     and dust, for the air will be thick with glamour and gentle grooves. And please, dear lovelies, let
     beautiful Madeleine do her work! Mwah!

     Sincerely,
     Andrew of Olympus"

And beneath Andrew's elaborate signature were glittery purple, perfect lip-prints. My beautiful gatekeeper wasted no time in scanning the paper airplane and posting the image of it to her online forum. Then Madeleine laughed, and said, "This is wonderful, haha! The forum is exploding; they're eating it up, haha! I hope they don't crash the server! I have no idea what this Fabupalooza thing is, but obviously they love it.' Then Madeleine asked me, "Have you heard of Fabupalooza?"

I shrugged my shoulders, and shook my head gently, "No, I've never heard of it. Knowing Andrew as I do, it's hard to say. I mean some sort of concert, I'm sure, but other than that I've got no idea."

Madeleine was nonchalant--but visibly pleased--as she concluded, "Well whatever works, works. If they're happy and stop showing up at our garden gate in droves, then I am doubly happy." And I saw her type some replies to fairies that were replying to the paper airplane posting. 

By then, my soulmate, Cousin Eddie, had strolled up to Achilles' Last Stand and tossed me a can of beer while he chugged one down himself. "Drink up, Kev, I need more cans. I want to get my remote control boat finished soon." [For new readers, Cousin Eddie builds all sorts of things out of empty beer cans]

I asked Cousin Eddie, "A remote control boat? What do you need that for? You already have a jeep and a helicopter."

Cousin Eddie cracked open another can of beer and replied, "Yeah, but I don't have a boat. Boats are cool, you know. You get to be a captain that way. Besides, we have the Pond of Fanciness that we hardly ever use anymore, so I thought it would be fun. But I ran out of empties. So drink up, Mr. Kev!" And he tossed me another can of beer. 

I couldn't come up with a good way to argue Cousin Eddie's logic, so I simply moved on and told him about the paper airplane from Andrew and asked him if he knew what Fabupalooza was. He hadn't heard of it either, but suggested it sounded like some sort of fairy thing. Then he told me again that he needed a bunch more cans, and suggested we play a board game to pass the sun-greeting while we emptied them. Specifically, he suggested the game SORRY!: Board Conquest.

My beautiful gatekeeper Madeleine jumped into the conversation then with, "Oh! I've heard of SORRY! I even know how to play that one! I think. What's the board conquest thing about though?" she asked both Cousin Eddie and I.

Cousin Eddie explained, "Oh, cool, Madeleine! Yes, of course you can play too! If you know how to play SORRY! it's basically the same. Same cards, same board, same game pieces. You just have to get your game pieces to different homes is all. I'll go get the game," Cousin Eddie continued, you two meet me at the Persian rug and pick out some records to play." 

Madeleine hopped off of Achilles' Last Stand enthusiastically and exclaimed, "Yes! Sweet! We'll meet you there. This will be fun! And I'll bring the kale chips...I just made a fresh batch of sour cream & onion." And Cousin Eddie zipped off into the brush in his remote control patrol jeep. I retrieved a bag of caramel corn from underneath Madeleine's desk, and her and I made our way slowly to my Persian rug.

As Madeleine I walked slowly and peacefully, I explained, "The main difference in Board Conquest is that you have to get your game pieces in each of the 4 colored homes on the board instead of just your own color. One game piece in each of the 4 colored homes. So it's like you're conquering all the other colors in the game. That's the conquest. But you start the same as regular SORRY!...with all 4 of your game pieces in your own colored start. All the same rules from regular SORRY! apply." I paused my explanation to be sure this made sense to Madeleine. Not that I doubted her intellect, of course, for my beautiful gatekeeper is quite brilliant and perceptive. And, in a practical sense, at the very least, she is much smarter than myself! She acknowledged that it all made sense to her so far, so I continued, "But there is a catch, of course. There can only ever be one game piece in a colored home. That's where the dice come in."

This intrigued my beautiful gatekeeper greatly. "Dice?" she asked.

"Yes," I continued, "Dice. See, once you've entered a colored safety zone and draw the right card that gets you into the home...if another player's game piece is already in there you have to invade them. As the invader, you roll two dice and add the number. But the defender that was already there gets to roll 3 dice and add the total. See, they have the strategic battle advantage because they've already occupied it. The higher number occupies the colored home of course. The conquered piece returns to its color's start."

Madeleine seemed to really enjoy this variation. "You and Cousin Eddie are so silly and clever," she said, and added, "I love it! But I can imagine this game taking a long time to finish." 

"Oh, yes indeed," I replied, "But thankfully we don't keep time in our beloved Xanadu Forest, so we technically have forever to finish the game if it were ever needed. Eternity hasn't been needed so far in games we've played in the past. Plus we never run out of beer! Cousin Eddie will have more than enough empty cans to finish multiple remote control boats even!"

"I see," Madeleine chuckled, and she started thumbing through record albums, since we were now upon my Persian rug awaiting Cousin Eddie. And she added, "Yep. Sounds perfectly like you guys haha! I have to say, I'm really enjoying being your gatekeeper. This is a truly wonderful place to live." Without asking permission, Madeleine slid a U2 record out of its sleeve and began playing it on my turntable. A bold move by her, indeed! But I wasn't upset or even annoyed really. Just surprised, you know. She was definitely feeling at home  here in my Sacred Garden. And that was a very, very nice thing for all of us. 

I thanked her for her kind words and told her what a pleasure it's been having here in my Sacred Garden. And how great a job she was doing as my beautiful gatekeeper. Then I remembered a SORRY!: Board Conquest variation I had neglected to tell her: "And I almost forgot! The colored home that matches your game piece always gives you the home advantage, even if someone else already occupies that colored home. So even if you are invading, YOU get to roll 3 dice while the defender only gets to roll 2. But only when it's your color."

"Got it!" Madeleine confirmed, and by then Cousin Eddie had arrived and was setting up the game board. Cousin Eddie commented to Madeleine that he liked her choice in the record album. And they talked about U2 while I arranged our snacks, and claimed the green SORRY! game pieces for myself. The game went smoothly, once we finally got it going. And we were all three of us truly enjoying this lovely bonding period. It was so comforting to all of us, I could feel. For the next album, I chose Gerry Rafferty's City To City LP. Neither Cousin Eddie nor Madeleine commented on my choice. After that, Cousin Eddie chose to play Van Halen's Diver Down. And I made it a point to discuss Van Halen with him for a bit, knowing my beautiful gatekeeper knew very little about them. And the game went on. And on. Kale chips and caramel corn were devoured, and a pile of empty beer cans was growing. Both Cousin Eddie and I offered a can of beer to Madeleine multiple times, but she politely refused every time.

Then Madeleine REALLY surprised me when she finally said, "I don't like canned beer typically, but a bit of wine actually sounds good right now. I'll be right back" And my beautiful gatekeeper excused herself, and disappeared into the brush. By the time she returned, it was time for us all to say goodnight to my cousin the Sun, and to greet my cousin the Moon. And so we all did, happily. And that's when she shocked me: Madeleine uncorked a large bottle of wine, held it high into the air with her mighty white wing, and shouted, "Cheers!" 

Surprised, but happily so, Cousin Eddie and I raised our cans of beer into the night sky and harmonized, "Cheers!" Then we both watched in wonder as Madeleine, my beautiful gatekeeper started chugging wine straight from the bottle. "Nice!" I thought. And also "Badass!" Then I smiled, realizing what a breakthrough moment this was in our bonding...and, with suspicion, said to my beautiful gatekeeper, "I never knew we had any wine in my Sacred Garden."

Madeleine laughed, and chugged more wine, "There's lots you don't know, Kev, haha!" Then drew her SORRY! card, entered my colored home, invaded, and rolled her dice. And I rolled mine. And she won the battle. And conquered my home color! But she hadn't won the war, I reminded her. And we all three laughed and imbibed and the game went on and on. And many records continued to be played throughout the moon-greeting. 

At one point, out of the blue, my soulmate Cousin Eddie the Raven caught me off-guard and decided to ask me about the glitter bulbs we had planted along the pathway down to my sister the River so long ago. He thought they might have bloomed by now, and wondered that they hadn't. I invaded Madeleine's home color, and rolled my dice. And she rolled hers. And I won! I conquered my beautiful gatekeeper's home color! Feeling bold, I finally replied to Cousin Eddie, "How many of the glitter blooms would you like to see?"

A bit perplexed, Cousin Eddie shrugged his wings, but finally answered, "How about all of them. I don't remember how many we planted." 

I winked at both he and Madeleine and said, "Watch this!" I meditated quickly, and one by one, the glitter bulbs bloomed, and shined, and lit up a very large part of my Sacred Garden. I made 4 of them sparkle and glow green to match my SORRY! game pieces. And I made 4 of them sparkle and glow red to match Cousin Eddie's SORRY! game pieces. Then I made 4 of them sparkle and glow blue to match Madeleine's SORRY! game pieces. Cousin Eddie and Madeleine clapped their wings and began a lovely toast. A toast that was only for the 3 of us. A beautiful, most memorable toast I'll not share here. 

Life is beautiful beautiful.
Thank you all for joining me on this journey.
I love you.
Lovely of lovelies.
​XX


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    KeV Atomic was Xanadu Dead and is now both of them. 

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